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male
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anonymous
writes: Ok, I'm a 26 year old male. I absolutely despise my girlfriend though....and I live with her in a house she is paying-off. I constantly have to adhere by her strict rules.I mean just because it's her house and she lets me live there that I have perform all the yard chores (acre+) and prepare all the meals before she gets home. If not,she gives me the whole..."my way or the highway" thing... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 November 2005):
 She's pay the bills who are you, Freddie the Freeloader? If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): She owns the house, she pays the mortgage and likely other household bills, (taxes, insurance, maintenance & upkeep). The simple solution is: if you don't like her rules, or having to help...then leave. Or accept the home she's offered you and be a bit more gracious. If you are committed to making this relationship work and love her, you would want to do these things for her. I do give her credit-because it sounds like she has the grit, strength and independence to empower herself to take care of her own life without depending on some man to "give ' her a life. If you can't respect her for these wonderful qualities-then go and make a life of your own. Empower your own life. But she does have the "right" to expect contributions from you.
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A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (3 November 2005):
 How is the relationship generally? Are you loving towards one another? Does she appreciate the things you do? I've got to say, if you're not working and not paying towards the house, it doesn't seem that unreasonable for your girlfriend to expect you to pull your weight by helping with chores. You should be pleased that you have the opportunity to make a contribution in some way, and if your relationship is good apart from this issue, I wonder why you resent doing a few chores? Think about all the good things in your relationship, and ask yourself whether your girlfriend is really asking too much of you.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 November 2005):
 If you "despise" her, why are you there? If it's only a business arrangement (you do the yard work/cook the meals and she lets you stay), then why don't you move into somewhere else and leave this arrangement behind? It's not like you're staying for the romantic atmosphere!
She can only treat you as her doormat if you let her step all over you... so don't! Either offer to pay half her mortgage payment and become her "tenant", or take your stuff and go live in your own place, or a shared flat, or with some friends, or in a caravan, or in a spare room, or in a granny flat, or with family, or in emergency accommodation. Come on, man. There are a thousand options! Grab the local paper and find somewhere else.
You letter isn't asking "how can I save this relationship?", so if you're just grousing because you have to play by Mama Landlady's rules,and you hate that, then MOVE OUT.
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