A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 14 my boyfriend lives far away so when we meet up we are usually soo happy we get...erm...closeHe wants me to lose my virginity to him, its not i dont want to but first im no where near ready, second im starting to like this other guy at my school and third, he doesnt know this but ive lost my virginity, it wasnt consented.The b****** raped me and every time i get close to my boyfriend my skin is crawling, i was about to tell him once but he then went on to say that he loves me for everything about me, expecaly the fact im "pure" how do i tell him im not?...without having to relive that night...hope you can helpbyexxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): if he really loves you he will listen and understand you and will wait as long as it takes to have that one special night with you
A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (19 June 2007):
 ask for a moment alone with him, gentely explain what happened and explain thats why you behave the way u behave
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Hey don't feel ashamed to tell your boyfriend about your terrible ordeal, if he loves you he will understand. x
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A
female
reader, keely-h +, writes (10 June 2007):
 if he loves you like you say he wouldnt be annoyed and perfectly understand
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): I fully agree: you're pure, dear. Rape is not your fault.
In principle, if your bf loves you, he will understand how you feel and he'll not pressure you to be with him until you're ready.
However, you need to be careful. You mentioned that he wants you to lose your virginity with him. I'm Latin American. In my culture, sleeping with a virgin is something every man wants, and many of us will go too far to get it. You know your man, and he may be a good guy, but, what if all he wants is to "take" your virginity? If he's this sort of a man, your telling him you were raped would be no good.
If I were you, I would ask him to wait longer, because you're not ready. In the meantime, I would try to know his character better. If you can't be sure he will understand that you were ABUSED, then don't do it with him, and don't tell him either. You don't need anyone telling his friends you were raped, do you?
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A
female
reader, whiskey_cowgurl  +, writes (8 June 2007):
but you are pure hun... your not 'dirty' as it was not your fault.
you were raped... that's a very serious thing, something your not going to be able just to forget. i was nearly raped last year, and i know how tramatized i was (and still am)... i can only being to imagine how you feel. anytime anyone gets close to me i think about it, i imagine you are the same way.
Hiding it from your boyfriend isn't a good thing, if he truly loves you he will understand. If you never tell him and you start to pull away he may believe it is his fault, that you don't like him, and that wouldn't be any good. Just get him alone, when you are both relaxed and comfortable, and then tell him.
say "look, i was raped when i was younger. it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. everytime i get close to anyone i think about it and then i pull away. it's not your fault, and i don't want you to think i don't love you, because i do. i just want you to know that it scares me"
and if he really cares about you, it won't matter. he'll understand and won't be taken back or scared away. love knows no bounds. he's liked you up until this point (or else you wouldn't be together) and your telling him this is not going to change you as a person.
best of luck hun, whiskey
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A
female
reader, heartxbrokenxgurl  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 my friend was raped when she was very young but u need to be straight with ur boyfriend incase he asks u wats wrong when he wants to have sex so just tell him u got raped and dont worry he shuld understand ur unconfortable and u need to chose the guy u rele like ur boyfriend or the other guy so uj dont end up cheating on ur boyfriend but otherwise goodluck?
bye ,
heartxbrokenxgurl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): I know how you feel. Trust me. I went through the same thing that you are now, except that I am 18. I went through three boyfriends after the one that had done that to me. None of the relationships lasted long because I couldn't get close without reliving that horrible night. Finally I found an amazing guy, one who loved that I was "pure." Finally I knew that I had to tell him. It was horrible to talk about it, obviously he had a lot of questions, but I did, and I felt so much better about it too. He compltely understood, and he still considers me pure. He knows that when I do give it to him that it will be different, it will be like my first time. Since he knows that it wasn't consentual the first time, he promises that he will wait for me until I am ready. He never wants me to hurt like that again. Basically, he has been an amazing support to me. I think you really need to tell him. Hopefully he will understand, and if he doesn't then he is not worth it. Good luck, and value what you still have. Remember, just because you were raped, doesn't mean you have to give it up to every guy.
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (7 June 2007):
 I cant even begin to understand your pain, but if you want to get even a little bit serious you should tell him. If hes not able to handle your past pain than hes not the right one...or even a good one. In truth your first time was a rape, he might've taken your virginity physically but im betting he didnt take it emotionally. Tell him about your situation, you have to start relationships on trust, plus you mentioned earlier that you werent even close to being ready for a sexual relationship so tell him that too.best of luck-Myeshamessage me and tell me how it goes
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