A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been having problems with my boyfriend, he smokes (cigs), drinks (even though he's underage), and uses very dirty language. I've often felt that he is dragging me down to his level. Recently, I moved out of my parent’s house into an apartment with a friend of mine who is almost ten years older than me. Since I've moved in, my boyfriend has stayed at my place almost every night. It was really great coming home to him for a while, but now I feel like he's almost using me. He doesn't have a job, and I've been paying for his gas and insurance. That all bothers me, but I wasn't planning on doing anything until a recent conversation with him. My boyfriend has had many girlfriends before me, and I've only have two boyfriends before him. Several of his previous girlfriends have broken up with him on Valentine’s Day. Because of this he hates the holiday, and won't celebrate it with me. He says it's because I just moved out and don't have the money to do anything, and he doesn't want to. But I think we could still celebrate it even if we go a little cheap. Should I be upset that he won't celebrate Valentine’s Day with me, or should I let him have his way, and just pretend it means nothing to me? Any help would be great. Thanks
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female
reader, Diana Prince +, writes (22 February 2011):
I agree with the other posters. Dude sounds like a dud to me!! V-day is the least of your problems with that one and frankly, you should have expected nothing less. He obviously has nothing to give anyway.But I digress. Men dread valentine's day because of all the things they think they have to do for us. They think they have to spend hundreds on flowers, dinner, candy, jewelry, etc.What they don't realize is that most women would be happy with a card and a "Happy Valentine's day, Babe, I love you."Although a night out isn't completely unreasonable, but with our busy schedules these days, it's not at all uncommon to put off the date part of it till your schedules permit it.My boyfriend, on the other hand, did not wish me happy v day and instead posted on facebook about how it was "a Bullsh*t holiday." Be that as it may, it's fun to celebrate. It was only AFTER valentines day that he begrudgingly offered to buy me some costume jewelry at sears while we were waiting for my eye appointment. I declined as I saw how uncomfortable it made him. Besides it wasn't the jewelry, candy or cards that I wanted. I would have been fine with a simple acknowledgement of it and maybe some kind words. He isn't at all romantic all the rest of the time.. it wouldn't have killed him to play along. It is my birthday today and I've recieved 5 messages from various friends and family members wishing me a happy birthday and still nothing from him. Maybe birthdays are "bullshit holidays" too.Either way, I'm not prepared to do without things most other women have in their relationships. and you shouldn't either!! Life is short and this guy is taking up space in your life that should be reserved for someone better for you.Best wishes and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I think in questioning this situation you know what to do. Your feelings are all very valid and your concerns are real. It sounds as though you are trying to move forward positively with your life and he is not. You are correct in feeling as though he is mooching and bringing you down.
I have lived your situation and can tell you it is time to move on my dear. Not celebrating Valentines Day is fine but not on these terms. He has no real valid argument on selfishness in mind. Furthermore there are plenty of ways to celebrate with no money at all. He has just chosen that it is not that important to him and has not considered your feelings.
If you make the choice to leave him, be prepared, from my experience people like this are master manipulators and will try to lay guilt and blame on you for not making it work etc... don't be pulled in by this. You sound like a very sound minded lady capable of good things, make them happen for you. And you will find the MAN that wants to love you on all days not just one under duress.
May you be Blessed,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Are you kidding me? Trust me, not celebrating Valentines Day is the least of his problems. The guy is a complete loser. Do yourself a favor and DUMP that creep.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I am surprised you are focusing over the minor issue of Valentine's Day and skimming over the major ones.
The Valentine's Day problem is not so terribly relevant. There is a lot of people who do not celebrate that day, because they think it's just a commercial holiday invented for doing business, or because they are not romantic types, or because they like their romantic moments to be spontaneous and not programmed for a set date etc.etc. And anyway, it's a fixable problem, you could simply insist that this day is important to you and you are keen on celebrating it even in some minor inexpensive way. Or you could skipping celebrations altogether comforting yourself with the thought that he is such a great boyfriend anyway...
But you can't. Because he is not ! He is an underage drinker , and an unemployed moocher and user that has no qualms taking money from you ! Fix that , before fixing the Valentine ' s Day blues. Or even better - just kick him to the curb and get yourself someone who treats you well.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (10 February 2011):
 You say he's smoking, drinking, and dragging you down to your level. He's mooching off you, and I'm willing to bet your parents hate him. He's had "many" girlfriends despite being 20 or younger, and the breakups were bad enough that he has a special day he hates. You're asking if you should pretend something means nothing to you - as in, lie so he doesn't know he hurt your feelings.
Why are you with this guy?
I know you don't have time to list his redeeming qualities in addition to the question, but just what I've read makes me think you should reconsider whether this relaitonship is really making your life better, or you're just with him out of misplaced attraction to a jerk.
You get to be upset. You get to talk to him. I think choosing not to celebrate Valentine's Day is fine, but not for the reasons he gives - especially if you don't feel comfortable talking to him. Dump this loser and move on. When you have a better boyfriend, you can respond to a similar problem by actually talking to him about it.
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