A
female
age
36-40,
*enus1986
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for lil over one year, we spent alot of time to gether, went on trips, had a very fun snd relaxed relationship. Im 28 years old and he just turned 27. He had girl friends before me but never had sexual relationship. He was a virgin and we had sex 3 months after we started dating. After our 1 year anniversary Ifound out he was addicted to porn (by checking his computer history) and he'd ask me for alone time (which I thought a guy needs alone time). So he'd watch porn everytime we werent together and when I asked he said he hasnt watched for 10 months. Lies...over and over. So when i showed him his files, he was sosad and said he can change, so i gave him another chance. ONLY 3 weeks later I checked his computer to see if hes really changed, then I discovered he was also sex chatting on skype with multiple (unattractive) girls!!! I got my stuff and left his place, he said we should end this cause he has deep rooted problems from his upbringing! Should I leave him and find someone worthy of my love? Or stick with him to help him with addiction since I love him?(even tho he doesnt even want to see me)! He basically ran to his mom house and staying there!
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female
reader, Venus1986 +, writes (27 January 2015):
Venus1986 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. You missed the part where he'd rather sex chat with other women, also i dont have family here so Im handling everything on my own. Also, he said he had deep rooted problems and sex chat addiction.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2015):
 I don't think the watching porn is so horrible, but the lying about it is not a good sign. My guess is he lied because he didn't want to look bad in your eyes. He just wasn't smart enough to delete his history.
I also think you checking his history to see if he has been "naughty" is controlling and unhealthy. YOU shouldn't try and CONTROL your partner in that way. If PORN is a deal-breaker for you, then WALK away. YOU CAN NOT change him. He will watch porn whether YOU like it or not.
YOU see it as addiction (though might I add that you can't diagnose that) he sees it as "normal". So you two have a discrepancy in how you two think. This is why he doesn't want you "help" and support. He has NO intentions of stopping the porn, not for you, not for anyone.
He has a LOT of growing up to do (He RAN HOME to his mom), and so do you. I think your best bet is to LEAVE him be, focus on yourself. Your own future.
You need to learn that you CAN NOT control what other people do, think or feel. YOU can control HOW you react and what YOU do yourself.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 January 2015):
 Well you accept that he has a long term addiction. That's good. You think he can get over that on his own in three weeks. That's not realistic.
As to the advice you need based on where you are right now. Look up the stages of grief. You are grieving a loss in your life, you need support and you need time and you need to understand what is going on.
FA
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A
female
reader, Venus1986 +, writes (26 January 2015):
Venus1986 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just told him that I'm moving on and I'm done. But I feel sick to my stomach I cant eat or sleep. I missed work today because I can't function I am so sad. this emotional pain is beyond what I imagined.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 January 2015):
Don't try to force the wrong guy to become the right guy. There are plenty of miserable woman that can tell you that's a bad idea.
Leave him and look for a guy that's better for you. Don't settle for love because live without compatibility is easy to come by and will only last you so long.
True love, along with compatibility can be a challenge to find, but it's a lot easier when you're not stuck in a bad relationship.
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A
female
reader, Venus1986 +, writes (26 January 2015):
Venus1986 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told him i can support him through this, he said he doesnt want me
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