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My boyfriend wants to me to date another man as well

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello, I've got questions for those who have lived this certain way. My boyfriend and I are very turned on by the idea of me dating another guy LTR - long term relationship.

We have a second bedroom that we would decorate and setup, the second guy would think I'm single and living with roomate. My main man, or first guy does know. We are both a bit nervous sure, but also so turned on by it both for different reasons.

I am crazy about my first man, don't wanna lose him through this. He seems to adore me and our bedroom time together.

There is a side of me that wants this, and my main man enjoys my struggle and I think knows me better than I do sometimes. Knowing he'll stay and love me through this is thrilling for us both.

Anyway, how has this arrangement worked out for you? I'd like to hear your arrangements and details so I can move forward with this.

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A female reader, _Katy_Did_ United States +, writes (12 February 2010):

_Katy_Did_ agony auntI'm sure we're two very different people. But from my point of view, I could never do this. And my boyfriend would NEVER allow it. Honestly, I would feel used and wonder why the hell my boyfriend would let someone else have sex with me. I'm sorry, but I would most likely feel trashy and a little whorish. If you want to be "turned on" then why the hell would you have a serious boyfriend who "loves" you? If he really cared about you the way you say he does, he would not be ok with this. And you wouldn't either. Don't let him sell you out and give you away. You're being used.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

I tried it and if you or more importantly your guy #1 can handle it, then yes it's dream come true for a girl. very very dreamy.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (7 January 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntIt is not clear from your arrangement, as it is about threesome, or systematic dating with other, in agreement with first one? Anyway, if it is about three some at last, and you both are in agreement about having sex in threesome, then it can work, provided you both know the right terminology of your doing. Your good knowing will properly shape your emotion, and thus basic relation will not suffer any emotional hurting.

If you both love each other, and you both love sex, and want to experience various aspect of sexual activity, then it will certainly work, even with threesome or with other agreed couple.

This knowledge is important: Sex is for energy, and relations is for managing such energy for highest achievement of energy. Do not mix sex energy with 'love relationship'. In love relationship, both can do and manage great sex, is sure and certain. Love is highest intimacy for the 'person' within the Individual. You both as an individual, possess highest intimacy for each other, then there is nothing to worry. Let me say, best luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010):

I'd like to hear what happens once it does. Sounds wild.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

My girlfriend and I did that sort of arrangement for year and half. It only ended because Greg finally met someone he wanted to date and have a relationship with. It worked for that year and half because he was someone she felt she could trust. Well, and who she was very attracted to.

My girlfriend had the sex of her life during that time. Because she was getting it from two different guys and yes because Greg had bigger and really knew what to do with a girl in bed.

If you and your guy can handle that side of it, you both knowing the other man satisfies you a lot more in bed than your #1 man, then you could have the ride or 'rides' of your life.

It wasn't easy for me to hear that his was bigger and he was in general much more pleasing in bed, not cause I'm bad but because he was excellent at pleasing girls in bed. I think it was harder for her to word and admit all that to me. But, if she didn't struggle and tell me, then we never could have survived it.

It is something she likes to remember while we whisper to each other in bed.

Never ever seen my girl more excited, and satisfied.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

If I had the guts I'd want to try that for a year or so. I could not every admit it offline LOL. But, secretly I'd try it if I was with a guy who could actually handle it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009):

Yes, if it is done right, good points about not hurting feelings of second guy like if he sorta knew you were LTR only interested in sex.

I wish I had your nerve. I've thought about it a lot.

I wanna know what happens. Repost here sometime.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

Although I know some people who are very very turned on by the idea and such of their significant other being with another... You have to wonder- Why?

They don't love you so much they only want you with them?

They want you to be used by another?

Or is it, the idea of you pretty much being involved in porn? Why would they want to open you up to risk for STDs to both of you, pregnancy- Because NOTHING, no form of protection is 100% for anything. Etc.

But first, those aren't even the issue of the greatest importance-

You and your boy (and I do mean boy, because thats not a man.), are wanting to do this, and possibly crush another person, without caring.

Your all wrapped up in your "fantasies", not worrying about what would happen IF the guy found out (and honey, trust me they ALWAYS do.)

There are other means of doing things of the sort, without getting LTRs and emotions wrapped up in the situation. (Which btw, if you are REALLY happy with your guy now, you do NOT want to attempt this arrangement.)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

Gross. No. You are going to SERIOIUSLY screw with that new guy. And if your boyfriend is willing to have you be intimate with another man while he's around, how much can he really care about you?

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A female reader, applebite8821 United States +, writes (29 December 2009):

applebite8821 agony auntI don't exactly know the title of that post but their story was that they had a threesome together and the boyfriend walked out crying as soon as the third party started doing sex with his girlfriend even though they have since been excited to do this and been talking about such act.

I know it may not be exactly the same as your case but be careful your boyfriend might not want what he will actually see compared to his imagination. And this might be the reason why you will lose him. Anyway, let us not go into conclusions and spoil your fun but be ready just in case, we still don't know.

Good luck to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

I don't know first hand. I haven't done that ever. My boyfriend now would never be able to handle that. My ex boyfriend could have. I have imagined it. Not much help, but figured I'd throw in my two cents.

Sounds ultra sexy.

Hit us up once it's started.

Good luck.

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