A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have just found out my husband has been into a lap dancing club. Basically the other night i found out he had been viewing porn and he lied about it to me. My husband travels a little with his job, usually Prague, a few years ago he used to go to Germany and Tallin again that was business. In Feb he is going to Prague with a couple of friends for a footie match,they are staying in a hotel for a couple of nights. I have no problem with that. But this same night that i found out about the porn,i found out that his hotel (in Prague) is close to the town centre where there are a selection of these sleazy clubs/bars. I said that because of the lies he has told me i was concerned about the fact he may go in one.He said he would not waste money on that (money is not an issue, he earns a high salary) He swore on our children's lives he had never been into a lap dancing club in Prague. A short while later i realised that he had chosen his words carefully, so i confronted him, he then said he had been in a lap dancing club in another country, seeing the look on my face he quickly added that he had gone into one once with a work colleague when realising what it was they left. Apparently they had gone upstairs, seen what was on offer and left. Do men go into a club, see that it is this sleaze and then leave? i would like to believe him, but i just don't.I feel very hurt and feel as though i am wasting my time with him. He is fairly attentive to me and is a good father, but its the deceit i can't tolerate.
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male
reader, Daveeeeeee  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 Really I think that you should just give him a break , you said yourself he is a good husband and father , so please dont feel decieved , hes only going lap dancing .
Its just really good clean fun and really no harm is done . Guys will always do this kind of stuff ..Its just what we do . Plus while going to lap dancers he not playing with hookers .
Its a male thing ..He loves you and the children and is a wonderful provider ..So give him a break heh ?
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Hi
He may well have left the place right away. My fella is not really into porn at all. He has seen films obviously, watched a few with partners in the past, and he knows i have no problem with it at all to be honest. Its only visual stuff in my opinion, but he just doesnt find it floats his boat. I have told him one day i wouldnt mind going to one of those strip places just out of curiosity because i never have! But we havent got round to it as yet.
But he too says that strip clubs, anything like that, does nothing for him and are a waste of money. He visited one with a friend a few years ago and they both thought it was pretty boring. He doesnt think its worth the money. Its not like you can touch. Why line the pockets of the people that run those joints.
You probably have no choice but to take his word for it.
But if you are asking if all guys get off on watching strangers strip, then no, they dont.
He would of been economical with the truth in the past because he was avoiding confrontation. Not because he particularly enjoyed it and wanted to do it again i expect.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): Is he a reporter for the News of the World? They tend to make their excuses and leave in such situations. I think. That's what they say anyway!
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A
male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 I don't know. It's possible to go into a club not knowing what to expect. I don't know how clubs advertise in your country but here in the United States it's pretty freaking obvious what kind of club you're walking into before entering the front door (at least the clubs i've been to are pretty obvious).
So it's possible for a man to walk into a club and then leave because he didn't like the ambiance of the club or didn't like what he saw. Some men are very hung up on seeing other women naked and feel it's cheating on their spouse if they do. Other men don't see that as cheating since they didn't touch the woman. I guess it depends on your own set of morals and beliefs in how you interpret cheating.
And your husband looks or looked at porn? Like I said in my last sentence of the previous paragraph, you need to set your own interpretations on cheating - what you will and will not tolerate your husband doing. If your husband has been viewing porn and wish for him to stop - you need to discuss that with him. Tell him how you feel about the subject and why you feel that way. Open the lines of communication so you both get a chance to speak on your own behalf. When it's all over, come to a conclusion (hopefully a compromise) and try to stick to it.
With your husband apparently visiting a lap dancing club and leaving - well you'll just have to trust his word on that one. One of the biggest things in marriages that is missing today (in my opinion) is trust. If he tells you that is what happened - then unless you have reason to believe he is definitely lying to you, then you'll just have to believe him. That's his story. Would you be hurt if you told your husband the truth on a subject even though the story sounded a little sketchy - but you told the truth? Think about it.
Hope this helps.
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