A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Have I fallen out of love with him or am i just depressed?Recently i can't bring myself to say i love you to my boyfriend. We have been friends for 3 years and have dated since last May. In October i felt the same way as i do now just feeling down and uninterested in any relationship or showing any affection. As a result of this he went around his ex's a couple of times then lied to me relentlessly about it until she sent me a voice recording of him telling her he loved her whilst we were still dating. I took him back because he said it was empty words and he didn't know what i wanted and ever since i have never been able to trust him but i didn't want to lose him. The girl still speaks to his mum maybe to annoy me as she has abused me in the past. My boyfriend says i can't leave him because he's planned the next 5 years around me I'm (19) and so is he. I hate when i go through these phases as i don't want to mess him around and fear he'll do the same again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): If he really said that, you need to RUN from that relationship. Only a pathetic excuse for a man would say something like that to a woman.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2017): Sweetheart, you are responsible for looking after your own heart. This little boy knows nothing about love and commitment. He is just a little boy. And HE is MESSING with YOUR heart. The question is, will you keep allowing him to?
The reason you have been depressed, unexcited and numb and pulling away from him is because you know deep down inside that he is a CHEATER and that he CANNOT be TRUSTED. You know this. Your gut tells you so. And this leads to the head-heart battle. You may care about him but knowing his character and how he ran back to his ex at the first hint of you going through something has turned you off him. All relationships go through up's and down's. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes we are less affectionate depending on what is going on in our lives. But that does not mean that the first sign of hardship, our partner runs to the next available woman. He did just that. It is almost as if he was sensing you might dump him and he ran to get his replacement ready just in case because he did not want to be alone. There was a similar post to this one on DC. And the advice is similar. You know what he is capable of. I believe once you start to lose respect for a guy because he is not a good guy, you start to distance yourself. It just happens. You pull away and begin the moving on process. Some women do it little by little. Because it may be easier on their hearts. It is like you are purposely numbing yourself to him so that you are prepared once you make the break for good. You are preparing your heart to take the hit of leaving him. That is why the turmoil and the distance. You have been conflicted but in your heart, you know the answer.
Clearly, you realize this or you would not be here asking this question.
He is messing you around, keeping you nicely wound around his finger.
He told another girl, his EX, that he LOVES her. And then he tells you he did not mean it? Well, of course he is going to say that. He got caught! Now, look at it two ways. Not only did he tell another girl he loves her but he then lied about it, saying he did not mean it? Would you want a guy who LIES about something THAT important? Seriously, if he can lie about something like THAT, what kind of lies is he capable of? BIG ONES! And what if he told you he loves you and then told another girl he didn't mean it? That he doesn't really love you? He is a young man! What a terrible start to his relationship life. I fear for all the women who step on in his path. He will be Godzilla stomping all over innocent hearts.
He is a young player in training. He does not know what love is. The only person he loves is himself. He is immature and selfish. And clueless.
You can do better. Do not make the mistake young women make. That he is really a good guy and that you should give him another chance. They rely on second and third chances. They rely on women to be their doormats so they can keep getting away with their bad behaviour. We women have to put them in their place. Cut them off. Surely, he will go on and do this to someone else. But it won't be YOU. And be THANKFUL for that. You've got better things to do. And better people to meet.
You are still young. Your whole life is ahead of you. Do not settle or get stuck with this Romeo. Deep down he is insecure and weak. Be the strong woman that you are and kick his ass to the curb. Believe me, it may hurt for a little bit, but once the dust settles, you will see how much happier and better off you are without him. Life goes on. Things happen for a reason. You are now wiser. Take this as a life and learning experience. Use it to your advantage to triumph over it!
I wish you well. You will be just fine. :)
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (14 January 2017):
 I like the way he has planned his life out and you don't even get a say. He's a manipulative bully and best left to his own devices. You can do a lot better.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (14 January 2017):
 You "can't" leave him? But he "CAN" cheat on you?? Telling another girl he loves her- while still trying to string a relationship along is cheating. Screw his empty words- look at his actions!! Im sorry but look at his character- the first sign of trouble he runs to another girl? He thinks this is decent behaviour... Im pretty doubtful that if you're in love with someone you can be "unsure" if you're in love with someone else?! (Idk maybe i need to watch more fantasy rom coms) And if it is possible, it's a pretty ratty thing to do to string these two people along.I agree with the first poster about getting OUT- importantly breaking contact- this is the ONLY way to begin the healing process.You're 19... You CAN do whatever you want with YOUR LIFE. Not be DICTATED to by a lying pr**k.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 January 2017):
 What do YOU want? If you want to walk away, then do it. It is not up to your boyfriend to plan his life around you. He will just have to unplan it.If he is telling his ex he loves her, then dismissing this as "empty words", you need to wonder whether he means anything he tells YOU. As you have (quite rightly, in my opinion) already lost trust in him, your relationship is doomed anyway. I don't think you are depressed in the clinical sense (unless, of course, you suffer from that awful affliction); to me it sounds like you are just down about the way your boyfriend has let you down but continues to keep a hold on you. You are 19, sweetheart. You have your whole life ahead of you. You do not need to waste time on someone who, at the first sign of trouble, runs back to his ex and tells her he loves her, then tries to put the blame on you. Kick his arse into the past, walk away with your head held high and don't look back. You deserve so much better. Don't let him convince you otherwise.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 Maaaaaate!
He has messed you around, not vice versa!
He told his ex he loved her, and she was cow enough to record him and then let you listen to it!!
She sucks up to his mum and has abused you in the past. You don't need that sort of crap in your life!
You need to tell him you also have a five year plan and neither his cheating arse nor his nasty ex girlfriend are part of it.
Then block them both on all social media and block their numbers on your phone as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 Honey, YOU can leave him REGARDLESS of what plans HE has made in his head. Nothing is carved in stone that says you OWE staying with him if you feel the relationship is OVER.
If I told you that you should give me $500 because I had planned that you should... would you do it? NO! Right?
He doesn't OWN you.
Without trust, you really don't have much in regards to a good relationship and honestly? If you constantly live in "fear" that he will do this again and you constantly have HER breathing down your neck - how great are things?
You are 19. Why settle for a relationship that doesn't really make you happy anymore?
LET her have him. But if you DO break up CUT the contact 100% don't let him mess YOU around anymore either.
Time to decide. CAN you trust him and move forward? Or are you done? Don't sit on the fence or let HIM decide.
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