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female
,
anonymous
writes: This is gonna be a long question, but i can't really make it much shorter. In the summer my best friend went out with this guy (lets call him Sy), but they broke up at the end of September because she was cheating on him with his best mate. I still saw Sy quite often, because he's friends with people who go to my school, and he always made an effort to speak to me, which was really nice. about a month after they broke up i realised i had started having feelings for him. i didn't dare tell anyone because of the circumstances. at the beginning of december we were talking online and he admitted he liked me and asked me out. i said no to be loyal to my friend. he tried again a few times after that, until evetually i cracked. the two of us are still together and very happy, but things are really awkward between me and my friend. My brother went to college with Sy, and really doesn't like him. he's been trying to split us up since i told him we were together. to make matters worse, by pure coinsidence my brother started dating a girl who turned out to be Sy's cousin, and when the girl realised this she dumped him because it was awkward. now my brother blames Sy, even though he had nothing to do with it. my brother has been bad-mouthing Sy to my family, who now all strongly disapprove of him. my brother says he has friends who have been out with Sy and he's treated them badly, but i don't know if i believe him because Sy treats me like a princess. apparently Sy also tends to cheat on girls, and i am slightly suspicious as he is a flirt, and before we were going out another of my friends told me he tried it on with her online. I admit that Sy has a lot of bad points, he's very violent towards other men and has been on an attempted murder charge, and was expelled from school for attacking a member of staff. he's very emotionally unstable as a lot of bad stuff keeps happening to him and he doesn't know how to deal with it. he also takes drugs, and when my mum found out she decided i now do the same, which isn't fair. He is 17 (i am 15)but very respectful of my wishes when it comes to sexual activities. i feel awful though, because there's a guy at school that i've been completely in love with for at least a year, and although nothing more than extreme flirting has ever happened between us i feel as though i am cheating on both of them. Despite everything i think i'm falling in love with Sy, and i think he loves me too. so far we've battled the odds, but i am having doubts. is he really worth all the trouble?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): This was my question i posted, and i just wanted to add to it. The other day my bf told me that i'm making him really happy. he doesn't cut himself anymore, and he says he's so much calmer, and i agree. he's trying so hard to change for me. he actually went to my brother's workplace to talk with him (he promised me no violence) and try to resolve the issues that my brother has with him, and now they are ok with eachother, even friends. my friend (his ex) has now broken up with her bf (Sy's mate) and the tension between the three of us has slackened immensely. so far everyone here has said i should leave him, but do these positive changes he keeps making mean that he really is worth keeping hold of, because he really is trying to change for me?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): A man like that, should not be with anyone, he got some kind of anger management, don't care about him.Dr. Kolc
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Dearie, my own advise is that no he isnt worth all the trouble.This guy has alot of bad points and i feel at 15 you are too young to get yourself involved in this situation and to deal with someone like this.
First, he flirts with ur friends. what?? This guy isnt obviously not committed to you and your idea of a relationship. he seems pretty much advanced to be with someone like u.
Second, he take drugs and is violent. plus he was a suspect in an attempted murder charge. Well, all i can see is not that bad things keep happening to him he keeps creating them!!!
Well, your family and brother is right. They care for you and are trying to protect you from this guy. You are at the age now when u need to avoid people like this cause they might influence you that is why ur mum was worried u too must be on drugs.
Please stay away from this guy. Tell him u want to focus on ur school work or something to get him to leave u alone. He will only bring u down which isnt good for u. The signs are there for u to see clearly. There must be other guys in your school that seem normal enough to have as a boyfriend.
All the best dear
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