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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm widowed and my boyfriend of 6 months has never been married. He's normal and wonderful in every way, and I believe he is going to propose soon. My problem is he feels an inordinate amount of responsibility for the care of his single sister. Their parents have been gone for several years, yet he is hesitant to move out of state because of her. My brother and I live separate lives and he loves me but is not responsible for me. I don't get it. Is this normal behavior for my boyfriend? How can/should he break the cycle of her being his responsibility? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 November 2005):
 Sounds like a permanent situation that you'll just have to live with if you decide to stay with him. Unless he distances himself from his sister by his own initiative there nothing you can do about it. If you give him an ultimatum you may get answer you may not like.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): She is all the family he has left, and vice versa. Yes, I think it is normal for a brother and sister to be that close, and concerned about each other, if they were close before the parents died. He needs to let his sister go, and do so before he contemplates marriage to you. He needs to learn to stand alone, without her help, and emotional dependency on him, before he can take on a new relationship, with you or anyone. Encourage him to start moving away from his sister, and encourage her to get out on her own, and be less dependent on him. Only then will he be able to make a reasoned decision to take you into his life, and more important, to make a life with you that does not involve his sister. He cannot serve two masters.
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