A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 39 yr old gay man and have been in a relationship with my partner for 16 years. We have always had a good sex life and I have been happy until recently. My boyfriend seems to be more interested in his computer game (world of warcraft) than in me. He spends hour upon hour on this game each day when not at work. We never go out together (except holidays abroad when we have a great time). I have asked him to tell me if all is well, have I done something, does he not love me any more or find me attractive. He says he is OK and there is no problem. I am unhappy, but love him and do not want to leave him.Any advice, comments would be gratefully received.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, lboy +, writes (15 June 2007):
 dear reader
i think that you should just tell him how this game is making you feel and that him spending all this time on it is making you feel like you have done something and that it is making you miserable. the best thing you can expect is for him to play on the game less, i dont think that he will stop altogether because well you know boys and their toys, it will be a while before he gets bored of it and then your relationship will be back the way it started just talk to him let him know how u feel and hope for the best.
good luck
lboy
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice.It has been very helpful and the different approach you advised appears to have helped.
Thank you so much
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A
male
reader, Philostyle  +, writes (13 June 2007):
It's not called world of crack for nothing, so at least take that into consideration. A lot of time people get 'relationship lazy' when they feel that everything is secure (from his/her perspective), so they let things go to the wayside, like emotional/relationship upkeep. If this is a recent development then perhaps there is something else outside of the relationship that is stressing him out, like work or some life regrets making him retreat.
I wouldn't send him a barrage of drama signals, asking if he still loves you or if it is something you are doing. That sounds really drastic for a situation that could be approached differently. Just remember if you approach someone with a really heavy and dramatic manner then they may respond in turn with that manner, even if they were not initially feeling that way, escalating the situation more than it needs to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): I am a very very happy girl in a relationship with a man a met in a virtual universe. Its an MMORPG just like WOW. I have to say i can fully understand what your partner is feeling and i have been there where previous partners dont understand why i do what i do.
Honestly it takes a gamer to be with a gamer or atleat a really patient person. If your not happy in the relationship talking does help but you have to understand that people escape to games like that because they unwind and have fun. It is also very addictive because of the bonds made ingame with other people.
Have you tried playing WoW or gotten to know it a bit? If you have and you dont like it thats fine.
I for one am happy i have a gamer boyfriend who moved from Sweden to Ireland to be with me. I share something with him that not many people will understand. If you do try it and can learn to enjoy it you might evolve your relationship to a point you never thought was possible.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (4 June 2007):
 He needs to understand that there is a time and a place for the game. I know how addictive and immersive these games are and can see how he spends hours on them.
However, does he want the game more than you? If given the choice i am sure the choice would be you. he needs to understand that the time that you have together is important and he should not sqaunder all of it on his game.
Ask him to take your feelings into account; he has to understand that you feel neglected due to the amount of time he dedicates to the game. Dont say he cant play it, but tell him he needs to be more considerate to when he plays it.
Games are what they mean "games" not real life and your neglection will lead you te feeling more and more unhappy with the relationship. If he cares for you and you approach this correctly he will make the effort to change his habits and still get to play his game.
R
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