A
female
age
41-50,
*j444
writes:My boyfriend, who is my absolute soulmate, broke up with me last week. Only the weekend before he had been talking about marrying me and talking about having kids! We have had a happy fun relationship for 1 1/2 years and he has a great relationship with my 4 year old son who he says he considers to be his own. He is forever telling my friends and whoever else will listen how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He is an all round nice guy who everyone loves. Last weekend his mum told him she was divorcing his dad (who is an alcoholic) and obviously he was pretty upset! He started picking small fights saying he would never make me happy as I'm only interested in money (which is not true). It has been a week since he told me over the phone we were finished and never to come near him again. I text after a couple of days to say I love him and miss him and hoped after everything we'd been through that we could at least sit down and talk about it but he has never replied. I have text him again today saying I would call him tonight and if he didn't answer I would accept it was over although I really wanted him to talk to me as my heart feels like it's been ripped in 2 and even if it was only to tell me it really was over but I just need some kind of closure. I tried calling him twice but he has not replied! This is completely out of character for him (although he is prone to the occasional huff) I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt as I truly feel we are meant to be togther but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up. I really I feel like I've lost my best friend my soulmate and my future.. If you can help advise me in any way it would be very much appreciated. Thanks
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alcoholic, best friend, broke up, money, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Arcada +, writes (21 February 2008):
Hi love,
I have a very similar situation to you. My soulmate and best friend walked out on me and our 4 month old son 6 weeks ago.
I have 2 kids from a previous relationship that he adored and he was always telling me and everyone else that he adored me. Now it's as if he has erased me from his head.
I did all the begging and crying and it just pushed him further away. Please take my advice and stop contacting him cos it doesnt work. Give him some space and let him believe you are fine without him. If he loves you like he claimed he did, he will come back. If he doesnt, im sorry he must be a liar or not worth it.
You need to cry and chat to friends, read self help books anything to make you feel better.
Message me if you ever want to chat cos it does help.
Take care, stay strong.
x
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi there,
it's no coincidence that your problems started the moment he found out his parents were getting divorced.
I think what you need to do is give him time. Don't text or call him until he has got his head sorted out. I'm sure when things calm down he will re-evalutate his situation and realise what he has done.
But in his current frame of mind there is little you can do to make him come round. Unless of course he has family who you get on well with. If he is still not talking to you in say a few weeks, maybe you could contact a member of his family ( even his mum ) to broker a peace deal.
Sorry to see you going through this , I hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): It sounds as though his mum and dad's problems have triggered something in him. I've found that when men are unhappy about something within themselves they blame the person closest to them. He is being unfair saying you only want him for money but perhaps he has heard his mother threatening to take money off his father during the divorce or his father has said something to him about women only wanting money from men and is just saying this silly stuff to you because of that??? Sounds like he has let all his steam off on you and then gone off to sulk/crash on his own - quite common but not nice for the person left behind.It sounds as though his parental problems have caused him to sort of 'crash' or 'close down'. If he is prone to huffy behaviour (which shows he is a BIT immature.........like my own partner) that is not a terribly good sign for a long term partner because it is painful when someone closes down and goes off in a huff instead of communicating, although men can be like this, it has to be said. Do you think he was having nerves/cold feet anyway and this just brought it out into the open. I would love nothing more than to marry my long term boyfriend but actually the thought of actually DOING it terrifies me - that is just how I am - some people are like this. I think he is wrong to ignore you but maybe you should, if you can bear it, leave him for a few days to cool right off and come to terms with the problems that his mum and dad are having. He shouldn't take it out on you and if this is how he will behave if you ARE together long term, then you might want to re-think if he really is what you want. However, for now, I know you are upset and I'm so sorry - I've been there myself and it feels dreadful but you are young and strong and your child needs you to be strong. I just wanted to respond to send you some comfort and positive thoughts but there's some wise people on this site and I'm sure they will respond tonight or tomorrow with some good insights. Give him some space and then do try and talk to him about it. You can re-assure him you are not after his money and give him the chance to talk about how he feels about his parents. Also, let him know it's not ok for him to just run out on you when he has a problem he cannot handle. In the meantime, take a deep breath, look after you and your son, treat yourselves nicely. Maybe this will be a chance for you to realise that with or without him you can be strong. He may well come round but might need time. If he cares for you likelihood is that he will miss you and regret being mean to you. Also, it's not much fun being on your own with a problem so he is probably feeling quite miserable. I'd say it's not a good sign in a man though, this sort of behaviour. It is common to feel conflicting emotions in that you want to be with someone and then to find it scary at the same time - this happens to me.Meanwhile this is your chance to test your own strength and reserves and to decide if this is the sort of relationship YOU want, ie where someone storms out like this. I had this pattern on and off with my ex partner and it was horrible.I hope you are ok and everything turns out well for you. Take care xx
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