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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife has met a male friend on the internet. She says it is all very inoccent and they are just friends. In Jun05 when I found out she told me she had been chatting with him for 6 months. I asked her to stop all contact with him and she said she would. In Oct05 I caught her on the phone to him and again she promised to stop all contact. Over the New Year period i found out that she still chats to him on a regular basis and she has met him once in November for a coffee. I am in absolute anguish, I want to trust her when she says she wont get in touch with him again, but my brain is working overtime. This is my second wife (first wife left me for a friend she met at work) and i can feel it happening all over again. We have 3 beautiful kids together. Everytime I leave the house I panic about what she is soing and it is tearing me apart. Everytime I approach the subject (for reassurance) it causes more arguments. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): Thanks.
I sat her down, did a search for "Emotional affair" and the first result was brilliant. after reading for a while she now says she understands what i am going through and why what she was doing was wrong.
We have a long way to go but its a start. Now she has an understanding we can talk, rather than shouting.
Thanks for all your help, Its much appreciated.
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (4 January 2006):
 As usual Irish49 has hit the nail on the head! She is having an emotional affair, you can do a search of that on the internet and come up with a huge number of sites with in depth explanations of what that is and examples of what it can do to relaionships. There is hope for you guys, if she hasn't already completely detatched herself from you. o rebuild your marriage definitely a complete stop to her contact of him must happen and marriage counseling. I would also like to reccomend to you a book called After the Affair, it is a really good tool in the start of your healing process as a couple. I wish you well, good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): Your marriage is floundering and her friendship with this man is slowly destroying the trust and respect you both need to keep things your marriage committed and strong. Your wife is having an "emotional" affair with this internet friend and it may just be a matter of time before she bails on this marriage and the biggest losers will be your kids. I feel badly for them the most. All children deserve an intact, happy family. She's had two chances to tell this guy to get lost lost and she still doesn't do it. It's time to set some tough boundries with her and she needs to dump him, once and for all. Then the two of you need to get into some serious marriage counselling to find out where and why your marriage went awry. If her irritability, defensiveness and consistently arguing with you is caused by her unwillingness to learn how to change, you have a long, miserable life ahead. If she ends this relationship, this may prove to you how important this marriage is to her. I would start communicating some honest feelings and get in to marriage counselling to learn how to rebuild what you once had. Communications skills education should be the main focal point of your marriage counseling-I would say this is a good first step to addressing this issue. But the longer she hangs on to this guy, the more your marriage will become jeopardized and any attempts of healing and mending will not occur. It's at this time, you'd have to evaluate whether this marriage is worth saving. That all said, my heart goes out to you. You must be devastated and sad. I am so sorry. You have a long journey ahead of you. If it's worth it to you and her-you'll both need to take the steps to salvaging your marriage. 'Trust' will take time to rebuild...be patient-it won't be a quick process-you will need perseverence, strength and faith. Take care and good luck, dear.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 You should start preparing yourself for the worst I'm afraid. She is not respecting your wishes that you have made abundantly clear. Tell her "It's this way or the highway" and if she doesn't stop this nonsense then give her the boot and move on. They say "Third time's the charm" Good Luck!
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