A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years lied to me about having children, and who the mother isI'm so confused I love him so very much and he has been through everything with me and is the kindest person I know, but at the same time I don't really know how much of what he has told me is true.I found out about his son last year and he swore that that was it and that his ex-wife was the childs father (she isn't it's another woman with whom he had a daughter as well, as i found out last month).I don't know what to do I feel we can work through this if he is honest but I'm so hurt by his deceit I feel at a complete loss.He says he thought I would think less of him if he told me and will explain everything when he is back from work, but that's 2 months away and the whole situation is making me so ill.I don't want to lose/ leave him if I do I'll also be losing my best friend....I just would like another point of view on the matter, what should I do? am I over-reacting? any tips?sorry and thank you x
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 If you don't want to lose him/leave him - what other choice do you have then to suck it up and live with it?
And then what are you going to do when baby-mama #3 pops up?
He INTENTIONALLY withheld the information that he had a child let alone 2 children. He lied about who the mom is.
His excuse? He thought I would think less of him. So it was MORE important to pull wool over you eyes so HE didn't look bad?
He will "explain" it when he gets back? Say what? Explain that he didn't mention the second child? Explain that he lied some more? What is there to explain? Sound to me like he is giving himself 2 months to figure out a great lie that you will swallow in the name of love.
He kept it from you for 1 WHOLE year and then COULD have fessed up to child #2, but he didn't, he WAITED til you found out 8 months later.
Doesn't it make you wonder what else he is keeping from you?
I think you need to figure out what it is exactly that you LOVE about this guy that makes you think he is worth staying with after this.
Honey, LOOK at his action, then his words - do they even match?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): I was also going out with a loser who did the same thing 4 and a half years ago. He lied about being separated then created this huge story of just finding out he had a 3 month old baby from another woman (you will find the question on this site from january 2009) but it turned out he had known all along she was pregnant and not only that but he had been visiting her behind my back. He also lied about his age..I guess my point is these losers always have a new lie or set of lies so please dont waste ur time on him. Walk away. It took me 7 months to do so and it hurt for a lot longer but I had to do it for my own sanity. Who knows how many more kids he has? You deserve better, I did too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): ". . .he has been through everything with me and is the kindest person I know"He tells you exactly what you want to hear."I don't know what to do I feel we can work through this if he is honest but I'm so hurt by his deceit I feel at a complete loss."You know that he's lied to you about having children, you know that he's lied to you about the identity of his baby mama, and you know that he's lied to you about and the number of children he has. When do you expect him to start being honest?"He says he thought I would think less of him if he told me and will explain everything when he is back from work, but that's 2 months away"Sorry, but he's feeding you lame, self-serving, BS instead of owning up to his abhorrent behavior so he can string you along while keeping your existence a secret from his baby mama, or whatever other female he is very likely shacking up with behind your back while he's away."I don't want to lose/ leave him if I do I'll also be losing my best friend....". . .what should I do?"If you have so little self-respect and self-esteem that you are willing to proclaim that a lying, cheating scumbag who has treated you with utter contempt is still not only the man you love but also your best friend, then I can only politely suggest you seek counseling as I suspect there must be huge voids in your life if you are so desperate to cling to such a person of such reprehensible character. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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