A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf just told me that I would fail at my career because I'm not loud and out going enough. I was so hurt by what he said. He thinks hes an expert cause a friend of his works in the industry. The thing is though, you dont have to be like that to be in the industry I want to work in. Im currently already doing a traineeship in the industry and my boss who is the manager is alot like me, quiet, shy etc and she is the manager of a very successful international organisation. I just feel so hurt and angry by what he said. To have someone who you love and who claims to care about you, say that you are going to fail because of who of you are, hurts. He said I need to change to succeed. I think part of the reason why he said what he said was because his friend (the loud outgoing one who works in the industry) doesnt like me. I think shes partly jealous. Ive always thought she had a crush on him. So I think he disaproval of our relationship and he negative words about me, is influencing him alot. I dont know what to do. Everytime Im at work, I just sit there thinking how Im going to fail now. Deep down, I know its not true what he said. But I still cant help but believe what he said to a certain extent. Now every day, I hear those words 'you will not make it, you will fail if you dont change' over and over again in my head each day at work. Its got to the point where Im making mistkaes in my work because im so upset and distracted.Any advice?
View related questions:
at work, crush, jealous, my boss, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Spending your life with a person like this will only drag you down, your boyfriend should be someone who supports you in everything you do, and believes in you 100%. If he really loved you then he would want to see you do well in your career, and would help you in any way he can to achieve success in your chosen career.
Instead it seems that he is trying to discourage you, and make you feel inadequate. I have a strong feeling that he said that comment because he works in the same industry, therefore he wants to be the successful one and would be jealous if you became more successful than him. Therefore by making that comment he knows he will affect your confidence and he knows that it will damage your career.
You need to ask yourself, do you really want to be with someone that would deliberately try and affect your confidence, and deliberately try and negatively affect your career for their own selfish reasons? I bet the answer is no! You deserve someone that would encourage you in all that you do, someone who will push you to be the best you can be. There are men out there that are like that. I promise. It is just unfortunate you have met a man who cannot handle a successful woman and feels threatened by the idea that his girlfriend could have a better career than him.
Now it is entirely your decision whether or not you stay with him, but you need to put yourself first. This career seems very important to you, therefore you need to do all you can to succeed. And your boyfriend is standing in the way of your success, so you need to evaluate if he is actually a good influence in your life, or if he is only bringing negativity. If he only brings negativity to your life then he is not someone you need around you!
I hope this helps and good luck! Remember to stay focussed on your goals and believe in yourself that you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it. Never let anyone bring you down!
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 The emotional damage is done you dont seem like youve ever had any criticism before your taking this hard not that i blame you but still. Your bf is a jerk break up with tell him you need to think things over getting away from him may help get a therapist a proffesional may be able to help you this is really eating you up it could get worst. I hope you leave that man atleast for awhile he doesnt disserve you, but another thing that may make you feel better is talking to him tell him how he hurt you he may have an explanation for his comment good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I have experienced very similar to you and what I would say is that this sounds like a damaging point in your relationship. Has he said anything like this before to put you down? He chose his words without care - if he meant to try and encourage you to be more confident, yet criticised you about being too quiet then he has just dug you in a deeper hole. I would withdraw your discussions about your career with him for a while and carry on progressing in your own pace. It does sound a little strange regarding this other woman who he is clearly comparing you to. Is he trying to keep you apart from speaking to one another? Does he like knowing she has a crush on him and so does not want that little bit of 'excitement' ruined? Perhaps he is actually jealous of you and wonders if you are getting too confident and will outshine him and so by criticising you he will keep you down and in your place and he can control what you do a bit more. Whatever the reason he is absolutely wrong and in knowing he has hurt you he should immediately apologise and retract it. These kinds of comments, if they start happening more and more regularly are the start of an abusive relationship so please for your own sake and sanity watch out for it and no way accept any of it. In the meantime you get out there and get what you want in life - nobody has the right to tell you you are not good enough or will fail. Someone who properly cares about you will not make you feel bad about yourself.
...............................
|
