A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend keeps looking at other women when we are out and ive seen him literally turn his neck to side and stare for ages at other women also he goes up to women on theyre own and chats to them about anything usually starting with theyre dog to make it look like hes interested in the dog I start to feel awkward then angry inside. Im really into dogs but I don't go up to men on theyre own and start chatting to them. its starting to put me off him and ive noticed im starting to back off from him sexually as its making me feel like crap. I have mentioned it to him and he denies doing it. please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2019): Yes he sulks, rages and moans if he cant have sex everyday. Guilt trips me and refuses to do stuff for me unless I give in. He also gets angry over decisions like where we go he seems to want to control everything we do and he moans constantly about spending money with me on me
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 May 2019):
 Jebus, OP
WHY are you still with him if he "FORCES" you to have sex?
What is wrong with you?!
It's more hurtful that he looks at other woman but NOT forcing you to have sex?
You are not going to HAVE a healthy relationship when you ACCEPT a partner who shows you these kind of RED FLAGS.
You need to dump this guy and NOT ignore bad behavior in a partner.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 May 2019):
 So you’re saying this man has raped you? And you’ve stayed with him but looking at other women is the dealbreaker??
Why have you not reported this to the police? Being forced into sex is rape.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2019): Personally, I don't believe in playing games in a relationship. I especially don't believe you playing his game will work. He'll likely know what you're doing and why and he won't change his ways.
You say he has been abusive sexually. I see no reason why you wouldn't walk away from him and put an end to his hurtful and abusive behavior. It's normal for a woman to lose sexual interest in a man if she feels she is not appreciated and that he desires many other women more than her. I'm certain you can do better. Make sure your next partner respects and appreciates the woman you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): OP -He has to accept there is a problem or a relationship won't work. I think I will start teaching him a lesson by looking at other men and chatting to them myself before I say my goodbyes t oo. Yes he HAS been abusive to me forcing me to have sex all the time when he wants it and many many times it was painful
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 May 2019):
I’m not sure why you’re even trying to change the guy. If he truly respected you in the first place, this wouldn’t be happening. YOU let him get away with it so he WILL NOT stop doing it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 May 2019):
 You throw around words like "depressed" and "abusive" but, really, this is something which is completely in your power to sort - by walking away. His behaviour is not abusive; it is disrespectful, immature, pathetic, any number of other terms. Just because he tries to justify his behaviour by shouting at you that you should end the relationship does not make it an abusive relationship.
Have you had a really bad experience in the past and now see any argument or altercation as "abuse"? Or do you have a history of making yourself a martyr in relationships when you can't have things your way?
HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. HE DOES NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THERE IS A PROBLEM. For HIM there is NO problem. The problem is YOURS so YOU must decide whether you can live with it or not. I know from experience that he is not the only man who acts like this. Some women can/choose to laugh off this immature behaviour and learn to live with it/ignore it; others can't/choose not to. There is no right or wrong. You feel as you feel. If YOU feel this is something which you cannot live with, then you have to leave him to his flirting and ogling and find yourself someone who does not engage in this sort of behaviour.
You have two choices here: take it or leave it. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): If you see a guy is openly flirtatious and disrespectful; you have the option to discontinue dating the guy. You can't change a man in his 40's and 50's! By that time, most people are set in their ways. He's not your husband; therefore, he is replaceable and you don't have to put-up with behavior you find hurtful or offensive.
You want to keep him, but you want him to go deaf, blind, and asexual? Why are you so depressed? Dump him!!!
Sorry, but if he likes sex with you; that means he is most likely heterosexual. Which also means he's likely to be attracted to women!
If he is a blatant flirt, and you don't like that; that's your cue to kick him to the curb!!! Not go nuts and all drama queen over it! He's a bad-choice for you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): OP, he is gaslighting you. He's not taking any responsibility for his actions while putting the blame on you. This is his way of getting away with the behaviour. He wants to shut you down by this form of control and manipulation. He's hoping you will feel bad by not trusting him and stay with him. He's making himself the victim. Pathetic. BUT the victim is YOU!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2019):
Tehre is nothing to FIX here, OP
OTHER then decide if this behavior is a deal breaker for you or not. If it is, TAKE him up on the offer of calling it quits.
This isn't him being ABUSIVE- people toss the word around like candy. THIS is him being an ass.
You KNOW if he does this or not. Regardless of what he yells about later on or how much he denies it. YOU aren't blind, but you are NAIVE (sorry) if you think you can "help fix" this.
HE is NOT going to change. YOU can't change him, ALL you can do is decide how to react to HIS behavior.
And lastly, he isn't OWED sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2019): OP - He makes me feel like its all in my mind and that im paranoid. He went mad and stormed off from me because I didn't want sex because of all this he wouldn't stop shouting in the car and he said lets call it quits if that's what you think of me. I was trying to tell him the problem so we could fix the problem but all he would do is shout and deny it. now im refusing sex hes very mad. does anyone know a free online counsellor I could talk too as I feel really depressed about all this. Im starting to feel like im in an abusive relationship yet again.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 May 2019):
You really think this is the best you can do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2019): Try this for awhile. Do what he does with other men. You need to be focused, confident and assertive. You've got a mission. In public, when he does this, find a decent guy to approach. And do it. While he's chatting up some woman, find your target and do the same. Guys like talking to us. KEEP doing it. Until he stops. If not, end it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 May 2019):
Women (in general) need to feel loved to want sex. Your boyfriend's behaviour does not make you feel loved, hence your reluctance to have sex with him. As your resentment builds up, so your wish to share sex with him will drop.
If he cannot even admit his behaviour, let alone see how it is affecting you, then you know what you need to do.
Sorry, not a lot else that can be said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2019): When he does the break neck thing ..... yes keep walking then totally ignore him , not rudely but just make him about 2% of your focus for the day instead of 80% . Wean yourself off this guy , honestly he sounds like a pig
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2019):
This is who he is.
He doesn't even want to admit it, so the likelihood of him being more aware of HOW his behavior makes you feel is closer to zero.
One thing you CAN try is when ever you are together and he does the "break neck" thing out in public, walk away. KEEP doing that.
Or you can decide IS this appropriate in a partner - is this a deal breaker.
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