A
male
age
41-50,
*erseyboy2283
writes:How do I win the heart and trust of my boyfriend back? We have been together 5 years, and get along great but our communication seems to lack, being the downfall. Recently I was away for business for 2 weeks. I left my boyfriend and thought our relationship was fine. I come home and found him acting strange, not returning calls, not telling me about having people over which I don't know. I get home to a house that we shared-only to find out that he's met someone new while I was gone. I ask him about the situation and he denies anything is going on, only to find out the next day he lied right to my face. He discussed our issues in front of this stranger-his issues being that I live a secretive life, and keep things from him. -I will not lie i recently had a life changing event-and did not discuss with him the outcome and he was very upset over it-so much upset that he decided in his own head the relationship was over and chose to move on while I was gone. Meanwhille there where small things that he kept from me-so i feel as if he is pushing his guilt off on me am I right to feel this way? I also feel that he was raising issues that he has problems with-his own issues that he needs to get over-but again turning the tables and blaming everything on me. I know i'm not perfect and I've made my mistakes, but I just don't understand.Is this normal for people to move on without discussing things with their partner? Is it normal for one to have no feelings what so ever. After 5 years he said some pretty harsh things to me-words I've never heard out of his mouth. He's accusing me of living 5 years of lies- he can't trust a word I say, he's scared of me- and even wished me dead? How do I fix this?We haven't talked-only to say nasty things after I found out that he lied to me-I dont know what to do. I Love- him and put alot into our relationship, house, etc.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I understand the feeling after 5 years...seems like you are dealing with a complete stranger. You know already that is now worthy at all. You had great times together probably but you dont deserve to feel bad and sad about this situation. Sometimes we have to think straight and move on. He doesnt deserve you. You are a great person and you know that!! You did nothing but love him and situations like this should be handled different if someone really loves you...specially after 5 years. Seems he just wanted to find any excuse and turn the story around on his behalf so he could get away just fine with his mistake. I bet the feeling are still there but is time for you to move on and keep your mind away from this...Good Luck!! AS
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): Well, the take away I get from this is your partner replaced you quickly and did it while you were away...he did this to hurt you, this says a lot about his character or lack of it....it doesn't mean that you deserved it or that is was all your fault....If he says he wishes you dead, then his feelings for you are that you are dead to him, it is too late for him to get those feelings back and he is taking his exit....I don't know what he means by you living 5 years of secrets, whether that is true or not, I don't know, but it doesn't sound like he is a very loving and forgiving person, and I don't know why you would want to fix it with a person like this....I know it is dissappointing, and you put a lot of effort into this relationship and the house you share, but if it is a house of sand, then you have nothing.....and you may do well to cut your losses and get on with life and learn from this relationship and any mistakes you may or may not have made....good luck and take care....I know this probably did not help you much, but I don't like the sound of him, I wouldn't put myself back in a situation where there was so little love....it sounds like it was based on the things you provided him perhaps?
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A
female
reader, daisydaresyou  +, writes (24 February 2008):
He clearly feels like you should have told him about that big, life changing thing, and is hurt you didn't. Because after 5 years, your are sharing your lives, aren't you? I can't help guessing that you were married before and your divorce came through and he only found out now and that's why he is mad. But you have to convince him that it doesn't change anything.Now he thinks he's found someone else - well is it serious? Or is he hurt and lashing out and convincing himself he doesn't need you cuz he feels left out? You need to talk to him again and find out what this new person is really for. If he's so upset that you didn't share everything with him, then he really cares about you, and this doesn't have to be the end. Maybe he needs to get over it, and get rid of this newbie, and you can start picking things back up again.
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A
male
reader, jerseyboy2283 +, writes (23 February 2008):
jerseyboy2283 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLife changing event=legal issues
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Your post is very cryptic....what life changing event did you have that made him not trust you anymore and wish you were dead, this doesn't ring true....why don't you expand on that so we can give you a better answer, you are safe to say anything at all here after all you are anonymous.
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