A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi i have a bf for almost 2 1/2 years. He is divorce cos his ex wife cheated on him. Im widpw but never have Problem with my marriage. The thing is, i love my bf now and i know he love me too. But because of his bad experience with his ex wife he doesnt want anymore to get married again. And that is my biggest Problem now. Today he made it clear that he will never ever get married again and that hurt me so bad that i got into conclusion out of despiration to just grab another man and just marry. Please never tell me to try to convince my bf for this marriage cos it Will only lead to fight. Im here to ask help, how i will deal with it? How will i accept the fact that my marriage dream with him will never ever come true?? Im asking this cos i love him so much and dont wanna lose him but i am hurting everyday knowing the fact that he will never be officially mine.
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (3 August 2017):
Hello,
If you want marriage and he doesn't, then I think you should move on.
But before you do that, you need to confront him and tell him that you love him, but that you want marriage. Tell him that you won't cheat him or let him down. It's time for you not to avoid problems and go as far as you can on a serious discussion/fight/whatever you call it. Make him know that if he doesn't wants to marry you, that you'll have to move on, regardless of how much you love him, because you are on a stage that you need a marriage to have a life partner and that not being married makes you suffer.
PLEASE, DON'T JUST GRAB ANOTHER MAN AND MARRY. That's a very bad mistake, and will make you more miserable on the long run. Give him a chance to decide if he wants to marry, if not , then move on, but WITH CAUTION. There are many jerks out there and you don't want to end up with one of them.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): In love and relationships, what you cannot and should not do; is try to force someone to do something they don't want to do.
Marriage and romance is about giving. Giving of yourself because you want to, because you feel compelled to by your own heart; not because someone is forcing you to. Giving love of your own free-will is the most powerful thing a human being can do. Even God holds this in His highest regard and cherishes it.
If he doesn't want to marry you, and he has made that totally clear; you must decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't trust you enough to marry you.
He is telling you that he doesn't trust you based on the behavior and actions of an entirely different woman. He is a bitter man. He has issues.
If marriage is your ultimate goal in this relationship; then you have chosen the wrong man. You are giving of yourself with the hope that you will eventually change his mind and he'll marry you. Good luck! When a man over 40 says he isn't going to get married again; that man is pretty sure that he has no intention of doing it. Come hell or high water, or a pretty young female who steals his heart and lust.
Be as stubborn and hopeful as you like. You have his answer.
Until gay people wanted to get married; people were divorcing all over the place; almost to the degree that more people were divorcing than getting married. Then suddenly the threat of the sanctity and sacredness of marriage was threatened; even though in Christian-belief divorce is only acceptable if your spouse commits adultery. That didn't stop them from divorcing for whatever reason the law allows and then some.
Marriage sits in a very uncertain position in society these days. Your man is among those who values his freedom above bonding legally with you. You have no choice but to accept it, but you don't have to remain his property. Treating you as though his very presence is to your benefit. There at his beck and call; available at his discretion to dismiss you.
A woman who wants to get married should not devote herself to a man who doesn't. Surrendering to his will only gives him all the power and authority in the relationship. He has decided he runs the show, take it or leave it. You are not equals, though in some cultures he is given this authority.
I won't tell you to leave him. Your post shows that you're submissive to his authority; and he tells you what he will and will not do. You'll just have to live with his decision. No one can tell you how to do that. That's your choice. It is entirely up to you. Figure it out. We don't know him.
You've placed a high price-tag on the value of being with him. He doesn't value you as much. You don't want to lose him; so you don't really need our advice. Your mind is made up. We have no magic words to make you accept his decision; nor a spell to change his mind.
Find yourself another man. He doesn't love you as much as you love him. He can pack has bags and leave; or just take-up with another woman. So stay if you wish. Give him the rest of your best years. And when or if he dies, he leaves you nothing.
A man marries the woman he loves to share what he has, to have children, and to see that she is provided for; if some unforeseen tragedy takes him away. He makes sure that whatever they shared and built together is protected under law, and he proves his devotion by staying by her side until either of them passes on.
Like you, that is what I believe a man should do if he loves his woman enough. I also think a woman should be smart enough, and strong enough, not to settle for what she is given as a "consolation prize" by some man; but she should seek what she wants and deserves until she finds it.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (2 August 2017):
 I take it your living together as husband and wife, and a lot of people think how stupid it is to spend 20k or more to have a ring and a day out with people that you might not ever see again,
and all that experience does not stop people cheating on their wedding night not to talk about the people that cheat before and after,
we all say never try to change a man, but with my experience, I have changed some things for the better and in other things maybe not for the better,
he knows deep down that getting married has nothing to do with his trust in you, and he must know that your relationship has not to do with what happened in his other relationship,
may be in time he might change but for now, live one day at a time, enjoy your time and what you have,
even if you were ok with his views on marriage he needs to work on his trust issues, he can't fully enjoy life with you if he does not trust you as this matter has little to do with putting a ring on your finger
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 August 2017):
 "Officially" will not guarantee you stay together. A wedding ring will not guarantee you will stay together (as he already knows to his cost). There are no guarantees in life, and certainly not in relationships.
You need to decide whether your boyfriend is more important to you than a piece of paper and a ring. If not, then leave him and find someone who will marry you. If you love your boyfriends as you say, then you will have to compromise. Couples stay together for lifetimes without it being "official". Love each other, respect each other and care for each other, and a marriage certificate will not be important.
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