A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering what everyone thinks of this and how you may go about dealing with this. I have tried discussing this nicely with my fiance' but he says he doesn't think there is a problem. But I am concerned there is an underlying problem. He thinks sex is dirty and gross. I do not doubt he loves me but lack of interest in anything romantic or physical worries me. We have been together 6 years and our wedding is in three months. I do not suspect him of cheating. When sleeping he will initiate sex. Sometimes he will just roll over and say romantic things. A few years ago I use to get worried he was dreaming of someone else but most of the time I am sure he is awake enough to know its me he is talking to. If he is half asleep and its in the middle of the night he occasionally gets very touchy romantic and interested. I am wondering if other people are experiencing this? There is something that holds their partner back from beingromantic or physical when fully awake yet they are able to somehow get past in a half awake state? I don't really mind the sex timing so much but I really miss feeling a sense of romance in waking hours. I feel down about it a lot.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): There is a medical condition where a person can engage in full sex whilst completely asleep. It's related of course to Sleep Walking.
Look it up it's creatively called 'Sleep-sex disorder'.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_sex
There are many other reputable sites (you never really can entirely trust wikipedia) you can look at.
Its probably not this disorder, but you may wish to check it out anyway.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Very confused about your post.. you say he has sex with you, but he's not romantic... don't understand why you say he "thinks sex is dirty and gross".. You say he intitates sex.. is it not frequent enough for you?.. I really can't understand the problem.
You talk about romance, very different from sex... Your guy sounds like he is a normal brainwashed man, who thinks romance is only for girls.
Please update your post and clarify, exactly what makes you think he dosen't like sex.
Also, massage, massage with almond oil, or almond oil and essential oils like lavender (almond oil and lavender oil are easy to get anywhere in the world from a chemist) makes a man feel loved and romantic... massage him from head to foot... not only his sex parts, but the areas of his body that ache everyday, his feet, his knees, his neck, shoulder and arms..
In the old times of the bible, they called this anoiting.. There are very few men who receive this treatment twice a week that will still say stong and unloving... oiling the body of the person you love, makes them feel worshiped and adored and loved, helps them relax, improves their breathing and heart rate, and over time will help them open up and tell you about their secrets and vunerablities, and change them into a more considerate, calm, joyfull and loving person..
I believe in the power of massage, known in the past as "annotiting, or the loving touch"... You can't get married to this man, as long as you feel he's confused and distant.. call of the wedding untill you get this sorted.
You put up for this for six years? Why? You only noticed a problem 3 months before the wedding... maybe the problem is yours, and your getting frightened and making up stories so you can leave this guy and run away.
As I said, you have provided no evidence or explaination about his dislike of sex.
PS: How often do you two have sex?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Sex doesnt make the world go round but it is important factor in a marriage and a relationship..So he thinks sex is dirty and gross but its not when ur half asleep? Has he always been this way or is it a sudden change? If he's always been this way and ur unhappy break that engagement or postpone the wedding. ..and seek couples counseling to see if u can figure out what his problem is..There's always a reason for lack of sex, or none altogether..reasons being he's stressed at work and the libido just isnt flowing when hes in that state of mind, he's seeing someone else and feels guilty about it so he cant bring himself to be intimate with u, or ur sex is that redundant and he's not into it anymore..Then i would do things to spice it up..If he's always been like this then u must have accepted it at one point, then now ur changing ur mind bc its important to u..Nip this problem in the bud before u get married!
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