A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:My boyfriend and I are soon to start college. Well, I already started, he's starting tomorrow. However, he isn't going to the college we planned for weeks that he'd be going to. I was okay with the idea of him going to this college (out of state), the only problem with that was I'd miss him. But I looked at the positive side, that all the months of not seeing him would be made up in winter break. But a week before he was about to go, the school calls and informs him he has to pay an extra 3k. His mom didn't have enough, and it was too late to apply for financial aid of some sort. He ended up applying to a college with his best friend and two others from our high school. His best friend is a player, and so are the other two. They are always with girls. I should be happy with the fact he's staying here, but the main part I was really happy that he'd be going out of state so he doesn't have anymore bad influence. For example, he was telling me how he was going to study so much since he would be alone but now, it's like he expects to fail since he is staying. The others are terrible at school, they only care about sports. My boyfriend was like that in high school but he was prepared to change for the college he was headed to, but not anymore. It just really upsets me that he'll be hanging out with these people who always hang around the same high school drama I thought we finally pulled away from... The same drama that caused many hardship in our relationship that was getting better in summer when we believed he'd be attended out of states... I think I know I'm wrong here, but I guess I'm asking how do I cope with all this? I think Im just as disappointed as he was about him not attending the school he planned to and I'm not even the one its being affected.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): The only real way to deal with this is to accept it. Its beyond your abilities to alter.If the only way he was going to change was by going away, then he was never serious about anything. He can STILL do all the things he planned to do. He can still say NO wo being a jackass because his friends expect it.If he can't gain the courage to stand up to his friends and say NO when he doesn't want to do something, then there is nothing you can do to help.That said, a man has to have mates that will allow him to let loose and have some manly shenanigans. But a man also has to know when enough is enough.In conclusion, accept that the situation is different now. Then try to convince him that having the extra challenges now is only going to make the pay-off even sweeter.If nothing you say or do makes him work to his best and strive for his dreams because he allows himself to be influenced by his friends even when he doesn't want to be, then it may be time for you to move on.Flynn 24
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