A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance for seven years. We broke up for five monthe in 2011. When we were broken up he was awful. He lied to me so many times. He started seeing a much younger girl. We are back together now. And we are planning our wedding in just a few short monthes. He says the past is in the past and he has moved on. Why cant I? I have trust issues with him? He knows I dont trudt him. And I keep remembering all the hurtful things that were said and done. How do I put it behind us? Thank you, drama queen
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): willfully and repeatedly lying to and bouncing between two women at the same time (you and her) is not "a mistake", it's pathological and compulsive. That kind of behavior and the feelings that drive him to it, dont' just disappear overnight although planning a wedding is a distraction that makes it seem so. if you marry him, be prepared for the same kind of behavior to repeat all over again, just that now you will be even more upset because you're married.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Did you two break up because he wanted to see that other girl and he lied about it to you, or did you break up for unrelated reasons and then he coincidentally started seeing that other girl and then lied about it?The reason I ask is because while I know it still hurts either way, technically if he wasn't with you, he didn't necessarily have to tell you about what he did while you two broken up. He should have told you once you got back together, but it's more forgivable than the other alternative, in my opinion.Truthfully, if you just can't move on, it seems like you certainly need to rethink this marriage. Or at least postpone it until you can get to a better state emotionally.If you don't have trust in a relationship, there's really not much of a relationship at all. It's miserable for both people involved when there's constant insecurities. Some people can move on, others can't. There's no right or wrong way to feel. But starting a marriage off on this foot definitely seems like setting yourselves up for for failure.Just see if you can't take a little bit of time to yourself to figure out what you really need to do. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Thank you for all the great advice. No we broke up for other reasons, not because of the girl. But he was homeless at the time and kept saying he wanted to try to work things out. So I would let him sleep on the couch. But then he would sell something for gas money and run to see her. Ans leave me and my kids without even saying goid bye. Then he would text me all these lies in the middle of the night, when she was sleeping. Like he missesme and he trying to break up with her. But all of that was over a year ago. I love him and I know he loves me. He has been trying to make up for all his mistakes. It makes him upset that I dont trust him. Are wwedding is in a few months. Hopefully my trust for him, well find its way back. He really is a good man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Thank you for all the sound advice. I do love him. We were broken up over other issues. But he was homeless when seeing her and kept stoppinv over and saying he missed me and wanted to get back together. But as soon as he sold something he would use that money for gas and go back to her. I love him and he is really trying to prove that was all a big mistake.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 If you can't trust him, do not marry him.
Trust will take time to rebuild, if it ever does. Take your time over this, but DO NOT MARRY HIM.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Call off the wedding until you are able to trust him again, however long that takes. If you never trust him again then it means you shouldn't marry him ever but should find someone else who doesn't instill such negative emotions in you. it makes no sense to get married to someone you don't trust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Do not get married. It would be a recipe for disaster. He has hurt you (with him or not). If someone can move on to the next so quick they are not that good anyway. You cannot get over it. You dont trust him. I repeat, do not marry him.
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A
female
reader, babyk +, writes (19 February 2013):
There's really no way to just put it behind you! But in time if he acts right you will slowly regain your trust in him and forget the past
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 February 2013):
Did you two break up because he wanted to see that other girl and he lied about it to you, or did you break up for unrelated reasons and then he coincidentally started seeing that other girl and then lied about it?The reason I ask is because while I know it still hurts either way, technically if he wasn't with you, he didn't necessarily have to tell you about what he did while you two broken up. He should have told you once you got back together, but it's more forgivable than the other alternative, in my opinion.Truthfully, if you just can't move on, it seems like you certainly need to rethink this marriage. Or at least postpone it until you can get to a better state emotionally.If you don't have trust in a relationship, there's really not much of a relationship at all. It's miserable for both people involved when there's constant insecurities. Some people can move on, others can't. There's no right or wrong way to feel. But starting a marriage off on this foot definitely seems like setting yourselves up for for failure.Just see if you can't take a little bit of time to yourself to figure out what you really need to do. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Some people may manage to get through things and move past them. It doesnt seem like you can. You are still hurting. It is very easy for him to say that it's the past, because he never got hurt. He wasn't with you when it happened, but that does not mean that it wont eat away at you. I would not be getting married yet, while you are feeling like you do. If you do not trust him, you are never going to be at peace.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Did he say awful things to you and see the younger girl after you guys had broken up? Or were these things that caused you two to break up?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): You dont trust him. The last thing you should be doing is marrying him. The past is the past is a phrase used by the ones who did not get hurt. It shows just how insensative he is to you. I dont know why you are still with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Honey, first and foremost - if you have trust issues then you need to call off the wedding as these issues will not improve when you get married.
I strongly suggest that you find a relationship counsellor to help you find your feet in this relationship.
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A
male
reader, kortes +, writes (19 February 2013):
 You look at the past to determine the future, but according to your story you get no future with that guy how could you think of marrying this man because you don't have future with him, sit down and think, because you might regret the day for the rest of your life, he is lying and cheating at da same time, your health is also at risk here, start thinking of yourself first
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