A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really want to work things out with my boyfriend but I don't know if I can trust him.We've been together two years, we met when I was finishing with someone else and he waited almost a year to actually be with me, during which time he had plenty of opportunity to have a relationship with other women. He is a fantastic person but I found out two months ago that he was meeting and texting his ex behind my back. He swears nothing happened between them and they just met as friends. I asked why he didn't tell me and he said because he knew I'd be mad. He has a lot of female friends and knows I don't mind him seeing them. I said if he thought I'd be mad then why did he even meet her? He couldn't answer. He's sworn to stop seeing an speaking to her but she has messaged me on Facebook and even called me to say she still has feelings for him and will do anything to get him back. I desperately want it to work but I hate that he lied to me, especially now she has made it clear she wants him. He works in the town where she lives and I find myself worrying that he could be seeing her, even though my gut feeling tells me he isn't and he is desperately trying to prove to me that it's me he wants.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Sounds like you're part of a harem of women your boyfriend has around to stroke his ego; while you're all competing for his favor. If he was committed to you, he never would have been sneaking back to his ex. Oh, and you don't mind that he has a lot of female friends? I, bet.
You have a major decision to make. You can continue living in denial with the fear of his ex always lurking in the shadows; or you can be your own woman, and just give him back to her. It's not like you really have him in the first place. You share him with too many other women.
People who sneak back to their exes don't really want you. You're just a place-holder, until they can figure out how to get their ex back. No matter how long it takes.
The fact that you know she wants him back makes you want to keep him all the more; because you can't stand the thought you lost the competition to his ex. Your self-worth hinders on proving you can hold on to him. Even while he's sneaking around on you.
You figure if you lose, she's the better woman.
Why did they break up? I'd bet you the farm and a Gucci bag it was because of his other lady-friends!
Do you really want that cheat that badly? To the degree you put your dignity and sanity aside, to compete with a woman who has already won?
She got him to cheat on you. Of course, they didn't do anything.
So why did he have to meet her in secret?
She is screwing with your mind. You're both fighting over him like two teenage girls over the school jock.
Get your brain out of your purse, and give this some thought girlfriend! I know how it is to be foolishly in love; but should a dignified woman over 30 have to fight over a guy?
Those two are kicking your heart all over the place; while you're just trying to prove a point. He's not even worth it.
He has a bunch of women; because he knows how insecure women are around each other. He keeps you all vying for a better position next to him. Everybody wants to be his favorite. He's such a freaking stud. Really???
He's playing the biggest head-game on you and his ex. He's got two for the price of one. And more waiting in the barnyard.
Kick him to the curb, and let her have him back. Once she gets him, all the reasons they broke up in the first place; will be the same reasons they breakup again.
You two ladies are both drama queens, trying to one up each other.
She has the advantage. She shattered your trust,with his help. That weakens your relationship. He betrayed you. You're so caught up in the competition and the drama, you've lost all sense of reason.
She is going to wear you down. You're fighting to hold on to a man who, only two months ago, went back to his ex behind your back. All of a sudden he doesn't want her anymore.
She's going to always be hovering over-head like a vulture.
Waiting for you to crack. You're already writing for advice.
Here's the best advice.
Give him back, and end all the drama. The soap opera ends, when you decide you've had enough, and you've sent that player back to the lady he never really left in the first place. He walked away, leaving her to suffer; and watch him go from one woman to the next. Collecting women to rub her nose in it.
How many male friends does this guy have? None or not many; because he doesn't have the time. He's the rooster in a hen-house.
Keep on fighting for him. You'll tire and come to your senses. She will keep him lying to you, until the triangle finally blows apart.
If you let him go, then you'll be the winner.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 July 2013):
 You know, we guys are funny creatures. We will say (and do) most anything to keep a woman who we like to have sex with to continue doing so (having sex)......
Your "B/F" has tipped his hand... so, now, you have GOOD REASON to believe that he can - and likely does - have sex with his ex-.... who, incidentally, is in the VERY SAME predicament as YOU ARE!!!!! .... and he's prepared to let the two of you "fight it out" at making excuses for his boorish behaviour..... and he's in "Guy-Heaven" until you both find him out.... and then he can get on to his next one or two girls... and let THEM fight about him...
This is really NOT a problem for you, at all.... as long as you figure out that YOU are worth more than having to worry about your "boyfriend" having OTHER "girlfriends."
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013):
Trust is something that's earned .. What has he done to put your mind at rest ? Has he texted her telling her, that meeting was a mistake and she needs to move on as he is with you and is trying to build a relationship with you?
If he hasn't done these things and he is just telling you ' it won't happen' then I would be distruthful of him.. I would distances myself for a while, while telling him.. She is not a friend .. She is an 'ex' with intentions and she has made these well known. He makes a choice or you walk .. Don't be a doormat as people tend to wipe their feet on you...
Prepare for the worse, he may not want to tell 'exy' that its totally finished and that means not even friends.
If that happens don't blink, tell hm well I wished I coulda said its been fun, but you've left a sour taste in my mouth.. Hope she worth it .
At the minute his ego getting a mega Push, two girls vying for his attention and affection don't let him tread you down.. Words mean nothing unless there is action behind them..
Take care sweetie x
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