A
female
age
26-29,
*issDani135
writes:Hi, I'm 13 years old.My boyfriend is 16 last week.The problem is, im a virgin...he isn't.He wants me to be more sexual, and i don't know what to say! He is really nice but he said it will never work unless i try to become a little bit more sexual with him! He said he isnt asking for sex but just for me to be sexual. My friend has been out with him, and has had sex with him. I actually think it's sick for a 13 year old to be having sex. :S.I've already told him that im too young.He's really nice, cute and really romantic. I don't know how to hand this situation.Advice please, asap (: Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (28 February 2011):
 hi
i am sorry, you are not gonna like this comment - he's a paedophile - and that is exactly what the police and courts will say if his activities ever become uncovered.
he is over 16 - you are under - and its as simple as that. PLEASE do not be talked into sexual activity by him - you are too young and you know it! i know you think he is lovely and maybe he is BUT what happened regarding him and your friend that he had sex with? why are they not still in a relationship now? maybe your relationship with him will follow the same path. he is clearly just after one thing if he has no problem stating to you that 'it will not work if you don't be more sexual'
please accept this advice from someone who is a lot older and (i hope!) wiser than you - in my experience guys are always 'nice, cute and romantic' while they are trying to talk you into bed. you have got exactly the right idea when you tell him you are too young - PLEASE DON'T be persuaded otherwise
xx
A
female
reader, the young philosopher  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Did you know that even being persuaded into sexual acts is considered rape? It's important to remember this.Even if the UK has laws against it, I don't really think that that is the issue. I mean, teens are going to have sex if they want to, regardless of any laws.My main concern is how you feel about the situation.It definitely seems though the both of you feel very differently about sex, which in a relationship you should more or less feel the same.I've had my share of experiences that are quite like the one you're in. I was young, and was pressured into sex, and will regret it for the rest of my life. The longer I was in that relationship, the worse it got, and it ended horribly.This guy sounds very much like the guy I dated; pretty slick with words, charming, and slightly manipulative.You should get out of the relationship. You have a great head on your shoulders; to know that you're not ready for sex and stand by that is admirable. Never be persuaded against your better judgment.Once you get out of the relationship, you've got a world full of sexy guys to look forward to! :) The single life is amazing at your age, personally I always loved simply making out with guys and not going any farther. It's quite satisfying :) Making sure that you stay with guys close to your age and not being tied down to one guy is key in making it work.Good luck! And have innocent fun while you're young :)
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 October 2010):
 It doesnt matter if he didnt want sex... ANY sexual act carried out by anyone under the age of 16 is ILLEGAL in the UK.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/advice/factfile_az/age_of_consent
This includes sexual touching, him touching your boobs, or genitals, hand jobs, oral sex, on you or him, and penetration vaginal or anal.
ANY sexual act is illegal under the age of 16.
Until you are 16, you cannot consent to sex in any form, and it is classed as RAPE even if you said yes.
The fact he IS 16 and you are 13, in the eyes of the law a minor and a CHILD makes this even worse.
So for him to say he wants you to be more "sexual" he is in fact breaking the law and would be raping you and commiting child abuse.
When you are a teenager, 3 years is a BIG difference, in both emotional and physical development. I am so glad you know you are not ready for sex. Stick with it. Say no.
This boy is not worth your time, and the fact that your brothers friends say he is a player, should be warning enough to stay well clear of him.
Does your brother know he has been encouraging you to become sexual with him? Because I am 100% sure your brother would probably hit him if he found out.
You seem like a sensible girl, dump this sex obsessed teenager. Let other girls get the name for being easy, and get the STD's that he will no doubt get. Oh and there is also that risk of pregnancy. I dont expect he would stick around if you happened to fall pregnant.
Stand up for yourself. He doesnt love you, he just wants to have sex, with anything. Could be you, could be another girl, could be a sofa. His brain is focussed on only one thing.
You are so much better than that! :) Grow, mature, and become a beautiful, sensible young woman.
Tiger. x
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A
female
reader, MissDani135 +, writes (4 October 2010):
MissDani135 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your advice. I haven't talked to him since and told him that If he wants me he is going to have to like me for ME. I told him that Im not changing for nobody. He is really nice, and i still love him. He is really upset and said that he didnt want sex. But he is friend's with my brother and my brother's friends have all went out with him and said that he is a player. I am in the UK.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 What does he mean by "sexual"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Please don't do it! I was 14 when I lost my virginity to my ex-boyfriend who was 16 and I regret it, it was a similar siuation to you; he was lovely, told me he loved me and made me feel special and he wasn't a virgin too. He kept on suggesting that I have sex with him and I was very reluctant but he wouldn't stop talking about it so I did. I wish I didn't! Your virginity is important and you'll remember your first time for the rest of your life so don't just loose it with any old boy! It turned out my ex was having sex with to different girls at the same time and dumped me shortly after.
It sounds like he is trying to get you round to having sex by getting more sexual, because its easy to get carried away and once youve done one thing it will be easy for him to persuade you to do more. It sounds as if though he is emotionally blackmailing you by giving you the ultimatium of doing sexual acts or it wont work, hes placing the future of the relationship on your shoulders so he can make you feel guilty for the break down of the relationship if you choose not to, and trust me if he makes you feel guilty he will have you wrapped around his little finger! You say you've already told him your too young but hes still asking you, quite frankly it's disgusting that hes doing that, trying to persuade even though you've set your boundaries with him.
Please don't do it, think about how you will feel in 30 years time when you look back! Let your first sexual experience be with someone who you love and who loves you back, really truley loves you, and make sure its special. Do you really just want to be 'another one' that he's had his way with? Because I can tell you now, your not special to him! Hes just a teenage boy who wants his way with as many girls as he can, i'm a 16 year old girl and the boys I know all compare how many girls they have slept with, its an ego thing. Some of them even tell the other boys what girls can be persuaded around to having sex and which ones are 'easy'. Please don't be just one of these girls boys compare notes on! He's already have sex with your friend, don't just join the que!
Just remember to respect yourself, because if you don't no-one else will (you don't want people to call you names!), always be true to yourself and don't do anything you don't want to do. If I was you, I would do what I never did and dump him (sounds easier than it is but you WILL find someone else!) and go out with a nice boy who is a virgin and will cherish the time you two spend together, someone who will realise how special your first time is rather than someone who thinks oh its just another virginity im taking, which im guessing is the mindset of this boy! If I could relive my experience again, I would have stayed clear away from my boyfriend and found someone like the boyfriend I have now!!
Once again, please don't do it, please be strong enough to end the relationship and be strong enough to not be pressurised into anything! You only have one virginity, dont waste it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): I am 13 as well. I have never had a boyfriend, but I think you're very smart to know that you're too young to have sex. And you know that's all he wants from you, right after he had sex with your friend, did he dump her? If the answer is yes, then there is no doubt he'll do the same to you. He may be really hot, but it's not worth it. If he is asking you to be more sexual, then that's all he wants, and sooner or later those little sexual favors are going to turn into having sex. Why in the world would somebody want to lose their virginity to somebody who doesnt care about them? Dont worry, you'll find a nice boy one day who will respect you and wait until you're ready, and everybody should wait for a person like that. Dump this loser now before he gets a hold on you and you cant get out of this relationship. I wish you the best of the luck and every girl in this kind of situation knows that they deserve better and I hope you can realize that and gid rid of him. :]
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male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (3 October 2010):
Hi,Sorry to hear that he is pressurizing you into sex.In the UK it is an offence for anyone under the age of 16 to have sex. Anyone who is 16 and over can be put on the sex offenders register if they have sex with someone under 16. This will have an massive effect on thier life and he will be lablled a Pedo for life (probably have stones/bricks thrown @ his house if people find out where he lives)...just ask him if he wants that? Dont have any form of SEX with him..no matter how much you think that you love him want him.I'm sure that in a few yrs time you will see him for what he really is
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (3 October 2010):
 It's not like he's "the one", you're still young and you have so many other things to enjoy and worry about. This guy's hormones run like mad due to the age. Don't let it get you overwhelmed or intimidated. If you feel like you can't or don't want to be "sexual" - means you're not ready for "that". I don't know what he means by sexual - he's probably referring to your way of dressing, kissing, maybe he wants you to cuddle more and to be more open when it comes to sexual behavior. Either way, you are just a child, it's too early for you to be in touch with these things. He wants you to CHANGE for him, because you won't spend your life with this guy. Just DON'T! Don't change for anyone, you will lose your individuality and later on, in life you'll become insecure and you will believe that, in order to be accepted, you have to drop being yourself, just to please others. Best wishes!
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 I personally find 13yr olds having sex a bit sickening myself...and your friend had sex with this guy, and he's left her. Oh and he's not asking for sex YET. Here's how it works: you become more "sexual" and soon, that won't be enough for him, so you become a little more sexual and a little more and a little more until he takes your virginity. You're right, you're too young. If he can't understand that you're not ready, he needs to be let go. There are boys out there who won't pressure you. There's nothing wrong with light to moderate making-out right now. You're 13 and dating right now should be about easy fun, movies, ice-skating together, awkward and sweet kisses, school dances etc. Not sex. Maybe 3years is too much of an age difference right now. He's been through more sexually than you and it's not fair of him to ask you to catch up on three years of experience so quickly. I don't know what you'll do but you seem like you have a head on your shoulders. I hope you don't give in to pressure. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, JackieW0719 +, writes (3 October 2010):
 You are a very smart girl to realize that you are too young to be "more sexual." Do not let him pressure you at all. It appears that all he is after is his own gratification.
He is telling you in so many words that he does not respect you or how you feel. You have your whole life ahead of you, if he cannot wait until you are physically and emotionally mature, then its time to say goodbye to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): I think you have handled this right by telling him you are too you. You ARE too young, and he should know this. You are not ready for things like that. But with him saying it will never work unless you become more sexual with him, it sounds to me that this is all he cares about.
Don't allow yourself to be pressured into anything by this guy. I honestly think that if he cannot or will not accept what you say, then he is right. It is not going to work. And although you must feel sad about that, I think in the long run it is best, because you are both at different stages, and he is not prepared to be understanding or wait. So if he is just going to say these things to you, it might be better to say goodbye to him.
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