A
female
age
36-40,
*hPinkyGirl
writes:So lately my boyfriend of three years became really depressed due to custodial problems with his ex wife and hes had family problems also. I hadn't been helping because I accused him of flirting with another girl that we work with. My jealousy grew drarastically due to people at work telling me how much they see them flirting. One night I blew up at him. He went into total anxiety attack. Two days later he made an appointment to see his therapist. And since then he didn't want to be come home to sleep. (we live together) He's been on medication but nothing seems to help. It's been 9 days now. Last night he finally told me that I trigger his anxiety that's why he wants to be alone. He told me he was angry and unhappy with everything in his life even the relationship. He said that he loves me and even with being angry with me he still loves me, it's just that hes not himself and he doesn't know or feel anything right now. He said that he can't stand that I come into work all emotional and it causes people that we work with to assume we had a fight. He said that he worked really hard from keeping people at work from knowing his personal life. He said that he's told me many times and every time I'd tell him I'd work on it but I haven't. I told him that I care for our relationship more than the job and that I'd find another place to work. He didn't really respond to that. I know he loves me and I love him so much but I'm so scared he'd break up with me. He asked for some time apart. I don't know what to do. I'm so fearful that he wants to break up. My friends all say that I should just give him more time and space . They say that if he really loves me he'll come back to me when the clouds clear. I'm still so paranoid. We've together for a long time and I've never been jealous like this before. By the time I snapped out of it it was too late. He'd gone into a deep depression with all the stress. He came home last night and slept on the couch. He didn't really say a word to me. He left earlier for work and didn't say anything to me. I'm so confused I just want him back.
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at work, depressed, ex-wife, flirt, his ex, jealous, needs space Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 Just wanting him back isn't enough. He is under a lot of stress, and you just bring him more problems. It is bad enough for him to have to go straight to his doctors. You can't be with him if your behavior makes him sick. Love is not enough at the moment, he need support and help. Of course you have the right to be jealous if he is flirting, but why would he do that. He has problems with you, he has problems with an ex-wife, why would he go and get more trouble with another girl. Work on your jealousy issues, or at least learn to express yourself better, in a calm manner, at the appropriate time when he has the mental strength to deal with it. All you can do is show him you've changed and wait until he feels he can be around you again. This relationship sounds too hard at the moment. Your not getting your needs met because he has bigger issues on his mind. Maybe a break is what you both need to see if the relationship actually helps or hurts.
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