A
female
age
41-50,
*RICAN
writes:Hi,this really sounds creapy to me but pls i need ua input. im n relationship for 7months, commited,we taked of moving together,,spent every weekend 2getha.my boyfriend lost his job and his sexual appetite went down which i do understand coz of the stress.few days ago we were intimate,he came before me,it took me time to cum,was so excited i kept on telling him what to do to excite me more and how i liked, unfortunately my boyfriend said i had to stop ordeing him and what hurts most is he said i was like A PORN DIRECTOR....this completely turned me off, he dint bother asking me if was satisfied, i asked him to lie down with me and he refused.i confronted him the following morning and he was like u also call me names wen having sex,do u want to make this an issue?i told him it was insulting,he casually said sorry and dint want to discuss it anymo.how can somene u love associate me with porn?how normal is this???
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male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (23 June 2011):
 I tend to think he's just overheated and not really paying close attention to what he is saying. "Talking dirty" is sometimes a turn on but apparently not to everyone.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 What we say and what we mean by it is not always what is being heard by the other side.
And with sex, we often bring a lot insecurities with us into the bedroom. Look at your own reaction to being called a porn director.
What did you intend to say and what did he hear?
You said "oh this is nice, just a bit more and I am going to come".
He heard "you came so quickly? You failed, do this and this and this so you are not a complete loser".
Were you wrong? In the heat of passion you verbally communicated with your partner about your needs. this is generally considered a good thing but might it have come across as critisisms on his skills as a lover?
Not many people like that. What exactly happened, only the two of you know. It could be he is a selfish lover who only cares about his enjoyment. It could be you are to demanding. It could just be a case of cross communication.
His reluctance to talk suggests that there is more going on. But again, this might be mis-communication, you are aware men should not be confronted face to face right? Men instantly become defensive if that is done. Women do not.
He took offence at your words, you took offence at his. Either you two talk this out or learn to curb what you say to each other.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Did you ask him what exactly he meant by that? I have never met a porn directly personally...ssoooooooo.I suppose he was turned off by you giving him directions in bed? That is HIS problem not yours. Some lovers offended by directions because they feel you are putting their skills down. Some men LOVE when a woman shows/asks! They will admire your confidence to "own" your own satisfaction.Your lover does not show signs that HE is confident (which makes sense since he lost his job) or considerate with YOU. I would not get all offended that he compared you with PORN (hot, steamy sex!) it was the "bossiness" he could not handle.Dear BF,If you can not take the heat, get out of the bedroom!Best Wishes.
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