A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, we have awesome sex and have gotten kinky over the past 3 years! He discovered that I am into women and we have introduced a few into are bedroom with us. I normally perform with her and then he performs with both of us. Everything is fine except now he talks way too much about it, like everytime we have intercourse. He seems to bug me about it all the time to have it happen more and more!!! Is this because he likes how hot it is for me and him, or is this because he gets to sleep with different pussy? Finally, I said I will give you what you want and you can have it again if I too can have a man!! He flipped out called me names and claims I was in the wrong for asking, what the hell????? Help, I just figured it was only fair!!!
View related questions:
threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): His reaction to your suggestion to invite another man to bed should answer your question. He wants to be that special man in your life, the only one you share yourself with. I think you informed him of your interest in women naively expecting him to support YOU in YOUR quest. Because it suited your purposes at the time, you overlooked the fact that he wasn't indulging YOUR fantasy but using yours to fulfil his. Now he thinks he gets special kudos for giving you what you wanted and doesn't owe you anything.Whatever lifestyle you choos is up to you, but the general rule of thumb is when a man wants to invite other women to bed, he doesn't want it because he thinks it will be good for his partner or the relationship. He thinks it will be good for him. And having other women is obviously very, very important to him otherwise it wouldn't be on his mind so often.As an aside, YOU might be kinky but your boyfriend isn't. He's not trying anything new. He's just getting a double dose of what he likes - women.
A
male
reader, Mr. Kuriosity  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 As of now KissfromaRose was the only one i noticed to get close to a good answer although most of you hit on a good idea or two...First of all you said "He discovered that I am into women..."so you brought in a girl here or there.By what you say he obviously is "into women" also. But he is not "into men" , and it didn't sound like it was a feeling of expression as much as an off the cuff sumthin said in an argument to get his goat if you will.If its really what you wanted why didn't you allow him to "discover" that too?If your wanting to fix this first thing is you need to establish communication, and by establish I mean you need to have a talk with specific guidelines with no of topic discussions. 11 years along time to toss out over this, let him know he has over stepped boundaries and it effects the way you feel towards him. Be Honest. I wish you all the best in resolving this.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 February 2011):
 Together 11 years and he's proposing more threesomes? Instead why doesn't he drop down on one knee and commit to just you? Of course, once you say "yes" to one they'll want more to follow. He's one of those males who love the fact that you're a bit bisexual and that he can have double the fun in the bedroom. Doesn't sound like the committing kind of guy.
You're not being unfair, you're just wanting to make the relationship balanced with a male threesome. Unfortunately, you're not going to get it in this one-sided relationship. I would tell him to buzz off, especially if he called you unnecessary names over it. Ask yourself where is this relationship really heading? Where do you want to it to go?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): CUT HIM LOOSE he is NOT a good guy, period. This is coming from a guy so please believe me. Of course if this relationship were really anything impoortant you would have moved beyond bf gf by now I would think. Sorry, I just firmly believe that the best relationships are equal and selfless and no decent person EVER asks for anything they would not give also. And if they never think about it that way then they are definately not inteligent enough to maintain a decent relationship. There is a reason most relationships fail.
...............................
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (11 February 2011):
 Hi reaction to you proposing to bring another guy into the bedroom demonstrates just how significant sleeping with another person is. Its not just physical, its not just sex...its actually connecting with someone, there are very strong emotions involved - whether its attraction, carnal lust, pleasure, betrayal, jealousy, happiness and other passionate feelings. You're silly in thinking its just 'kinky'. He feels these things when he's with another woman.He in return isn't a fool and doesn't want you to feel these things with another man. It would enrage him, just as it has at the mention of it. He probably doesn't want to be part of any comparisons also as it ignites his insecurities. Its hypocritical isn't it? He's just not willing to be the foolish one in the relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (11 February 2011):
Hi reaction to you proposing to bring another guy into the bedroom demonstrates just how significant sleeping with another person is.
Its not just physical, its not just sex...its actually connecting with someone, there are very strong emotions involved - whether its attraction, carnal lust, pleasure, betrayal, jealousy, happiness and other passionate feelings. You're silly in thinking its just 'kinky'. He feels these things when he's with another woman.
He in return isn't a fool and doesn't want you to feel these things with another man. It would enrage him, just as it has at the mention of it. There's probably the idea of comparisons also that might ignite some insecurity in him. Its hypocritical isn't it?
He's just not willing to be the foolish one in the relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 he wants to have his cake and eat it, dont do it again. unless he consents to having another man involved. if he cannot cope with that then maybe your relationship should not involve threesomes.
he would be jealous if the shoe was on the other foot, yet cannot see how it could make you feel sidelined. thats men for you.
sounds like he has become bored and this new stimulation has grabbed him by the balls.
...............................
A
female
reader, lucy.whittaker +, writes (11 February 2011):
 Hey,
Oh dear, sounds like you've got yourself into a bit of a pickle. Getting a third party involved in your relationship is always a problematic thing to do if you don't keep the situation very well under control. I would sit down and talk to him about it, explain that you just want to be together sometimes, and yes, getting other people up on it is fun too, but that you're still in a relationship together and you need time alone. It must be annoying to be pestered about it all the time, even if it's fun occasionally.
Also, I very doubt that it's anything wrong that you're doing or that he just wants to sleep with other women. I think he just feels like the luckiest guy in the world and is trying to get as much as he can. Be really clear with him that he needs to appreciate you and that sex doesn't always have to be about pushing the limits.
As for what you suggested, men are very sensitive and insecure about their sexual prowess, and to suggest another man will damage his ego fair more than it will yours. If it's really what you want then sit down and talk about it, in a calm and serious manner. By the sounds of it you had an argument or just made an offhand comment which didn't express your wishes in a way that he could understand.
Unfortunately men don't seem to understand that the reasons for a woman wanting another man in the bedroom are the same as a man wanting another woman involved. Make sure that if you do really want to experiment with this that you stroke his ego as much as you can before, during and after if it gets that far.
Hope it works out for you,
Lucy XxX
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): This guy really needs to stop asking about it. Yeah he is defly enjoying the different pussy a lil 2 much. It is only fair that you should be able to fool around with another man since he gets to with other women. 3 choices here: 1) u keep on going the way u are... 2) you get to have another guy join and then beg about how much u want another guy all the time lol or 3) stop inviting others all together. He is being really selfish. He should have been happy just getting a women to join u 2 everyonce in awhile he pushed it and now he cant handle sharing. Hope u work everything out.
...............................
|
