A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:me and my bf were talking about how wish i can be away form my parents,i had had enough with themhe told me that i should make more friends because it's kinda weird if i'm with him most of time...my instinct felt weird when he said this so i asked him what's that mean,then he answered that i need friends n he'll be my best friend,also as lover...i asked him why are you saying this..he said it's to help me to become more independent he knows i have trouble making friends since a child,most friends are few males...and i'm not independent due to my parents' over-protectiveness...he might have told this to help me but it hurted my pride so muchdoes that mean he got tired of me so he excused himself by saying this???we meet 1-2 times a week,i don't call or text him..unless he does first..we don't see each other if we have no reason to meet...the way bf talked angers and saddens me that he made it sounded like i'm totally reliant on him
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 ... maybe that's precisely why you are not independent enough: all your boyfriends made sure you'd spend all your free time with them, rather than encouraging and helping you to be your own person that can have a life also beside the relationship.
Just because your parents are /were overprotective, that does not need to mean that you'll always have to be protected and have to give up to a regular social life...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Well, maybe this guy is a much better guy than the others you've dated! He sounds like he really cares about you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for advice..well i'm not used to have bf,telling me to be independent
all of my exes made sure that i spent most of time on them.
they knew my weakness but they don't care less,as long as i'm with them
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for advice...well i'm not used to have bf,telling me to be more independent...all of my exes always made sure that i spent most of time on them and they dun care less whether i had friends or not..
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 You may only spend 1-2 times a week with him, but if he is your only real social outing in a week, he may be feeling awkward that his is your only close friend?
He is suggesting you get a fuller life. That is not a bad thing. Just because your parents protected you so much growing does not mean you have to continue being sheltered.
Consider learning new skills, finding other social groups, etc. These experiences will make your life richer, your self esteem grow, and you will have more to share and talk about with your bf.
The more we bring to a relationship-we ward off boredom and that feeling as if we are the ONLY entertainment for our partner.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 October 2011):
 You might not believe this, but in this case, I think he was actually trying to be helpful to you.
You were driving the conversation talking about wanting to be free of your parents. He was trying to offer up a solution to help you become free and independent. His honesty might have struck a nerve in you, but he was trying to be a problem solver.
I think you're reading too far into what he said, that if he's telling you to meet other friends, then he's trying to get rid of you. Listen to the context in which he made the comments. You were distressed about your state with your parents and he was thinking about how you can get unstuck from your parents.
You have a choice -- whether to nurse your pride, or to think about the solution to your problem. I guarantee you that if you go the over-analyzing hurt pride way, your situation won't change. However, if you see your boyfriend's comments and honesty to be that he loves you and hates seeing you distressed, you and he can work together to help yourself out.
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female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (1 October 2011):
 Men love an independent woman. They love to see their woman who doesn't give up their life for them, meaning you have your world and you can live your life with or without them. They love a woman who is strong and not weak. Who can make decisions and rationalize things. This is most likely want your BF wants for you. And it is for your own good and that would spark his love for you as well if you can take care of yourself and have the desires in life for yourself. Your BF tells you this because he cares for you and he wants you to be strong.This is also what my BF told me and he taught me how to be strong, he never left me behind but guided me in a tough way and I learned how to make decisions, how to have control in life,he taught me how to be an independent thinker and stand for what is right for me, he taught me how to live life with no one to depend on but myself. It was a tough lesson he gave me that I was even thinking he became harsh and rough on me but it was the greatest lesson I learned from him that I will never forget forever in my life. Until this time, we are together and become more close and open with each other because we have the understanding, respect and above all we love each other.I hope you and your boyfriend will go hand in hand for your independence. Be strong now, you owe it to yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): Has he done anything else to make you feel like he's trying to distance himself? If not, it's likely he was just being honest with you. If you really and truly don't have many friends, he's probably not making things up.
It's great to have a support system of friends you can talk to and spend time with! I wouldn't look too far into this, as I think your boyfriend was just trying to be helpful.
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