A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for five years and weve hit some rough spots every now and then. 2 years into our relationship he cheated on me with this girl he worked with. we ended up working through it and stayed together and since then he has gained my trust back he did a complete 180 and i respect him for that and he tried so hard to prove to me that all he wanted was me. Well around christmas time he started talking to her again. She has a 6month old baby girl and my boyfriend is gaga over babys. Now he has it in his head that hes ready to settle down and have kids. And he told me he wants to be there for her daughter as a father figure, and all i could do was think o lord not again. He blew me off for new years because her mom was having a baby and he told me he didnt want to miss the opportunity to see a new born baby born when he wants one so badly. I recently found out that before new years he stayed the night with this girl to help take care of her daughter and they slept in the same bed. He swears nothing sexual happened and i believe him because he always tells on himself and if he doesnt then she would tell me if i asked. Im so confused right now. I love him with all my heart and after a short break were back together but hes so distant. i know he loves me but i dont know if he wants to be with me or if he just wants to date me so another guy cant. Him and this girl still see each other at work but as far as i know it doesnt go beyond that. im not sure if they talk on the fone because we dont live together. I just dont know wat to do nemroe. i try so hard to keep our relationship going but the past few weeks have been hell. i miss my boyfriend my lover and my best friend. its hard to even talk to him anymore, he doesnt even really want to be around me it seems like. I dont know if this is just a phase or if i should just give up and end it for good. The not knowing is whats killing me the most.
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acne, at work, best friend, cheated on me, christmas Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): You sure that kids not his?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): Hard and painful as it may be, burn the bridge to this guy's island, and let her and him and the child live on it.
That child and that other woman are going to have a lot of pain in the future if he doesn't straighten up.
You should end your part in it now, you may need some counseling help to figure out why you put up with as much as you did.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 End it and go find your happiness.this guy is just stringing you along.sooner or later he'l tel you they are movinm in together(him,baby momma and of course the baby)so that he could be 'there to help with the baby' full time.i say move on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): This guy is taking you for a fool and you are letting him. I have no idea why you are letting him get away with this ridiculous behaviour but whatever the reason, you need to end it.
This relationship is over and has been for a while. You need to open your eyes and see things for what they really are. He's acting like she's his wife and your his mistress. You've been with him for 5 years and this is how he treats you?
You deserve better than this and i hope you realise it before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (12 January 2011):
He sounds very young and immature and does not know the real work it takes to raise a child. He thinks it is fun and cute. It is not all fun and games. It is apparant he still has feelings for this girl now you need to figure out if you are going to fight for him or not. If not, then leave him. If so then work on your relationship because this is unacceptable.
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A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Please forget about this guy, his heart is somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Well nothing sexual happened. You can guess why. Why did he leave his girlfriend after she had a baby with him? He can always blame that the woman is always tired, only cares about the baby and not him, but he would never admit that it could be he's not affectionate, understanding enough. Sounds like he doesn't know how to be romantic and be a father at the same time so he's compartmentalizing you two. I am not sure what role you play in his life but you are not getting what you want. There is nothing to fight for because he's happy with the arrangement while you obviously want more and he's just hoping you will remain silent in order to keep him. 5 years and no talk about marriage or living together. You can just imagine what he would do to you if you had a baby with him in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I would have thrown his raggedy behind out the door. BEFORE he finished. Who pray tell would believe a lie like that? No way that tramp is after your man. And apparently has him caught, saved yourself from some STD and throw him out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Yeah he's still seeing her. Staying in the same bed and "nothing sexual happened" that's a lie. Staying in bed with another woman that he has that kind of history with is a step way too far on its own.
He's actually building a relationship with this girl and playing you for a fool. Why did he sleep in her bed? Why not on the couch? How can you actually buy that nothing happened?
This is very very bad for you.
I don't know why you are so confused, the situation is very clear to me. It's very obvious what he's doing. Do you know what I would do if I found out my girlfriend spent the night in bed with another man? Nothing because she would never do it. She would be dumped in an instant.
I mean come on he slept with another woman new years, where do you think the term "slept with" came from? Two heterosexual people don't sleep together without something happening once they've already done it before.
I know the only reason you're confused is because you love him and are ignoring all the very big red flags because you don't want them to be true. Read your question again, I really can't believe you actually let him get away with all this and that you can't see what he's doing.
This isn't a friendship, he hasn't all of sudden become broody for kids, he's become broody for her and her kids. He's actually come up with some of the most rubbish excuses I've ever heard too. Well you better get used to them because this is the start of him drifting away into a relationship with her.
Look first of all wake up, what you think is happening is exactly what is happening. I know you don't want to believe it because the thought is horrifying to you but it's the reality and he's not going to admit it. In my opinion your relationship is over and I think you're letting him walk all over you. Seriously you know what happens between a man and a woman when they sleep together even if they didn't have sex you know they were intimate and intimacy that is unacceptable for a guy who is already in a relationship and now he wants to spend more and more time with her.
I wish you luck, because I think you're going to continue living in this state of denial right up until he packs his bags and leaves you. Which is exactly what he's in the process of doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Is this baby your boyfriend child? I find it very strange he just got up and want to look after someone eles child.
Advice for you, DUMP THIS GUY. He has no respect for you at all. How dare he even see her again, how dare he sleep in the same bed as her. You are a push over, no question about it
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 I think you need to talk to this other girl and ask her a few things. It sounds to me like he has some sort of connection with this other girl. You were good enough to forgive him when he cheated on you but now he is taking it to far. You need to be sure that this child is not his and he is not covering it up from you. I understand that he loves babies and all but it sounds to me like there is a real possibility this other girls child is his and he is taking you for a fool. Id get out now while you can.
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