A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend asked me if I would be interested in a threesome. It's not something that really appeals to me, but I decided to entertain the idea and at least discuss it with him. Not surprisingly, he was trying to push a threesome with a third girl.I'm straight, not even bisexual. I'm attracted to men and really have no interest in having sex with a girl. I could probably handle kissing one, but the thought of going any further with one honestly makes me a little sick (not judging lesbians, it's just not something I can ever imagine wanting to do). So I tried explaining this to my boyfriend, and when he didn't seem to get that I'm not just being stubborn and closed-minded, I asked him if he would be willing to have a threesome with a third guy. He got the point after that, but he seemed kind of irritated and said, "You're such a feminist."I'm not a feminist activist or anything like that, I just think that he should give my sexual preferences the same respect he expects for his. Isn't that what feminism IS? Equal treatment for women and men? Why would that be a bad thing? I guess I have two questions: one, am I being closed-minded or unreasonable? And two, why do men find feminism so off-putting?
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female
reader, jitterbug +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Your bf's response was rather juvenile, IMO. It sounds like he views being a feminist as unappealing, given that he used the term in a derogatory manner.Not all men find it off-putting, either.In fact, some men respect an outspoken woman who won't tolerate being treated as second-class, or patronised...........
my personal thoughts on threesomes is that they very rarely work out well, once they leave the realm of fantasy
and become reality. Someone always ends feeling like the odd man (or woman) out. I've seen a lot a friends' relationships fall apart after introducing a third party.
And those were cases where all involved parties were willing..........
(looks good on paper, but.............)
You were very wise to come up with the counter-argument that you did, asking if he'd be willing to have a threesome with a guy.
I believe you would be even wiser to evaluate your relationship with your bf very, carefully.
His reaction does sound a bit disrespectful of your point of view and your feelings.
I'm not saying to dump him right off the bat, but I think it would be in your best interests to pay very close attention.........
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): I agree with those answers. Now you have to think about what this will do for your relationship? If he is that determined to get a threesome from you then it will always be something that's in the back of his mind. Now if this guy is not someone you plan to marry then who cares! But if this guy is a possible long term relationship then it might ruin you down the line cause he might go elswhere to get what he wants. Just depends on how badly he wants it. Some girls are just not into it and that's it. And it seems like your one of those girls
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): wow.. i agree with griffo... a tit for tat is in order here... and he is talking shit to make you feel bad.. stick to your guns and trust your instincts here. Hes a troll trying to get what he wants regardless of how you feel.. maybe you should offer him a deal.. you suck him off and i will have sex with a girl...lol see if he agrees...
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 No, you are right what you did, so ask him next time "Would you kiss another guy or suck him off for me? im sorry but im not interested in that"
Don't worry about the feminist thing. he's just trying to make you feel bad. Nonetheless he has no idea what hes talking about. Being a feminist or not does not mean you have to be a lesbian or have sex with another girl. it has nothing to do with it. so hes just talking shit to make you feel bad ;)
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