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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a hard time deciding if he was cheating with this girl:He told me from the beginning--he speaks to two girls..One he has known since his pre-teens and never went out with. And another--a girl he went out with--he said it ended mutually and he said it was because they couldn't see each other a lot and because of her family. He said since it didn't end badly they talk once in awhile. I told him i didn't like it and think its weird for him to talk to a girl he saw only once in awhile while dating--obviously she couldn't be that important--why does he need to still speak to her. He said he doesn't ever see her and has no reason to see her but they just keep in touch by phone. He knew of my jealousy of it and one time we were in the car--the phone rings and i just knew it was a girl. He said to the person he was with his g/f and talked for a minute and then he said he was gonna go. I asked who it was and he said--"i said i was with my g/f, what are you worried about" he told me it was his friend mike..i didn't believe him at all. I looked at his cell and it did say mike..i let it go. On new years eve--he gets a text from "mike". we spent the weekend together and i saw a dialed call to mike..i copied down the number and it was her--the girl he went out with.. I was devasted at that time--thinking he was cheating. I did not know what to do. I made up a story and told it to him and said my friend just found out her b/f changed the name of a girl to a guy and i said don't you think this means he is cheating? and he said no--maybe the guy doesn't want his chops busted everytime his phone rings. We went through a rough time because i couldn't tell him i looked and copied the number down. I said would you ever do that? he said NO...the next time i looked at his cell--he altered it back to her name. I think he knew he got caught and we didnt speak about it but he altered it back. This was a rough time for me because i was trying to figure out if he was cheating or just didn't want me getting jealous and having arguments over her. I know in the begining her name was there but then i guess maybe after giving him a hard time about it--he changed it to "mike" Do you think it was more to avoid jealousy that he did this--or the fact that he said i was with my g/f pretty quickly meant he can't talk to her the way he ususally does???
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female
reader, Ainley +, writes (17 May 2006):
 i think firstly you have to except that guys do sometimes keep in contact with there exs as do girls, the fact that he hardly speaks to her or for that matter even sees her you should think yourself lucky that you dont have to deal with the akward meeting the friend/ex thing. i really do believe hes just trying to make you happy and not make something out of nothing. but just to let you know without trust its going to end in tears for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): I think unless you have any hard facts that he is cheating on you, you need to have more trust in the relationship as your distrust and worries will eventually wreak the relationship any way. In the way that you word your message it sounds like you don't trust him at all and you could be seeing things that arn't there.
It would be a good idea to come clean about knowing that he changed the number to "Mike" and then back again. You can then judge what is going on by his reaction.
If he has a good reason for this, or if you've been wrong, I think you should drop it all and try and move on... But if you have been right, it means you have a liar and a cheat for a boyfriend and can deal with that situation.
Good luck with however you decide to take things from here.
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