A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need advice, my boyfriend of 10 months has left me saying he doesn't love any more, I'm 4 months pregnant and my daughter calls him daddy. I just found out he had a one night stand 6 months ago when he was drunk and that destroyed me, I forgave him and have been completely normal with him, just two months ago we were looking at houses and he bought furniture for our current house, since his one night stand has been exposed, he's been unaffectionate, ignoring me and avoiding me, he then said he needed to clear his head and then came back home a few days later saying he's not in love with me any more and got all his stuff.I'm utterly heartbroken and my daughter asks where he is all the time, he wants to remain friends and can't wait to have his son, but no longer wants me, I'm so heartbroken, please someone shed some light on what he's doing????
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drunk, heartbroken, one night stand Reply to this Question
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female
reader, camper12 +, writes (29 December 2009):
what happened next to this lady?
A
female
reader, im_a_dummy  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 aww, hunn... we all do care! umm, u are anonymous on here, but message me i would like to tell you something, i just dont feel comfortable saying it in here. if u want.
im sorry about your bf. i dont know wat to do about that. really i am sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u for all yr responses, im new on here so i ment to give u all 5 star ratings! i may of accidently gave u one! cuz im an idiot on this computer! lol. but anyway, it really helped to see another persons apinion, my partner is still not home, in fact hes avoiding me, so i think there is aomeone else but maybe thats my imagination. It is very very hard at the moment and seeing friends helps so much, but when im alone at night or in the day, it hurts so bad, my mind is all over, feels like a bad dream that im gna wake up from. Thank u so much for your replies, they made me cry because its nice to know people care. x x x x x x
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A
male
reader, PHOBIA MAN +, writes (7 January 2009):
Some guys feak out when resposibility looms, and usually the leaving bit is to 'go to ground' to make sense of it all.My best advise is if you do want him back is to give him innocent (meaning no pressure)updates on your daughter and tell him HIS baby kicked today etc, by letter or text if you dont have his address or via a friend of his etc keep it informational so he gradually realises what he's missing.This is no guarantee to get him back but it is the best way to ease him through what is possibly his most responsible situation, truth is some guys go through life with virtually no responsibilities, and then a baby comes along, and it's like "WHOOOAH i need to come to terms with this", and sometime they go off the rails, however this is not excusing his bad behaviour, just maybe explaining why (my guess)
the info thing worked for my friend, she just mailed him facts ie he took two steps today etc
he MAY say he doesn't love you to distance himself from the emotional overwhelm, see how it goes, but if he does come back, make sure you set out some ground rules on your terms! to be frank, respect yourself and take no shit!
a good tip when dealing with him if he gives you some 'ol toffee, ask yourself "how would Anne Robinson handle this" or some powerful matriarc.
not going to wish you luck as it's up to you to make your own!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): I really do feel bad for your situation I know it hurts. My boyfriend of two years left me four months ago started dating someone else and moved in with her within in a month. He wont speak to me and avoids me like the plague. I have no answeres, why this happen or what his reasons were. I think some people and I'm not picking on men cause I imagine women do it too are cowards, thats the only way I can say it. Some can't deal with the decisions they make, i think some people want instant gratification and don't think about things in the long run. When they do finially realize they have made a mistake it's too generally too late the other person has moved on. All you do now is take care of your children be good to yourself and realize that really you deserve more respect than what he has given you. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): I am so sorry you are facing this. It must be a difficult time for you and coping with a small child and a pregnancy also. It sounds like your boyfriend is going through a period of doubt. It seems to be a commont thing these days for men not to want to commit to relationships and maybe the exposing of the one night stand has unsettled your boyfriend and made him wonder if there is maybe someone or something better out there for him. Maybe he is afraid to have the extra responsibility of another child. Men have a different view of parenthood and when they have a big problem to deal with, they prefer to be left alone with the problem and work it out for themselves.
My suggestion to you is to give him his space. Gather as much family support around you to help until the new baby arrives and try to make things as comfortable for yourself and your child as possible. You are going to feel heartache over this, there is no doubt, but no amount of pleading, chasing or wanting your boyfriend will make him come back. In fact it could make things worse. If he is going to come back to you, it has to be his conclusion and his decision. I know this is immensly hard to hear. You are going to have to be incredibly strong to cope with this but give him space. Maybe just write him one letter saying that you still love him, consider him the father of your children and that you want him in your life...then give him time to mull it over. Ignore anything you see or hear, its likely he may date other women or spend a lot of time going out with his friends, just give him space to work it out for himself.
Take care of yourself and your children, be strong, as all women have to inevitably. Explain if you can to your daughter or just tell her 'daddy' needs some time by himself. Move on with your life and if he doesn't intend to come back then just make sure he meets his finacial obligations.
I truly feel for you and I hope your pregnancy goes well and you find some peace.
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