A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:My ex boyfriend lost feelings for me after we had our first drama as a couple. He thought I wanted to break up with him but it wasn't like that. He blames it on that. I don't think it was such a big deal. I expect all couples to fight and then makeup. He was distant for a whole month and now we are broken up. We had only been together for two months, but i'm not sure if I should even count the second month...I feel like he just couldn't handle the pressure. He probably felt I was too much, when in actuality I ask very little of him. Just a fifteen minute call here and there and to communicate when we have fights. He thinks that by me telling him what I'm not getting, he thinks that i'm blaming him for everything and that I make him feel bad by doing it. We barely got to know each other and he backed out way too early. He treated me like crap the second month, but because we didn't really get to know each other yet I wanted us to give it another try. He wasn't being cooperative and was still being distant after I thought we had talked it out. Afterwards I got fed up and was almost going to break it off with him but thought back to the good times we had together, and what a good person and catch he was, and decided to try to talk it out with him instead. Right when I called he broke it off with me first. He probably saw it coming and wanted to be the dumper instead of the dumpee. In any case, neither of us were too happy in the relationship. He thought I was selfish.I suppose he is someone who really does believe in a one true love and can't handle it when that feeling is gone. Is there anything else that i'm missing?I just blame him for being immature (we're both 22) and not knowing what he wants and not wanting to work on this. I think we could have made it work if only he only tried.I guess it comes down to the fact that i'm ready and willing to commit and settle down and face the hard stuff and he isn't?Any genuine and helpful insight is greatly appreciated.I'm a little confused, hurt, and disappointed right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): Your key paragraph right here: "I just blame him for being immature (we're both 22) and not knowing what he wants and not wanting to work on this. I think we could have made it work if only he only tried."
You hit the nail right on the head with that one. He's immature, he doesn't know what he wants. What he DOES know is that he doesn't want to work very hard for anything. And if both of you had wanted it to work, you would've made it work and resolved your issues.
I know that it hurts to be let down the way you were, but I think you'll just have to chalk this one up to a loss. It's for the best, really, that he backed out now rather than waiting until you were much more committed or talking about the future.
A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 I see that this relationship might not work you because his problem solving skills are terrible. it's only been couple of months so there isn't much invested in this relationship. No point in trying to "work it out" because it only get harder as time gose on. fine someone who is just as mature as you are.
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