| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating a guy for a month now, I already knew he had recently broke up, but he assured me he didn't want to get back with her.He introduced me to his friends, took photos off my Facebook showed everyone(he didn't tell me till after) so everyone in his life knows of me.I've been out with his friends, and we got the status of exclusive, im with her kind of thing. even asked me to go to his home town.he warned me his ex was a bit of a nutcase, but as long as i could deal with that he would like to take me back to his home, show me off.We got close, spent alot of time together, always heard from him.Then suddenly i come back from a week holiday with the family.He texts me as normal than when i meet him.He says that he needs to sort this with his ex, shes brought up things, stirred feelings. He doesn't know what to do, but knows he needs to sort whatever it is.We talked for an hour, i said ok, meet with her, talk stuff out then tell me whats happening.That i won't see anyone until he has talked to me after.I thought he would text me on the night, as he said he would he didn't , so i decided ok, i am going to give up on this. I need to move on. As a student there is a society in the the evening he gets back, i decided i would go during the day time to waterstones get some books to distract myself. He and his friend caught up to me, walked me to town centre, i talked to both for a bit then said i think i should leave you im going to get some books. he then said o your leaving without me? his mate then said you've got to come out, its my last night in town please? the guy id been seeing agreed. I said i am undecided, but i am going now, have fun.the guy i had been seeing than appeared in the book store minutes later, crept up and made me jump. after he walked me back to mine, explained that he still does not understand whats happening his ex is still stirring things and ideally he wants to move on with me, but he isn't sure where his head is that he likes what he has with me, once he has sorted his ex he will come chasing if i will still have him, but he will understand if i have moved on.I then said. I think it is best for both of us if i date new people, I can't wait it isn't fair on me or you. If you decide to come after me, you are chasing not me. Be assured that i will definitely not chase you. That i am happy to be his friend but nothing else.He then said , can i still see you? as a friend? can i hug you goodbye?Reluctantly i hugged him, and said maybe, we'll see.What do you guys reckon to all of this? appreciate opinions.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhere_between  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 Just forget about him. He is like a mixed up kid. Don`t be his friend.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 That it is totally superfluous for you to be friend with him, I bet you've got plenty of friends. You wanted him in his role and quality of exclusive boyfriend, not as " a friend " to begin with. Not that you have to be mean and rude on purpose if you move in the same social circles, but the more you hang on to this friendship and the less you'll be able to move , as you should instead .
It is very convenient for him to keep you vaguely in the background as something he can comfortably fall back on if things do not work out with is ex- but it's not as convenient for YOU. I am not even saying that that he is scheming on purpose to achieve that, he may also be in good faith, but the end result in practice is the same, you are his plan B.
I think that you deserve to offer yourself a partner who has no doubts and hesitations about whom is his favourite girl- you. And,to be happily and serenely single until you meet him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 You are his back up girl, if things don't work with his girlfriend you are there to fill the gap.
I wouldn't be going out of my way to 'be friends' with him, however there is no reason why you can't be polite if you meet each other in the street, or in a store. Say 'hi' and 'bye' and let him get on with sorting his life out and you get on with living yours.
If you do get the opportunity to talk to him over the next week or so tell him he can't have an each way bet, either he loses the ex or loses his chance with you. That way the ball is in his court.
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