A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf has asks for a break a week ago.He said he was too stressed about his college work and family problems. He also said that he is a sucky bf.The reasons are he got no car and no money.We are both college students,so i don't mind whether he is rich anot right now.He said he is acting like a gf because i fetch him around since i got car and i always buy stuff for him.He feels sad cos he can't even afford dinner for me.We talked about all these face to face.I cried and hug him when we talked about it.When i'm about to leave,he hug me very hard.What does that mean? Now,he hadn't contact me at all for a week.I don't know should i talk to him first or i just wait? He didn't tell me how long does this break will end and we didn't plan when to meet up at all.I had read tips from internet,that i should not contact him at all and i should move on so that he will comes back to me.But,at the same time,he wants me to find a better guy.I'm afraid that if i continue moved on,he will thinks is better for me and then he will leave me further.What should i do? :(
View related questions:
a break, money, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (8 August 2010):
Tell him it's not a good week for it! you and your friends have made some plans!!!!!!! and boy he will feel left out. the same way he made you feel! and he'll realize? how hurtful he was to you when he left you out of his life! and tell him maybe when i get back i'll catch up w/ you and he will say whens that give him a date and when that date comes? still don't call him trust me, he will call you that nite! being curious of who you wer'e w/ what you did? but even given that shows hes a ensecure person and jealous and that is not good in a person and mostly in a relationship! bcuzz they will start acusing you i myslef would of been done w/ the fool. and give a good guy a chance anyone who messes w/ your head is not good for you they don't know how to treat a lady! and remember you are! and don't let him make you think that your not. im telling you please look at yourself and know who you are because that is where it all extends from is your values and beliefs of you not what someone molds you into. good luck sweetie, keep me informed only how your doing!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOregongrl1 ,thank you so much for ur opinion.Yes,maybe i still love him alot,but he doesn't worth it that stop me in life (: i choose to be more confident right now,being more sexaay and dress up with confident clothes. I feel myself better in that way (: Mostly i hang out with my frens, i really feel so happy. well,i'm kind of ignore my frens when i couple, i think it was a mistake. My ex was a playboy,so he doesn't want to cage in relationship anymore.so i choose to move on, if he does come back to me,i might consider again to be with him.becos i really think he doesn't worth me that much smmore he had hurt me a lot.Maybe there are more guys waiting for me ! (:
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (1 August 2010):
Honey, if you truly loved each other you wouldn't be going through what you are? i know we all have problems but we work through them not taking breaks from one another. oh im sorry i need time to figure it out what ever. and well if it makes you feel better to think he still wants you? and if it's fate it will be. but there is nothing wrong w/ moving on.... in the mean time i mean life! doesn't stop because our heart can't seem to get past our man! you still go about your life! and everyday things you do! well hell if he truly loved you he will catch up w/ you and if not well you didn't lose much and you might see him hanging on to someone else here real soon sounds like a brush off to me??? but you know more then all of us about him i mean so if you think hes a good guy and you want to fight for him well hell give it all you got but it doesn't mean you need to crawl on your belly to win him over or get his attention!!! & mostly his love and respect wheres your respect of who you are. i don't think you get it you don't have to settle for just anyone your life isn't going to end there are other really good funny responsible loving men out there! you know why alot of woman go back to there wanna be men? is because they want the hurt to go away well hell i look at it this way! if you are going to hurt w/ them you may as well hurt w/ out them and get over it. sweetie, the pain will go away!!! but the key is to give yourself time and know you need to work through it everyday but not doing anything and moping makes it worse go out meet some people it's summer have fun! go to the beach, movies, bowling what ever you like doing please laugh you will catch yourself and think i haven't laughed in a long time and you will realize then hey im (HAPPY) you are on the road to recovering and you know what else he will see that in you and he will see a different person and that you shine and you are beautiful you know why? because you are not hooked on him no'more and you are not in pain and you are acturally being you again the you when they first meet you!! remember that. and then we change our shoulders slump we stop smiling, laughing, loving. and then we wonder why they look at other woman well its our fault for letting them get to us we should have control over our own emotions and ourselve's. but when you are acturally done w/ them and you are happy guess what? their back well i say to bad to sad you love and take me and except me for who iam no matter what through the good times and the bad good men honey, don't give up on you and they wont let you give up on you. good luck to you and so many best wishes for you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso i should just move on . if he cares about me , he will find me back , right ? since we knew that it wasn't the right time to be together. This break will let us be more respect to each other, if we don't get to be together, it was fate.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): I agree with Oregongrl1. Now that he's given you that sign, let him be for as long as it takes for him to understand that you have a life just as important as his, to live. If he can't sort his issues out while keeping you around, then move on so that he doesn't stop you from doing what you must, as well. Eventually, he'll figure out that you have to walk through life's biggest walls together, or you'll fail as partners and split forever. There is no in between, or one or the other will be neglected and hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (1 August 2010):
I think you are focusing more on him, and you are losing your own values of who you are! a relationship shouldn't be like that! you have trust, communication & respect! and the love & friendship all comes together. and shouldn't have to keep worrying about what he's doing or whether or not he's doing the right thing? i say if you don't trust him and you are driving yourself nuts over it then you are in the wrong relationship! or you just have some issues of your own that you need to work out!!!
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni had texted my bf yday.We were chatting happily and when i ask him about his parents, he said he weren't at home for about 5 days.so he wasn't clear abt them. i ask him whether when is him going back home?since he can't avoid the parents forever.(becos he dun wan stay at home n see the parents fight).then he stop replying me.After that,i was about to sleep ,i texted him again : hey sorry, wasn't pressuring you but worry abt u.anyways,take care.gotto sleep now :)
after that,he didnt reply my sms until now.had i touch his sensitive issues or just he dun wan to reply ?
am i thinking too much or what ? :(
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (25 July 2010):
What should you do next? we are all telling you to move on.... if you want to hang out and play his game more power to you! iam not into head games. you either are there for each other or your not. get out and feel good about who you are! and let him know that you are not going to wait around until he figures it out. and you watch he will say ok? maybe hes wanting out you'll see.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): It seems mean, but let him sweat once again. Wait at least a week before contacting him to say "hey". Only text him, and nothing more.. just like he's doing. Don't give him more than what he's throwing out there. You'll look too eager to get him back together with you. Let him wonder how serious you are about letting this "break" as he calls it continue.
As much as he says you can do better than him, anyone who tells you they want a break from you doesn't show much commitment, relationship-wise. He's committing himself to his school and putting it first, so you're already at least second on his list.
He could have the decency of at least trying to keep things going, and talking to you here and there, but making it clear he just won't have much time to go out and such. That would have sufficed, but he couldn't find it in himself to give you that, without completely giving you up for an undetermined amount of time. When you get too anxious to call or text him, just remember that about him.
Sure, he'll text or call now(most likely just text, taking the most impersonal approach), to see how you're doing, because that's the sick thing people want to know about their partner after breaking up with them in anyway.. is how they're doing. He's doing that just to see how much he got to you, by not being around. Don't give him the satisfaction of showing that you miss him or care at all that he's in his own little world at this point in time. Even if you get back together with him one day, don't ever let him know that you cared or missed him. Pretend you didn't, otherwise he'll pull this crap again.
Just do exactly like you did this last time he texted, and act like you've got things on the go, and you're doing really well and are happy. Just don't say you're busy, or you've gotta run, as such, unless you want him to think you completely want him to leave you alone. Just show him you're content without him around, and you're going out and having more fun than ever. Get under his skin, like that, because that will piss him right off and make him really interested in trying to please you more than he's doing now. If you give him what he wants to hear, such as you miss him and you're not happy right now, then he'll feel he's got control over you, even when he's played the break game.
Make him sweat some more, and whether you contact him in a week or so, or he contacts you first, just don't act too interested, but don't say things to intentionally push him away or make him feel unwanted either.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFinally ! After 10 days of break and no contact with each other,he finally texted me ! He ask how am i,and he told me he was going to finish his assignment but still gonna busy for final exam and so on.I replied him in a cool way and i give him hints that call me later on because i'm busy (actually i'm not :P),but he didnt :( (it was quite late already) .hmm,what should i do next ? :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (22 July 2010):
Let him have those girls in the club! in the mean time get yourself together don't contact him. make yourself feel good and what pride you have left (dump Him) you need to get the last word in. believe me those other girls in the club will end up just like you! he's not done playing and has no respect for women or him'self. don't sit there and feel sorry for yourself get up and dust your butt off get back out there live laugh and smile! again it is the best thearpy trust me. the more you motivate yourself the less you think about him and get over him quicker. you heard of the old saying to much idle time can be the devils play ground. take a look at yourself in the mirror and don't let no man run you into the ground for what reason make us sister's proud!!!
Sincerely:
Oregongrl1
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Did you discuss with him the rules of this break? Every break needs a set of rules. Like, is dating other people allowed, is kissing or having sex with others allowed? And of course, there should be a time limit, you can not be on a break for an unknown period. That just leaves you there hanging.
A week is a good enough time for a break if you ask me. I personally don't believe in breaks. If a couple has a problem, separation doesn't solve anything. What a couple needs to get through a crisis is to talk and cooperate and support each other. For many, a "break" is just an easier way of breaking up.
Breaks can indeed be needed from time to time, but not only after 4 months unless something has seriously gone wrong...
I think you need to contact your boyfriend and let him know how much you love him and want him in your life. He sounds insecure. And boys in that age are often very unsure of what they want in life. If he needs more time to be on a break, ask him how much longer, and explain that you don't want to force him, but you hurt when you are without him and need to know when you can speak to him again. Also, just to be clear about things, set the rules: no involvement with other girls. While you are still in a relationship, even on a break, any kissing or sex with others are considered cheating.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni had coupled with him for 4months.We are both 18.Our college life just started 3 months ago.I don't think there's another girl is involve in our relationship but girls in clubbing might makes him think i'm bored.I asked him before whether am i a boring girlfriend,he answered me ' no ' .He thinks i'm too great for him,therefore he said i deserve a better guy.He is my first love,I really love him a lot.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): He feels he can't do what he thinks he needs to do as a boyfriend.. be the one to pick you up and drive you around, pay for stuff, etc. He feels he doesn't have enough to offer you, because of his lack of money. That's the motivating factor which drove him to want to take a break. I feel he's wanting a permanent break, but wants to make it sound less permanent, because he doesn't want to hurt you. He feels you need someone who'll be able to give you what he can't.
I would call him and tell him that you don't care about how much money he has, and that he's not any less of a man by not having the money to buy you things, and a car to drive you around. Tell him that you understand with school and all, being you're going to school also. Ask him if that's why he thinks you can find a better guy?
I wouldn't just let him go that easily.. tell him you really want to be with him, no matter what issues arise, and how little he may have. Ask him if you can meet up and discuss it further, and see if he's interested in trying to continue with you.
Good luck, and I hope you not only get ahold of him, but that things work out. Don't let him give up on himself, because it appears that's what he's doing. If that's the sole reason he wants this split, you'll both regret just letting things deteriorate due to lack of trying... not now, but down the road. At least try on your part to convince him that he's everything you need, and you don't need someone with anything material, such as a car or any amount of money.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (21 July 2010):
You are a very understanding person to give him his space as well as respectful! no'one can tell you whats right for you but you! do whats in your heart we don't know him or you. i mean from your e-mail maybe he does feel really not like a man, because you are always treating him and yourself. and that you don't mind if he is rich or poor! you are going to make someone very lucky one day! and if he is wanting a break to escape? let him fly, and let him see you blossom! his loss your gaine. love is so hard at times trying to figure someone out but you see thats when you lose sight of who you are,in trying to figure him out. and a good man wont put you in that position. you are either in it together or you are not? and im telling you from my heart true love you just blend you do, and yes you always need to work at a relationship! that is what makes it stronger. and he needs a break i don't get it. i would tell him on your terms you can have a break from me, but don't exspect me to hang around until you figure it out. stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are you'll see what iam talking about they respect you more. but know if he doesn't come back because you did. there might be someone else involved? and it's nothing you said or did you just made him feel less guilty. but thats ok because you are walking away from someone who doesn't deserve you.Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (21 July 2010):
Don't call him, wait for him to calling you, give it time, but at the same time, don't put your life on hold for him, if you find someone new then it was meant to happen if he comes back then your good.. But also I don't want to put things in your head or say this the wrong way... But ever think maybe another girl?? How long have you been with this guy? And how often did you talk to him? Well I hope in the end your happy because that is what really matters. :)
...............................
|
