A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*sigh* I've just found out that my BF, who I thought was a virgin, isn't a virgin at all. Turns out that one time when he was drunk, he had sex with a girl he didn't, and still doesn't, know. He can't remember it, but TWO different people told him. And although it happened way before we met... I feel sick to my stomach.He says that he's not proud of it, and doesn't even remember it, so he still considers himself a virgin, but it makes me feel so upset to find out that some other girl touched him... and that he kept it from me.He has told me that he wants another "first time", and this time for it to have meaning, and feeling... with me. But I can't shake the horrible feeling of hating a girl I don't even know.It honestly makes me want to be sick, to know that some other girl has touched MY guy, felt his soft skin caressing her, felt him inside her, pleasuring her, before me. Is it natural to feel this way? Or am I a bad person?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL, anonymous, you all seem to think I´m a virgin. I´m not. I was just upset that he hadn´t told me and I felt sick that someone had touched MY guy before me. I´m not usually like that. But for some reason I was with my current BF. I´m over it now, as I said in my last reply.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): If you are such a child about that solitary fact, maybe you should grow up a little and gain some life experience before you start having sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. I am starting to accept it, but it's those odd moments where I stop and can't help but visualize it, and it makes me feel sick. But I AM working through it.
I love him so much, even if he doesn't know it, and I trust him, I believe what he said, so I'm willing to over-look the fact that he's not a proper virgin.
Hey, if he can consider himself a virgin, why can't I? And I want his proper "first time" to be special. So I'll do anything I can to make him feel amazing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): unless there was someone else in the room with him how the hell would they know what actually happened? and if it did then you have to accept it, because you may hold out for another virgin but that won't make him the right person. the right person is someone you love and someone who loves you (which he clearly does)
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack... +, writes (31 August 2007):
i think oyuneed to tihnk about how maybe you think you own him?
do you think you own him and he shouldnt be with anyone except you?
do you think you have rights over him?
sorry if that sounds out of order but youve gotta ask yourself those questions, and accept the fact hes not "yours".
he is "yours" but you dont own him.
im massively im love with my boyfriend,adore him.
but iv accepted hes slept with people pther than me cos thats just natural, right?
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 its understandable that you are hating the fact that he has slept with someone,but you need to see that everyone has a first time and many times it doesnt mean anything.i totally understand where he is coming from saying that he wants to experience a proper 'first time' with someone that he really cares about.i wish that i could go back and have my first time with my boyfriend.wat you need to know is that yes he slept with someone but 1) he was drunk and knows it was a mistake 2) he cares about you NOT her and 3) on no level would their experience have been caressing,pleasuring or any of those because it was meaningless and there were no feelings between the two. accept that he has slept with someone and move on - be happy that he cares about you enough to want to experience something more than just sex with you and that there will be proper feelings involved. email me if you need any more advice hun xxx
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (31 August 2007):
You're not a bad person to feel this way and I think its very common for people to feel like this. When I had sex with my bf for the first time, I felt like this too because he had been with a few other girls before me.
However the thing you have to remember is that everyone has a first time. And do you honstly think that your bf is going to be the ONLY person YOU are ever going to have sex with? If not, then I suggest you treat him the way you would like other people to treat you in the future, because if you have sex with your bf and then you guys break up, you dont want guys to be turned off by you because of that do you?
But if you do want him to be your first and only one, then I would suggest not having sex just yet. It is obviously a big issue to you and you want it to be special with someone who is sharing their first time with you too. So perhaps wait to see if you guys are still together in years and years later, or wait for another guy who is a virgin.
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