A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship and he wants me to have cyber-sex with him. Its been a year into our relationship and I'm not sure of the whole thing. What if he records the session just for his sake and it gets leaked by chance? He finds it very insulting if I refuse since he thinks I dont trust him. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): hello People!
thanks a lot for your advices. I did follow them and the good news is that he thinks if i'm not comfortable with it, i shouldn't go ahead. Thank you again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): I don't think it's a good idea. It could end up public. Just explain this to him- if he doesn't understand that is his problem.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Long distance can be difficult, I had a hard time with it and I suggest using the phone instead of the web cam, or audio chat only. He knows what you look like and can use his imagination plus describing what you are doing can be even hotter than just watching it happen. One time my girlfriend sent me some racy photos of herself and while I would never show them to anyone my 14 year old neighbor was using my computer this summer and found them... Super awkward. Hopefully he will understand your choice and realize there are other safer options than cams.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 January 2011):
"What if he records it and it gets leaked by chance?" Exactly. You already know the answer. What if he records it, and his computer gets stolen? What if a friend used it and finds it? What if his hard drive crashes and he tries to get the data recovered through an IT company? These things have a way of finding their way onto the internet....
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 January 2011):
Oh one thing: if he thinks cams are safe, he's got another thing coming. There'a huge number of cams that get hacked. They can record the image even if the cam isn't active. That means that if you ever sit behind your comp/laptop in your undies or in a bikini, they can see and record it. Why people bother? Well, obviously because they hope they can catch a sexy girl and sell it on some dubious site. Some of these recordings are used for those online sex dating services.
Just some food for thought...
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Cybersex is much the same as real sex. If you don't trust your partner, you shouldn't have it. If you have to be pressured into it, you shouldn't have it. And if you do have it, your partner may always kiss and tell. That's the risk, always has been and always wil be.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 January 2011):
"He finds it very insulting if I refuse since he thinks I dont trust him."
Haha, that's like the number one excuse in the list of top 100 clichés.
Look you're obviously a smart girl, so don't fall for an easy trick like this because right now he's trying to make you the bad guy. You're not. You're the sensible one here.
If he's "insulted," tell him: "I'm insulted that you think this is about you. This isn't about trust. This is about what a scary and nontransparent place the internet has become. When I send something to you, people can track it and download it without either of us knowing. That's too big a risk for me. I'm not doing it. End of story."
The risk of this ending up on the internet, whether it's his intention or not, is pretty real. These days, people can take over your computer if they think you might have something valuable on it. Big e-mail services like gmail and hotmail have suffered major hacks lately and leaked thousands of passwords as a consequence. Not trying to make you paranoid or anything, but so many people put private stuff out there thinking it's safe while it's actually not.
And once out there, it's almost impossible to get rid of it.
So there you go. The perfect reason why you shouldn't do it.
...............................
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Tell him what you've told us. If he loves you, he'll understand, or just not record it!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): You are wise to be wary and i would advice to not go through with it. If your boyfriend doesn't like the fact you don't want to, that's tough. Don't let him guilt trip you into something you can't take back.Those videos are constantly posted on porn sites and there are a number of ways it could get posted on there. Maybe think about something else you could do instead. Phone sex is similar but there would be no danger of that getting leaked anywhere.Tell your boyfriend you're not comfortable with the idea and stick to your guns. You can't afford to risk something like that getting posted somewhere.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (12 January 2011):
 As much as i can see why he might be slighly upset that you think this, i understand where you are coming from, there is always the worry of what can happen if the relationship ends. If you are not 100% sure and happy that you want to do this then dont and if he reallt cares about you he wont want to force you into something you dont want to do.
...............................
|
