A
female
age
36-40,
*elbelle2430
writes:I used to be a serial dater, one serious relationship right after the next. And after a breakup that took me almost a year to recover from, I realized I needed time to myself, to evaluate and just really take care of myself. To learn and work on my weaknesses, discover what I truly wanted, and grow. And I made it! To celebrate I took an overnight trip by myself to the beach. And what was even better, after that year, it still took my almost another to enter into a relationship. After that much time by yourself, you realize that you don't want to waste time with the wrong person.And then this man came into my life. We just clicked on every single level. Physically, mentally, emotionally. We did jump right into our relationship. From the very first date we spent almost every day together, at some point. Our friends got along, our families loved us together. We want the same future, have the same goals, everything just fell into place. The one thing I ever worried about was the fact that he had never had a serious, healthy, long term relationship. His friends would always say that he had a new girl every month or two. The only other relationship he had ever been in lasted about a year, but he knew that she was cheating on him the entire time. I made him promise that if he ever had a doubt, to talk to me and we could try to work things out.Our honeymoon was perfect, we treated each other with respect, supported each other, shared things, enjoyed all the small things. Then we started fighting over going out and drinking. I'm 26, he's 30. So yes, I do love to go out. But every weekend he would drink to the point of me having to babysit. Twice he left me and I had to find my own way home. Another he was so intoxicated that my friends and I couldn't even find him since he didn't even know which bar he was in. That night he says his phone went dead and he went home, yet never even bothered to charge it and let me know he was ok. I wasn't perfect either. I got used to us spending almost every night together. It wasn't just me though. If I made plans to do something with friends or family, he would ask me to come over after. Then all of a sudden he started asking for more space. And I got nervous and insecure.The week before my birthday I had enough. We were at my girlfriends birthday in the city, and he got so drunk he walked away and never answered his phone. So I took a cab home. We got into a fight about it and he decided it was a wake up call and that he was done drinking. So for my entire birthday week he didn't. I told him how proud I was of him for doing so. But that whole week he was different. Not as affectionate or giving, he didn't even buy my dinner or a drink for me at my own party. That night I found out he sent a text to his boy saying "we're on the rocks. I'm about to get my single body ready". I was so hurt. Since I had been drinking, I couldn't drive home. So I slept as far away from him as possible. In the morning I woke up to him crying and apologizing. I had given this man my heart and loved him so much, I decided to forgive him.The next night he told me again he wanted even more nights apart. I just stayed quiet and he knew that something was wrong. The next day he kept asking, so I finally told him that I know what I want and what I deserve, and that message and the way he was acting hurt. We fought, but he said he wanted to try and make it work. We had promised each other everything, had planned our future together. We stayed the night, he was cold, but we slept together. In the morning, he woke up, kissed me, said he loved me, and went to work. In the afternoon, he broke up with me on facebook.The next couple weeks I heard every excuse imaginable. At first, it was me, I wanted and needed too much. Then it was him, and that he needed to work on himself. Then he's looking for "the one", and it's just not me. He's told me that he's happy being single and loves life. Exploring is great. He's told me that he refuses to settle, which I take personally. And that he won't give up until he finds everything that he's looking for.And since we broke up, three months ago, he's already dated three girls. The first one he told me about, because he was still texting me. His 30th birthday was that weekend and I had a huge party planned. Of course he planned his own, and there's pictures of him and another girl there. So I asked him why he was writing me if he was already dating someone else. He told me they're not together, she wants a relationship, he doesn't. In fact, he made out with another girl in front of her that night. I wrote him back and told him that it's just not right to tell your ex these things, especially how happy you are without them in your life. I took him off my facebook, and he noticed right away and added me back, while writing me and making me feel immature about doing so.I hid him from my page so I don't have to see what's going on in his life. But today I saw a female acquaintance of mine had pictures tagged of the two of them. He's doing the same thing he did when we first started dating. Pictures of them out all over town, a picture of the city skyline, commented with how much he loved his city and his beautiful company. Just as he did for me. And I'm jealous. It's line for line how our relationship began. How is it so easy for him? How can he just jump into another? Did he ever really care? Why can't I do the same? I refuse to check his page, and I know it's just facebook. This is the longest that I haven't heard from him. I know it's immature, but at least when I used to hear from him, I knew he was thinking of me. And he's not anymore. He's out with someone new. And happy. It's seems so easy for him to be so happy!! How can I stop being jealous? He's surrounded by all his friends, partying and having a blast. And I'm trying to take day by day. Some days are easier than others. But he seems to have the life! How can I stop this feeling?
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a break, broke up, drunk, facebook, immature, insecure, jealous, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I had a similar situation with my ex. He broke up with me and had a new girlfriend with in weeks. Everything seemed to just fall into place for him while i was miserable.Honestly, nothing is going to make it better other than time. 2 years later i look back and realise what a waste of my life he was. I now have an amazing boyfriend who treats me as i deserve, and once you move on he will be nothing but a distant reminder of what not to look for in a man.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): He's having difficulty with it too but he's processing the pain differently. When he loses a long term relationship he needs multiple short term relationships to make the long term one feel less special. Otherwise it's probably too much for him to handle.
Once he does the same thing with other girls that he did with you, his memories will blur. Which girl did he enjoy what with, he won't remember. And he's not into any of the girls he's going with because he tells them he doesn't want a relationship. So eventually, all the memories of you that make him hurt will blend with memories of girls he doesn't care about and it will hurt less and less. He's not doing this to make you feel jealous.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I believe there's a "typo" error in your submittal. You claim to be describing what's gone on between you and a guy who you noted as "I'm 26, he's 30.".... but the guy you've described acts like a 13-year old.... Is that the issue?
You can do lots better.... Put him in the rear-view mirror of your life, and try again....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): How to you stop feeling jealous?
By realizing that he hasn't changed at all. The next girl is going to have to deal with the exact same guy you did. Drinking and leaving her behind. Confrontational. Non committal.
It's nothing to be jealous of. You did the right thing. Staying with him would have wasted too much of your time. Now you're open to meeting a truly great guy.
You're in the prime of your youth. Don't waste your 20's with poor prospects.
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