A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, My boyfriend is in the Marines, we've been together for 2 years and we are very much in love. I've known him for 6 years prior to this, as he was my best friend in high school. He is stationed in Hawaii currently and I am in my junior year in college in New York.He has asked me several times to move out there and get married to him. Part of me really wants to go because I love him and want to be with him. I know he's thought this out and has talked to his higher ups to discuss living situation, pay increases, and potential on base jobs for me to work at. He has offered to pay for my last year in college because he can afford it. Currently, my parents pay for school but I know they would never agree to pay for me to finish there.The other part of me feels really torn about leaving NY. My parents have made it very clear they are not ok with this idea at all (I'm only 20) and have stated our relationship will change significantly for the worse if I'm to do this. I also don't want to leave my friends nor give up a good school that I've worked really hard in for the past 3 years. I want to enjoy my senior year with my friends and graduate from the school I started in. I also don't want my parents to be really mad at me for doing something they don't agree with. But then I wonder if it really matters where I get my degree from, so long as I finish it and I wonder how long my parents would not talk to me for. I feel they would still love me but it may be too much of a risk.Another thing is he only has a little more than a year and a half left in the Marines and then he is done with his contract. We would be moving in together as soon as he comes home, and probably get married soon after that as well. He is unsure about going on a deployment but he is almost positive he won't be deploying again so it's not like I would be there alone at any point.He asks me to go out there and marry him every day and said he's going to continue to do this until I make a decision. He said he's not going to be mad at me if I decide to not come but I feel like he's going to be really disappointed or that somehow it will change our relationship. He gets very frustrated that I won't make my own decision and that I'm basing a lot of it on how my parents would perceive it.I feel that it's almost unfair for him to keep pushing me because it's a really hard decision for me to make between my parents and school. I told him if I don't move out there that maybe I'd come out for a visit in May for a week or two but my mom said she won't allow me to do that. I don't understand why she is so against me going out to see him. If I don't go in May, I won't see him again till this December.I just feel so torn about everything and want another opinion because I just can't make sense of everything in my head any more.Thank you in advance, it means a lot.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Say, you do move to Hawaii and drop out of college, what will you do? You don't have a degree and Hawaii is not exactly a great career move in terms of employment. Getting a job there will be very difficult as they don't have many job openings. Most islands have a very limited job market and they will hire their local people over someone like you.And what will you do when his contract ends? Move back, stay in Hawaii? It's best if you protect your own self interest. Get your degree; it far more important in life than a boyfriend. A degree will help you get job, help secure your financial future and give you independence. If you don't look out and take care of yourself, no one will. At lest not long-term.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (8 February 2012):
 You have so much time don't give into this pressure. I was basically in your position three years ago, a senior in a relationship with a marine with 2 years left in his contract; the culture, social pressure and financial incentives to marrying a civilian are great for marines, but it sounds like you haven't lived together yet. I know you think you know all there is to know about this guy because you've been together for years, but the whole nature of the relationship changes when you take that step. at least in my experience, it has been a long, difficult adjustment period. Maybe this won't happen for you, maybe he's your soulmate and neither of you will have any issue adjusting to civilian world and to living together, but why ADD to those unclear/unstable factors the marriage element? You have a great relationship so far. There is time to reconnect in a new and different way when he and you get out of the current constraints of school and military. And once you two DO get out of those current positions, you will develop or adapt a new way of relating to one another when you see them on a daily basis, which may or may not be conducive towards married life. Just take it slow, tell him obviously he means so much to you for you to be considering it so seriously but it's not your [as in, you and his] time yet. Please PM if you want to discuss further, I have strong feelings on this topic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Finish college. If he loves you he will wait.
Also, being a military wife of 15 years, I can tell you there is a lot of moving around and not always close to family and friends and certainly not in places you might even like.
You got to be 150% sure you can handle the lifestyle and that HE is the one you want to be with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): I say go visit him in May and that way you get to talk with him face to face and really see what he's all about and get the feel of how it would be, WOW wish it was me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): I have to agree with Person12345 here: completing your education should not be negotiable.You might not be able to transfer all the credits you've earned so far to another college. Also, some colleges require you to earn at least 60 credits there before they will grant you a degree. So between the two, you might end up on a 5 or 6 year plan. Your boyfriend only has a year and a half left in the service; if you transfer to a college in Hawaii, he might finish out his enlistment before you graduate. Then what will you do--transfer back? It's hard to be so far away from someone you love, and a year and a half can seem endless. But in the long run you'll be better off concentrating on getting your degree.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 February 2012):
 He should not even be asking while you're in college. If he loves you enough to marry you he can love you enough to marry you he will love you enough to marry you in 1.5 years when you're done with college. You don't want to give your entire life up to be trailing around after a guy. Once you graduate that's one thing, but asking you to give up a great school just to get married, well this isn't the 50's anymore. He needs to stop pressuring you. You have every right to finish up where you are. If he loves you enough to marry you he loves you enough to wait until you're done with college. He's in the wrong here, not you.
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