A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 6 years. I have found out he's sexting a married woman. He did some work at her house a couple of months ago and a short while after he started messaging her. She responded and they seemed intimate. He texted intimate stuff to her more than the other way round. He stopped when I found the texts. I was away over the weekend. Early hours of Saturday morning he sent her a blank text. She didn't respond straight away as she would have no doubt been asleep. She responded later that day and Saturday night there were more texts. This time very intimate from them both. He sent her photos of his six pack and others of him in his boxers. She sent tame photos, cleavage shots and her legs in a skimpy nightie. He was begging her to send more intimate pics of her privates and breasts. He was telling her what he wanted to do to her with his tongue! And saying he wants to meet up with her. She messaged him earlier today to arrange meeting up and now he's messaged back saying he isn't brave enough. Big of him after the intimacy they shared. What should I do? And will he do this again or go further?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I guess it's how you define cheating.
My husband and I talked about this as I am an outrageous natural flirt.... and in our home we define cheating as
anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
In addition, I married at 21 and had two children by age 26. I HAVE never cheated on a partner. NEVER. Choosing to marry young or parent young is not an excuse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I am the poster of this question.
I agree I shouldn't be shocked. We have children but not together.
His excuse will no doubt be that he settled down at a young age. He was married with 3 children when most people are out having fun.
And he wouldn't see it as cheating as there was no physical contact.
Decisions to be made now. Thanks all
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
OP you are correct, if you were both in relationships with others and left former partners to be together, then he has a history of cheating and lying and leaving for greener pastures and you should not be SHOCKED that this has happened.
you have every right to be sad and hurt however. those are normal feelings.
IF you feel he has cheated, and it's been discussed and he still did it then YES it's cheating.
I'm sorry that you now have a big huge decision to make:
DO you stay with him after he cheated and if so, how will you get past it? will you ever trust him again?
or
do you leave now knowing he's not able to be emotionally true to you and is able to lie and do such things behind your back?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I am the poster of this question. It's the intimacy I find difficult. He was so intimate with her and obviously had pleasured himself over their texts and pics. That's cheating isn't it? If he had just texted that he liked her or fancied her that wouldn't be so bad, but he was so explicit and texted her for hours. 2 occasions when I was away there were messages from 8pm-2am!
We were both in relationships when we met and left our partners to be together, shouldn't be surprised that he's doing this really.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 He's cheating on you pretty flagrantly. How much - and for how long - do you intend to put up with it? THAT is the ONLY real question in your submittal...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): What should you do? Break up with him. Kick him out. That's it. The end.Why on earth would you stay with a man who is behaving like this with another women?Will he do it again? Are you serious? He's been doing it, again, for a really long time. He should not have done anything like that in the first place.It's difficult and it hurts, and you have been with him for six years, I understand that, but this guy is a cheat and he cannot be trusted. Regardless of whether he was going to follow through, or thought about following through or does not follow through, you DO NOT engage with another women in that manner. Not only has he been doing what he is doing, there doesn't seem to be any problem for him to be involved with a married women, so he is certainly not taking his own relationship into consideration or remotely seriously. He has dishonored you and thank goodness you are not married or have children (I presumed since you didn't say anything about them). You have unfortunately landed yourself a loser of a man. You let him get away with this, again, and he will do it again, about guaranteed. He knows exactly what he is doing. Kick that man to the curb and he will have plenty of time to sext any married women he wants. A-hole.Have respect for yourself and believe you deserve a man who will love you, be loyal, trustworthy and know the difference between right and wrong. He has failed, every single one.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Cheating is something that is defined not by other people, but by the people involved in the relationship in question. Do you feel as though this crossed that border? If so, confront him with the proof and let him know that you're not okay with him sexting this woman and you're certainly not okay with him making plans to meet her.
Unfortunately, people that have done things like this in the past are prone to doing them again. Make your next choices based on that information.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): sorry you're going through this. same thing happened to me after 7yrs with my now ex-bf. i confronted him, we talked it through, he cried&begged me to stay, i forgave him, year and a half later he did it again. i left him and though it hurt like hell, it was the best decision i ever made as living with doubt, suspicion, and checking his texts made me miserable. Set yourself free to find someone who wouldn't dream of treating you so disrespectfully:)
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