A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im in so much pain, i dont trust anyone anymore and i dont know who to turn to for help!i was with him for 2years where our longest breakup only lasted 2weeks! he always told me how much he loved me, how he could never do without me, how he could never stand the thought of me being with someone else.. he always told me how beautiful i was and how lucky he was to have me as his girlfriend, introduced me to his family! i was his first gf and everyone always told me i could do so much better (looks wise) but i didnt care it was his personality i was in love with and i didnt care about what any1 else had to say. his self confidence was so low that everytime someone looked at our direction he would say "they probably are wondering how a ugly boy like ever get with a beautful girl like you!" ive always tried to help with we went shopping together to make him feel better with himself. i hated the idea of him thinking like that! it come to a point where i wouldnt even make a effort to look nice anymore to avoid any attention next to him just so he didnt feel bad..and two weeks ago i found out he was cheating on me for the last 2months. i dont know what other people will classfiy this as but for me its cheating. his friend told me for the last two months his been checking out other girls and it come to a stage where he will pull the window down and call them beautiful!! im heart broken and in so much pain i dont understand where did it all go wrong just 3weeks ago he was crying to me telling me how sorry he was because he had hurt me!!now when other people approach me on road and call me beautiful it turns my stomach inside out, i feel sick!!!its been two weeks now and he hasnt even tried to contact me and within this 2weeks period it was our anniversary i havent heard anything from him and know i heard from his friends that his out clubbing every week having the time of his life.i will never take him back but its a feeling i cant discribe its tourturing me and i cant stop crying. everyones so shocked people had so much respect for him and its all gone now i cant believe he would do such thing!! i dont understand whyyy??
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anniversary, cheated on me, clubbing, confidence, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): I did precisely the same thing... only I married him. 12 years into the marriage he gets hooked on porn and cheats... Why? Poor self esteem... If you don't know who you are... you're always trying to find ways to 'hear' how great you are. When you know who you are... well, you don't need others to pump your ego.
My husband explained that he was feeling down about himself (job, etc...) and the women were telling him what he wanted to hear... and he'd lie through his teeth in order to get them to believe whatever they needed to believe so that his supply of praise would keep on coming.
Imagine being in my shoes... The silver lining in my case is that I stuck it out, kicked his ass, and he cleaned up his act and became someone worth me being married to.
News flash. No one cheats because something is missing in their relationship.
They cheat because something is missing inside of them.
Don't ever forget that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): thank you all so much for your response, i dont think he will ever come back once he gets use to him new life routine but its his choice and whether he comes back or not i would never trust him again therefore never even think about getting back with him. im trying to move on with my life but its so difficult at the momement, i use to spend everyday with him but obvioulsy now thats not an option and im finding it difficult to cope with.. i am trying the whole "keep yourself busy" tecnique but when i get into bed at night thats when i start thinking about everything all over again and i cant sleep!
tennisstar88 i honestly dont remember what that breakup what about it must have been something so silly hence why i dont even remember..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Ive a feeling he will live to regret what hes doing. Sometimes when people try to settle down when they are young it just doesnt always work. Its not your fault. And sometimes when people bang on all day about being ugly its a form of inverted vanity. People who really think theyre ugly usually make up for it in other ways. By being very kind, fooling around to be popular ect. They dont normally bring attenton to themselves by pointing out that they feel ugly all the time. They usually keep quiet about it. Ive a feeling hes just discovered his magic mirror! Something has given his confidence a boost and hes becoming 'The Man' with his mates and hes enjoying the attention from them and the girls. Give him time and he will settle down again. And once the dust has settled and hes gotten over his wild phase he will think of you again and realise hes been an idiot. I know that doesnt help you much at the moment but try and keep your chin up. It's him not you. Keep busy and find things to do that will take our mind off him for now. Ask his friends not to repeat things to you about him. It wont help. Im sure he will come to his senses eventually if only to tell you hes sorry x
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Why do people cheat? For the thrill, because their current relationship/marriage lacks something causing them to seek it elsewhere, they're getting bored in their relationship but also don't want to break it of..etc.
Technically, he didn't cheat. He didn't kiss, or have any kind of sex with the opposite sex. All he did was have some word vomit, and has a pair of wandering eyes. Not someone I would want to date, so I agree with you there.
Apparently he didn't have that low of self esteem, since he was hitting on other girls and is frequenting the club scene. It's possible that you really didn't know who he was, his sweet comments sound like a front. Just out of curiosity why did you guys go on that 2 week break?
Anyways, now his true colors are shining through this is who he really is. Better to know now, than down the road when you're emotionally in too deep. Time to move on and be glad you're done with that jerk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): sounds like all he needed was attention from other girls to bring up his confidence but i'm not sure this person sounds alot like me because i tend to cry when i hurt my girlfriend and think i'm ugly but i would never just abandon her for clubbing and stuff just forget about him and try to move on i know it might be hard but its the best option for you.
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A
female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (18 November 2010):
Dump him and don't ever look back... trust me, you are too young to put up with this crap... obviously, he has so many issues with his self esteem and is screwed up in the head that he doesn't know is ass from a hole in the ground right now. I've learned enough in my life to know that when a man has low self esteem, they will sometimes use the attention of others to validate themselves.. they will use others to boost their lousy self esteem. Don't take this situation personally, trust me... it's HIM, not you.
And sweetie, trust me, you may never understand the WHY of it because sometimes there are no concrete answers other than people are just bad deep down and they don't appreciate or recognize a good thing in front of them. He'll look back one day and regret this if he has a conscience at all, but until then cut him out of your life and one day when he grows a pair and realizes what an idiot he was, he'll likely come back and apologize with sincerity if he is deep down decent at all. But that will be a LONG while & only when he grows the F up! Seriously, cut him loose... you don't need that crap. You are too young and there are too many others out there waiting for a beauty like you who will appreciate what you have to offer and not do that to you. This guy has ISSUES.
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