A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend complained and said that I'm harder on him than I am with others or our friends. I don't deny that, but I feel because he's my boyfriend and I have higher expectations of him, that that's okay. Am I wrong? He says its unfair. Case in point, I was in an accident last week, he was working and asked her if she could pick me up. She said she was too tired to do it, so he left work for me. While I was irked at her reaction, I wasn't surprised for as long as I've known her. She's not a bestie, but she's someone I am friends with and we go back, I can forgive her typically character coldness and shrug it off and we still have great experiences. She cares about me but can be an emotional cactus, prickling most who encounter her. A week later she asked to borrow my plunger, I brought it over and unclogged her sink (co in part my gross fascination for sink hair sludge monsters). I'm not holding the negativity, I'm at peace. My bf on the other hand is constantly pursuing respect from everyone and constantly thinks the world is against him.Is this just his ever present view as the victim? Or is my friendship being "taken advantage of"? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (21 July 2017):
 I would call your friend an acquaintance because her relationship with you seems more like 'take take take' than 'give and take'. I've had friends like her, those are people that you should keep at an arms length and do not make the mistake of getting too close to her to be able to be used further.
Your boyfriend on the other hand sounds like he needs a break from all the expectations. I mean, he does sound like he is the type to self pity but nonetheless, you shouldn't project all of your failed expectations of everyone else, on to him. That's not to say that you must not ask him to do favours and such because he is your boyfriend after all but be careful not to take it overboard.
I hope that your friendships do not make you look to your boyfriend to pick up all the slack because that will weigh him down. With that being said, as your boyfriend, he should be able to be there for you and support you as well.
Assess your expectations of your boyfriend. If they're things that will further him and make him a better version of himself then I see no problem with expecting more out of him. However, if its picking up what your friend(s) fail to do for you then I would say that that is rather unfair.
I hope that I've provided some clarity.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (25 June 2017):
 You are comparing apples to oranges. The way your boyfriend feels you are treating him sounds, from a distance, as if you are a nag.
Your friend on the other hand can take or leave your opinions of her - as you can of her.
There is an old chestnut that says: women say they want you just the way you are and then try and change you. They also say they will never change and always do.
It is a gross generalisation I know, but food for thought in this case perhaps?
...............................
|
