A
female
age
30-35,
*eowmeagan
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. I love him more than anything and I know he loves me too, despite issues he has had in his past that make it hard for him be in love with anyone. He's depressed however, and won't talk to anyone about it but me. He thinks it's a burden on his parents (who are divorced and who have both gone on to marry other people again, only to divorce from them too)if he tells them and won't seriously consider talking to a professional about his state of mind.I am more than glad to bear his burdens on my shoulders, but I'm not an expert and I don't know how to help him more than give him my own advice which probably isn't the best thing he could be hearing. How can I help him to seek help and treat his inner demons so he can go on and be truly happy in his life? It kills me to see him happy on the outside but know he's miserable on the inside.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): If he refuses to acknowledge or do anything about his depression, then there is nothing you can do to help. the best you can do is to 'protect' yourself so you don't get dragged down with him. you could also be patient and lower your expectations and standards for the relationship someone with untreated depression is just not able to do a lot of things or be as involved. That means you have to sacrifice some of your expectations of what you want in a relationship. But this is a slippery slope because a relationship that's so not normal, isn't good.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): The best thing is to treat him as if he does not have depression. Still invite him out and talk about normal things. Don't make his depression the focus of your attention or the relationship.
Only he can decide when he feels crap enough to seek treatment. Your job is not to make him better but to not get dragged down yourself.
Only intervene in a major way if he gets suicidal. If he's not at that stage then you should not try to force or pressure him into treatment.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2012):
 He is able to talk logically and he thinks about other people. He is able to function in daily life and fake a smile. He does not have clinical depression. He does not want to talk to a professional. You have to trust him on this. If a depression is serious you will notice it and it will scare you. A truly depressed person would not get out of bed, hallucinates, does not clean up, and talks about death. I was in medication for one year. At that time I felt that the greatest help was to let me be, accept that it is a phase and I wished I could tell my parents to stop dwelling on problems and stop worrying, and to believe that a depression, whether it is clinical or a phase, is something necessary to bring on healing. I used to think that depression is useless and time wasting. But now I don't. I think it is a powerful thing to survival depression. You come out of it like a reborn. It makes you a stronger person. The greatest love you can give him is to treat him in the same way you treated him before his depression, and to stand by him and be patient. He does not want to be pitied.
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