A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend lives with me and I mean, we've had our arguments, but I find that he pays no attention to me. He goes to work, the gym, then he comes home and plays video games until we go to bed and pays more attention to the dog even. I've asked him what's wrong when there's clearly something wrong and he just doesn't care to talk about it. I then asked him why he's with me then, and all he said was; because he doesn't care about things. What do I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (31 March 2017):
 Sounds like a lame excuse to me. Honestly if my partner done that to me the trust would be gone and he would be out the door. He is making excuses. Are you sure he still doesn't have feelings for this 'crazy ex'? If he really wanted her to stop annoying him he would have blocked her number or changed his own number. His excuse is a terrible one and I think you know that deep down. Honestly it sounds like this relationship has ran its course, and it does sound like he really is not that in to you.
A
female
reader, ItalianGirl22 +, writes (29 March 2017):
Hey guys. Him being so distant and moody started after I found a pretty brutal conversation between him and his "crazy" ex as he calls her. He said some pretty nasty things like he wasn't into me, that our sex was shitty, and a bunch of other stuff and believe me after reading their convo which was on an old phone of mine, I packed his stuff when he was still sleeping. So when we actually got to talking, I let him tell me his side of the situation and he said he was just telling her things to just shut her up. Yes some of the things he said were pretty hurtful but I gave him another chance, knowing that his ex had been constantly messaging him and bugging him. At first, when it first started happening she pried for information but then it became a reoccurring thing, she wasn't gunna leave him alone so he said he just told her what she wanted to hear.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): First i want to say that the YOUWISH answer, was very good...I learned something myself...made me think ...Anyway its sounds to me that he is depressed about something, and/or he doesnt want to talk about it because it will lead to a verbal exchange that hes not interested in having..hes probably tired of fighting..otherwise he seems content with his situation, but i can see why you are upset...has anything drastically changed from when you lived seperately?Has the frequency of sex gone down? Some men get very depressed when that happens...most deal with it, but some get frustrated and very moody...but again YOUWISH's reccomendations are worth trying...dont take it so personal, the reason he's depressed might have nothing to do with you, but unfortunately you are feeling its effects
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): He is suffering from something hard, give him some time and he will get over it.
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (21 March 2017):
He is either suffering from depression, or he's only with you because it's easy and he can't be bothered to change his life.
THis is more about what you want than his behaviour. If you are unhappy and trying to communicate that to him, and you aren't getting anything back, imagine that for the rest of your life!!!
Tell him that you will support him if he is struggling, but if not, cut and run! The amount of men who will coast rather than leave. You will only end up resenting him and growing further apart.
I am not being negative. Your relationship may well survive, but make sure it's growing and happy, rather than just phoning it in.
You'll be grateful in the long run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): I hope it's your house as if I were you I would have him out faster than the dog could go pee .
I would not jolly myself up to keep the interest of my man or any man tbh . I do believe with you wish that he's unwinding . However my opinion is mostly with wise owl on this .
Here you are getting what this is guy is really all about .. he's not into fancy nights out . He likes the gym, he likes gaming .. did you knows these things before you two started living together ? How long did you date previous to this ?
Do you like the gym or even gaming ?? If it were me I would look at making sure he had a good cook meal .. I would look at being flirty .. jazz pants and vestie seem to do it for my guy .. lighten the mood be cheeky .. tell him to put his remote down and come and play with the real deal .. I would also challenge him to some thing I could play . I wouldn't play all night with him but excuse myself and do other things .
I think you wish advice to have some outside interest is good too. I wouldn't say go find something but call your friends up and have girls night out .
I think you need to bring the laughter and the loving back and only you can do that .. then when you have a more rounded atmosphere if you can get to that stage . Then have a chat .. if however he doesn't seem interested in sny of these efforts . Pack his bags or your own and go . As I think it may and truly be over with anyway
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): It's time for a new boyfriend. If he doesn't want to talk about it, makes no effort to make you happy, and likes the dog better; he's had enough of the arguments, and knows he can't have such a discussion with you without upsetting you.
Unlike women, men do not like lengthy emotionally-charged discussions about the relationship. It usually leads to complaints and always ends in an argument. They don't usually happen unless someone IS unhappy and has a grocery-list of complaints.
They're usually about the same old things. So once you reach the impasse; that's your cue to consider ending it. Seems like he's getting along fine without you; and just waiting for you to be the one to leave.
I think the expiration-date has arrived.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): Please find another boyfriend. I speak from years of experience. He is treating you like a roommate and not a girlfriend. Find someone that respects you and is passionate about you. Life is too short for such immaturity.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 March 2017):
 You're asking the wrong questions, to be honest. The question "What's wrong?" shouldn't be asked of HIM because the "what's wrong" is the information YOU should be sharing.
He is fine with his life, work, gym, video games, and you're the one who is not happy, as you wish he'd spend more quality time with you and it feels like he isn't.
The trap he has fallen into, and that is more common than you think, is that the moment people start living together (and you're young, so this is a new arrangement), they believe it's to give them more time together. While this is true on paper in terms of hours and minutes, the TYPE of time has changed.
Before you moved in together, the time you spent was quality time on both your parts, meaning that to see him, you took a shower, got prettied up, smelled good, and the time you spent with him was for HIM. And that's the same with him. He had to leave his home (or receive you at his home), brush his teeth, get cleaned up, and go on dates with you. The time was about you and him and nothing else.
NOW, you both live together, and you now get the "Let your hair down" time, meaning he's unwinding after work, you see each other not all prettied up, while you're wiping sleep from your eyes, decompressing from stressful days, and so on. In his mind, he's spending his time with you, but it's not the quality "date" time that you crave.
Well, you need to do two things.
FIRST, STOP asking him "what's wrong" because that's code speak for "Pay the quality attention to me that you used to". It's better to ask the RIGHT question when it's time.
SECOND, get your own life and GET IT FAST. Why are you sitting at home, waiting for him to get home from the gym, waiting for him to go spend time and attention with you? Why not get involved with your friends, your hobbies, your projects, your self-fulfillment, your down-time?? Even though you live together, not every moment has to be the two of you intertwined together constantly, because THAT is exhausting.
THIRD, here is the RIGHT question to ask him: Hey hon, wanna go out with me on Friday? Or pick a date that both of you work with, one that you'd have to pick out before you moved in together. Make a date with each other. Living together is even MORE of a reason to go out on an actual date, with actual getting prettied and freshened up time to go spend time with just the two of you. And I recommend NOT doing "Netflix and chill" as your official date. I recommend getting out of the house and doing the Go out to dinner, or go take a walk around the lake, or go to a sports game or rock or classical concert, or go to the casino, or any of that.
You're having arguments about not paying attention because you want the ARGUMENT to be his paying attention to you. That's like washing your dirty hands by picking up a knife and chopping off your hands. Sure, you won't have to worry about dirty hands anymore, but you'll HAVE NO HANDS!
Starting arguments and fights about not spending time together when you live together is like cutting off the hands. You'll drive him away, which is what his comment "I don't care about things" is a warning signal from him that you're doing. Asking him out, getting your own life so that you're not quite so available, that's the way to get what you want.
And truthfully, if you have a rich, full life with friends, hobbies, ambition, goals, fun, self-enrichment, that makes you ATTRACTIVE! And if he turns you down for going out on dates, if he takes you for granted and doesn't realize that you're not home and quite as available to him as you used to be, then there's a broken relationship.
But right now you're smothering him, and you need to do your own thing. He can play video games! That's fun to do to unwind. You can read a book or play video games yourself! Or what would you do before you moved in together?? Just because he needs breathing room in a live-in arrangement doesn't mean he's paying less attention to you, and that's no reason to argue, constantly ask what's wrong, and then say "then why are you with me". Just let him be, and live your life in such a rich and full way that he is not the center of your everything. That's much more healthier for you, and for him, and it will get both of you closer.
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