A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am living with my boyfriend and have been for about 6 months. i love him to bits but he keeps on criticising me. he has said that 3 girls he has previously slept with were better than me because they were virgins and that i've had sex with too many men. he also drops hints about my weight, my clothing, and even my hobbies! i feel like i will never be good enough for him, and have even started getting upset when he looks at the girls in lads mags! i've tried talking to him about it, but he just makes jokes and pretty much ignores everything i bring up. he is a lovely person, it's just that he sometimes care what he says and whether it'll hurt me or not. any hints on how to get through to him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Pom +, writes (3 May 2008):
You are NOT respecting yourself being with him!
You need to treat yourself with more respect. Demand respect and that is what you will be given FROM THE START of a relationship. If you don't feel respected you need to find some else who will respect you. It is far better to be alone that with a twat which is what he is. PLEASE dump him it is better for your future. You are an intelligent, beautiful talented young woman who needs to find a man who repsects her. Do not worry about being alone - love will always find you in the end so enjoy your singel years while you can - don't settle for some idiot or you'll really regret it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): i agree with most of the others. it is the opposite way in my relationship. im not fat i just have a lil "pouch" on my lower stomach that i cant seem to get rid of. so im self concious sometimes becauses hes a hardcore athlete with an amazing body. he always tells me he loves my body he loves my personality he loves my attitude and im not very comfortable with him. since im only like 110 lbs im not too concerned with weight but if my bf ever said something about it i would feel so uncomfortable and disrespected and awkward around him..i dont think i could be in that relationship anymore..but i love my baby so much and i know he would never ever say that =]
good luck..and seriously ur not supposed to feel like that in a relationship so fuck that guy
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 He is mentally and emotionally abusing you .Talking to him is useless because he will not listen to you .His ears will automatically shut you out.
You need actions and not words to get across to this guy.Don't serve him or do things for him when he criticize you . Ask him to do it himself. He will realize that if he wants your service , he has to be nice to you.
If he criticize your clothes, ask him to buy those clothes he likes or ask him for the money to buy new clothes. Talk is cheap.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Let me tell you this... He is most CERTAINLY NOT a lovely person. By criticising you and saying "3 girls he has previously slept with were better than me because they were virgins and that i've had sex with too many men" and also "drops hints about my weight, my clothing, and even my hobbies" is showing a TOTAL lack of respect.
When you're with someone, you're with them for who they are. As a bloke if I want to wear a tutu and prance around wearing high heals then that's me. Love me for who I am or NOT.
Don't go trying to change me. WHen I'm with someone I'm with them and accept them for who they are. I'm not going to try and change someone into the person I want them to be.
If a relationship is good then he should make you feel good about yourself and vice versa. NOT make you feel self concious and insecure about yourself.
Criticise him and see how he likes it. This guy is CERTAINLY NOT lovely AT ALL.
I suggest you talk to him about it and tell him how what he says makes you feel and perhaps ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.
YOU TWO NEED TO TALK ABOU THIS AND HE NEEDS TO STOP SAYING STUFF LIKE THIS. If I were you I wouldn't stand for it myself and leave to be honest.
Let us know how you get on and best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): Oh my god! I wouldnt stand for that bollocks!!
How dare he, he's supposed to love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
not comparing you to other women and critisising things like your weight.
As soon as a man tries to change a person. get rid!
I know you obviously like him very much
but dont u think, as a woman of today, you deserve better?
I dont care how nice he is, I sure as hell wouldn't stand for that kind of treatment.
Imagine if you did the same to him HE sure as hell wouldnt stand for it, imagine telling him you prefered the other men you slept with and tell him u dont like his hobbies or weight. I bet you, he sure as hell wouldnt stand for it so why should you?
xx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 HI,
He puts you down, says you have slept with too many men and you think he's a "lovely person" ??
He sounds like an arsehole. You can't get through to guys like this, they get off on demeaning the women in their life it makes up for thier own insecurities.
It's up to you how long you want to remain his emotional punching bag. One this is for certain you can't change him.
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