A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend finds his jokes funny but I don't. I have a virus and am feeling low and mentioned that I was in a pantomine next month. His reply was "Well Im sure they can find another ugly sister somewhere." Im not even playing that part and just find his humour so childish and hurtful. For my birthday he posted a card with 200 candles on it. How romantic is that? I am so fed up wih his childish comments. We get on great until he drops these one liners. I have told him inappropiate he is. He always apologises until the next time.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): You don't share the same sense of humour.And that could be a deal breaker in a relationship.Two people should be able to be silly together and get each other's humour. The humour which comes naturally to him and which he finds funny, I might add, seems to repel you. So, clearly you are not compatible this way.If it bothers you too much, I suggest letting him go and finding a new girlfriend who laughs at all his jokes. Because she gets him and his humour.You sound pretty uptight. Sorry. Just calling it the way I see it.None of his comments would bother me. I can roll with the punches and laugh at it. I'm not uptight and love a good laugh and laugh it off even if it wasn't so funny. It's all in good fun. If this is the way he is, why did you ever begin dating him if you thought all his jokes were mean spirited? If his humour bothered you so much? I mean people don't change that much. He must have always been this way.Here's the bottom line:If you can't laugh together, don't stay together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): I had a similar thing once with a partner. The jokes were pathetic and often at my expense. They just weren't funny but I bit my tongue. Eventually the jokes weren't the only issue because if you put up with the digs then they'll see what else they can see if you'll put up with...
Abusive behaviour is abusive behaviour whether it's words or violence, subltle or undisguised.
If someone loves you and has your best interests at heart then their priority should be looking after you and making sure you're happy. Someone who is screwed up and selfish makes you feel bad in order to make themselves feel better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): My ex husband once gave me a Valentine's Day card that implied I pick my nose. Another time, upon waking in the morning, he told me that we were lucky to find each other because we should "face it we're both pretty ugly" (neither of us are). If he had a few drinks he'd tell friends and/or acquaintances he found me on a street corner -- fortunately I had a good comeback for that one. I'd say he should have left me there because I'd probably be happier.
You have to make your own decisions, weigh the good against the bad, but it can wear thin after awhile. Note that he is my ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): Having read your additional comment about undermining your self esteem I would say this is a red flag. They're not jokes. They are digs and what kind of boyfriend does that. Do not continue to excuse his behaviour as immature. If you tell him you don't like what he does but he continues then I actually think he is verging on (if not already) being abusive. You don't have to put up with it. How low do you want your esteem to get?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): It seems to me he is an aspiring comedian who is trying his jokes on you and making you the subject of his jokes. This is so crazy. Tell him that and tell him to find another subject for his jokes because you dont find them amuzing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): Tell him he needs to get his act together or it's over. And stick to your word. This has gone on for way too long. Didn't you post earlier about his hurtful "jokes"? If he hasn't understood in all this while, this isn't incompatibility in humour - this is just him being plain insensitive.
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A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (6 November 2016):
 Sadly it is also his sneaky in a jokey way of demeaning you. Ie keeping upperhand. There are jokes and jokes but it grinds you down. Why is he so insecure that he needs to do this? Not my favourite type of personality, is he always doing this?? Ugh..yuk
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 November 2016):
If you find his sense of humour childish, treat it accordingly. Roll your eyes and do a fake hysterical laugh, holding your ribs like they are hurting from laughing. Then stop instantly and change the subject.
He probably doesn't realize how hurtful he is being and quite possibly doesn't mean to upset you. As you say, HE finds it funny.
You can't control what others do but you can control how you react to it.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (5 November 2016):
I like honey reply and maybe add if to him oo I see they got you part in the princess and the toad .. him being the toad .. If he says that's not nice just say I'm messing like you .. get his big boy pants on haha good luck sweetie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2016): Sometimes people can 'disguise' undermining comments as jokes. They might accuse you of being overly sensitive or brush it off as 'just a joke'. When that joke is always at your expense it wears very thin. His humour is just enough to make you question why he's doing it. WHAT he really means. Also it is just inappropriate. Humour compatibility is key in a relationship. Something to consider.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 November 2016):
 This is who he is? He is a different sense of humor than you and that is really not something you can change. (nor can he, though HE can learn to mind his mouth around you, but he might not want to).
So either accept it or join in...
For example, for HIS next birthday buy a happy 6th birthday! IF he asks you why 6? You tell him he is about as mature as a 6-year-old.
For someone in his 30's it's kinda lame, but some people's sense of humor never matures. Think about how many grown men still find fart jokes funny?!
I don't think there is a fix for this, sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2016): I am OP. He also has made comments about how I look so "different" without make up, it's almost scary, and when am I going to find something "A little more sexy" to wear when we go out. All these things are chipping away at my self esteem. I have my share of male admirers but just feel my confidence is taking a bashing with him.
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