A
female
age
36-40,
*nnocentgirl
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 6 months, and next year March we are planning on moving to London together to give our acting careers a real good go before we decide on settling. We are very much in love and very serious about one another. Despite this being a long distance relationship, we see eachother once a month for 2 weeks each time, so we spend as much time together as we can. Until he asked me if I waned to move to London with him, see how our relationshop goes and how the careers go, and I agreed. Everything else is fine, but unfortuntaely his choices of careers is very hard to cope with. His parents have had many words with him, about his back up plans and how he'd support me, morgages etc. But he keeps saying he wants to have a long term career that he'll be happy in, and not be miserable in all the time. And unfortunately he doesnt like 80% of the jobs out there... So hes back up choice (if the acting doesnt work out) is to join the forces. Now I come from a family of which my father joined for 3 months and left immediately. Where my boyfriend's father served for quite some time. So in his eyes, he too wabrs be the "Manly/fatherly" figure to his wife and kids. I personally dont think I can cope with him away a lot, or the possiblity he may never come home. And everything I say, he has an aswer for "I will be away for 10 weeks of first traning, but then I can come home regualr to see you". "youd move with me if i had to move". Im not sure what type of forces hes interested in at the moment, but either choice, I know i'll struggle with. But he doesnt seem to understand how much I dont want to be alone. As we are already in a long distance relationship, its just never ending. Am I being mean for not supporting him in what he wants to do? Or is he in the wrong in this? Is the forces not that bad for a relationship?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 November 2014):
 I think you need to step back a bit, and take a good hard look at what you really want.
You have only been with this man for just over 6 months. Not even a whole year yet - BUT you are already setting up a future together with him, without REALLY knowing him.
He sounds like he is a bit of a ditherer, with no clear idea as to what he wants - at this stage of your relationship that could include you.
I know you are still in the honeymoon phase with your rose tinted glasses still firmly in place, but I think you need to start being a little more realistic about where your relationship is going.
There are all these exciting plans, but no real definitive answers to the important questions.
Acting is a fickle business. London is also a very cut-throat environment. Do you both have extensive acting training and experience? If not, then sorry to say you are likely to struggle to get work of any kind in the business. London is full of performing arts graduates, out of work actors, dancers, singers, who all want jobs. Every audition is attended by hundreds of people - it is really tough for the best of them. Do you have agents? Have you considered what would happen if one of your was successful and the other not? Would there be resentment? London is expensive - how are you going to fund this?
He obviously is a bit of a dreamer, and is very much thinking about himself. You seem content to trot along after him, regardless.
Forces relationships are hard. They require a lot of trust and resilience on the part of the woman. Husbands/partners are often away for 6months at a time, soldiers can be moved to new postings, across the globe, and they don't have a choice. Families have to move with them.
This bit concerns me "But he doesn't seem to understand how much I dont want to be alone."
I think you are far to concerned about being alone, than about any potential career choices.
You need a man who can be around you at all times, and sadly I don't think this one is the type who can commit to that.
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