A
female
age
36-40,
*inderela
writes:Hi I need your advice here is my case, there is a guy who I have known and chat, talk over phone and have coffee for some weeks and he ask me to be his GF and I accept and things get begin, every thing was good but after almost 3 weeks since our relation changed he begun to talk about separating repeatedly and I ask him why he talk like that the he say he is afraid he might hurt me, cuz I have been hurt before, he always think of me how I react and hurt ed if things did not get the way we think, this cause him stress and he told me he likes my personality he do not want to lose me but he is confused, when he told me this he went me to hug him and he try and he have got personal problems.... and he is afraid not to lose me as well not to hurt men and I told him I do not want to him to call me and every thing should be stop if I cause him stress and he is not confident enough he repeatedly told me he doesn't want to lose me and he will never ever get a women like me and he also told me he is afraid of giving his heart and loving me like crazy and he was acting like that for the past weeks and try his best to control he told me his past relation did not work out he is just confused but we should give a try and seeing each other he told me he didn't want sex from me he always need and did it several times go to bed and talk kiss hug me.... and the night I told him things should stop and never to call me and contact me he send SMS saying "this is a bad day I have ever I pray god to....." what shall I do I rely like being with him mostly I like him that he is not hast ate to make sex but I do not want to be hurted again cuz he mostly talk "if we separate I will not love a women like you", "If we separate I won't get any satisfaction on kissing other girl ciz they will not kiss me like you","If we separate I will not found a women like you.." I hate hearing those words, he told me if the love thing did not work out he wants me to be his best friend and I totally dis agree and say bye to him, what shall I do? pls give me your advice
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 After three weeks of dating he's already confused so I say let him go once and for all. That should clarify things.
OP, we've all been hurt in life so when someone feels the need to make an announcement about it, I take that as a warning sign. 'Hurt' people are often high maintenance and unreliable.
I can't say I believe his nonsense anyway so that is another reason.
In future, OP, take your time and only go forward at your own pace. If a guy really wants to be with you, he'll be patient.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): You both are a couple of stressed-out insecure people. All you talk about is getting hurt. Either, if not both of you, must have recently come out of bad relationships. You are entering a new relationship too quickly; and you're both emotionally-immature people.
You're worried and he's worried. You are both miserable. If your relationship can survive another two weeks, that's a miracle. How can anyone guarantee anything? Unforeseen things happen within relationships. Feelings get hurt.
You try to find ways to work them out.
I think you found a very neurotic person for a boyfriend and you committed to him too soon. I think all you talked about during your introduction to him, was all your past problems and unhappy relationships from you past. Now he feels insecure and fearful of hurting you; and afraid you will leave him at the least sign of discomfort. He is probably getting over that very problem.
He isn't mentally healthy enough for a new relationship. That is really what it comes down to.
Sorry, it just isn't going to work out.
If you want to keep a boyfriend. Don't talk about how much you have been hurt, and keep your past breakup stories to yourself. A man who is so much of an emotional mess in the beginning of a relationship; needs more time to heal and get over whatever he is so upset about. You can't nursemaid someone into being a good boyfriend. You're both wasting each others time. You both need healing time.
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