A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help. I been a relationship for 2 and a half years lately my current bf has been asking questions about my ex. My ex and I dated for 3 months I broke up with him because he was trying to talk to someone else while being with me and he liked me more then I liked him. That 3 month relationship was the biggest mistake I ever made. My current bf has convinced himself that the only reason I cared about my ex talking to some was because I was in love with him. I never felt like I was in love with him. I actually hates it when my current bf even brings up my ex. He was a mistake one that I don't want to remember. My bf keeps telling me to admit to him that I was in love with him which I can't do because I never felt that way. But he always gets his way so I'm afraid out of frustration I might just say its true so he can stop talking about. I never loved my ex. My current bf is my first love I know when I love someone and I know I didn't love my ex. I don't want to loose my boyfriend. I know him he might say "admit that you loved him, or I won't talk to you anymore." and since I don't want that to happen I might just agree to keep him shut. But I know my heart and I know who I have loved and is only been my current bf him and noone else.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): This is a difficult one, because no matter what you say to your boyfriend, he will only hear what he chooses to hear. He will only believe what he chooses to believe. And he is choosing to believe that you was in love with your ex. If you say you were not, he doesn't like it. If you told him you were, he wouldn't like that either. So really, no matter what you say to him, you can't win.
I am really sorry you are in such an awkward position. I don't think your boyfriend is being fair to you at all. I am not sure why he is being like this, it is almost like he is looking for some excuse to be upset or angry with you. Not only that, but even if you DID love your ex at some point, what does that matter? Your past is your past, and your ex is your ex for a reason. He is your history, so I can't see why that should bother your boyfriend. He is also bringing up a subject you clearly find upsetting, and that is not nice either.
I am sorry, but I really don't like the sound of this situation at all. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be considering your feelings at all. For some reason, he has latched onto this idea of you being in love with your ex in the past, and will not let it go, no matter what you choose to say. I don't think you can win here. I know you don't want to lose your boyfriend, but are you happy to have things continue as they are?
My advice would be to put your foot down with him, and do not tolerate being treated like this any longer. Tell him that you are not going to stand for this any more, and that if he doesn't stop this behaviour you will walk away. And mean it. I think that if he cares about you, he will try to change his behaviour, and will be willing to work on whatever it is that is bothering him about this. If he is not willing to work on his attitude though, or if he continues to blame you, then I actually think you would be better out of the relationship anyway.
I am sorry if this is not what you were hoping to hear, and I know this must be a difficult time for you. Please take care of yourself, and don't allow anyone to bring you down. Take care. x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 July 2010):
Why are you with a guy who isn't trusting? Why would you just lie to shut him up? You don't need to prove anything your new guy. The proof is that you're not with your ex. That's all the proof you need. He doesn't need anymore proof, and if he's not listening to you or trusting you, then you need to get away from him NOW. Because you can be sure of one thing. This won't stop. In ten years time, he will still be going on about how you loved your ex, and it will get worse. It's very simple. Either he believes you, or you leave. Love isn't enough. You need love, trust, care, loyalty and a whole lot of other things. Don't sit there and lie and be treated like second best by this new guy. Don't, or this will be your life. To be honest, he's coming across as quite abusive. He 'always gets his way'. 'Just admit it'. He's not really that great at all.
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