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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello and thank youSo I must say I'm annoyed with my boyfriends attitude little things set him off. He over reacts to minor things and its definitely getting to be too much . As an example for the last month he says he has been outside with his neighbor every evening for about 2 hours per night, which is fine. I finally asked what his neighbors name was today and he flew off the handle! Asked what business it is of mine to know his neighbors name ? Also saying I'm too inquisitive! I didnt know that asking someones name was a crime. Their have been many other incidents that he flies off the handle. How do I try to fix these outbursts ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2019): You're the one that knows him best. Lets cover all the bases.
Often, people are driven to defensiveness. If hounded with suspicion, or jealousy. Sometimes, they don't like being hit with a barrage of itty-bitty questions as a way to make small-talk; when you really have nothing to talk about.
If they are under a lot of pressure at work, a boss is eating at their self-control and self-esteem; making them feel picked-on and under a microscope. People not getting enough sleep are often very cranky and apt to snap at you.
If they're tired at the end of their workday, and happen to receive an annoying call from someone just wanting attention; it might catch them at an irritable-moment of their day. Timing is the issue, not the call.
If you notice his short-temperateness is totally unfounded and getting progressively worse; it could mean he's tired of the relationship. Maybe he's spoiling for the epic coup de grace of all fights, to finally end his misery with a breakup.
Defensive-people usually have a guilty-conscience, they may feel cornered; or they're just sick and tired of being on the receiving-end of a behavior that's driving them nuts. That's a warning-sign.
These are possibilities to consider.
You evaluate the above, and decide what you think.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 May 2019):
 I have a word for that -- SUSPICIOUS. Many guys will overreact with rage when they want to scare a woman off their scent, so to speak. If he's spending 2 hours per night away from home with a friend he won't name, OF COURSE you have the right to ask him who he's spending all of his time with, because it sounds like that person takes a higher priority than YOU do!
THis is what you do -- let him THINK you have been scared off by his rage. Pretend you let it go, but secretly do some research on him. Find out where he's going. Ping his cell phone's location if you can while he's out. Look up the phone records to see if there's one number above all others that he's been texting/calling. FOLLOW him, or if you have small kids and can't, get one of your friends to do it! I caught a cheater for a friend of mine when I secretly followed him to the shopping mall where he met another girl and was hanging all over her, and he had told his girlfriend (my best friend) that he was having oral surgery and wasn't about to go out for a couple of weeks or so.
It's not normal to be out for hours a night EVERY NIGHT when you're married. That's alienation of affection. THe only scenario I can think of where it's NOT suspicious is if you've had trust issues from the start, and you constantly accuse him of cheating, and that you're always on him about stuff, and that you're highly insecure or clingy when it comes to that sort of thing. He might be disappearing to get you off his back. Either way, you two might need couples counseling.
However, if you don't have trust/insecurity issues and he IS pulling a disappearing act, then he very well MIgHT be cheating or at the very least having an emotional affair. Stop accusing, stop talking, and research very quietly until you either have proof, OR he's cleared and you can breathe easily.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2019):
 If you were to answer this question yourself, why do you think he does this?
Does it generally STOP you from asking further questions?
Does he (generally) lie about things?
Is he (generally) defensive about things?
Do YOU ever accuse him of things he did or didn't do?
(like cheating, lying etc.)
You mention ONE example, with no real context, so it's really hard to say why he does this. Or give much advice.
But what I will say is this, IF he does this A LOT ("unprovoked") then maybe you need to consider if this behavior is a deal breaker for you... or not. If it is, then you know what to do.
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