A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just don't know where to begin…Okay I have been with my boyfriend almost 1 year. I do love him and I know he loves me. But is that enough? He lived with me for a while, but we decided it was best not to live together. I have 4 kids, and I was married for 10 years, divorced for 2. He moved back home with his parents and he’s 37 years old. He does stay overnight some and comes over every day. But things he doesn’t do the things he used to do in the first 6 months. Like he used to help me with household chores even when he didn’t live here and that was one thing I liked about him. Now he just comes in and lays up. Like I said, I have 4 kids that keep me busy. And then there’s our sex life. It’s always been great I thought, but now we have sex maybe once every two weeks if I make the first move and do everything while he lays there. I asked him, “what’s the deal?” He said he doesn’t have a sex drive and there’s nothing I’ve done. Maybe that is the case, but I know it takes two and it’s not even been a year. Our sex should be awesome and I’m tired of doing everything just to have sex. We both have to work at it or it will turn to shit. I asked him if we are too comfortable and he said no, but I’m wondering if he’s just lazy and doesn’t care. Even if he doesn’t have a sex drive, he should still want to please me and make me happy, I would think?? Any ideas would be wonderful. Thanks.
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divorce, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I do love him and I know there's going to be things I don't understand in my relationship but I also know its takes hard work on both parts to make it work he is an awesome hit he's like no one I have ever dated he is shy and quite but he gets me and he listens to me Thanks to everyone who wrote advice its always good to get others input and experiences
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thanks to everyone who wrote advice its always good to get others input and experiences
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Why are you dating a lazy 37 year old man who lives with his mother and withholds sex and affection from you? There is something very wrong with this picture. I think he is at the least immature and just because he is willing to commit to be your boyfriend it is for right now. It isn't in him to have a future long term relationship with you and he is showing his true colors. The mask is off. Pay attention.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Hi - I had the same symptoms in my relationship at about 8 months. It has now been almost 2 years. We have never lived together. It has always been a struggle to get him to help me with things, and I have considered him lazy for a long time now. We have the same issue with sex. At first I made light of it, that he rarely wanted it, and I did - I had never experienced that before with any other man. We had sex every time he wanted to which was not very often, but when I approached him he always rejected me. Horrible for the self esteem. About 2 months ago I told him I wouldn't try any more, for that reason. I know that sounds passive on my part, but I was hoping he'd make an effort. He would occasionally blow plans with me off for other things that would come up. I could go on & on, but the main issue was with sex. At first I thought that he masturbated a lot instead, but recently I have come to suspect that he is bisexual and possibly having sex with guys, on the "down low". This is very hard to prove, no luck so far. I do feel it is true for there have been various signs, but not proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. It's hard to say what is going on with your guy or mine (I'm 10 years younger than him too), but I would say don't hang on too long if you aren't happy and satisfied, I think there's something wrong with men who for whatever reason are not interested in sex more than every 2 weeks, and who aren't interested in satisfying their lady. It just doesn't make sense. Don't get more attached to him, seriously it just hurts far more in the end. Consider giving yourself a timeline with him, or perhaps talking about it with others, people seem to have many different experiences with this, and perhaps one will contain a solution that will provide some insight or a solution.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): I think honesty is the best policy, so I think you should sit him down and explain how you feel about everything. There may be other issues at play; I know my ex's depression really affected his sex drive. If he still says that it's nothing to do with you, maybe you should mention depression or something else that may be affecting him.
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female
reader, Sick with worry  +, writes (23 February 2011):
You poor thing. Looking aafter four children is a big job and its great that you make it you number one priority. I think your complaints about his lack of input with sex and chores are both valid but they show a lack of input into the relationship. I would guess that this is because he is using you for food and lodgings. The thing is, your kids and you have been through enough with one divorce. Its very confusing for all of you to have a person in your lives of dubious intent and commitment. Its making you insecure so it will be making them insecure. Try to focus on your relationship with the children as every bit of energy you spend worrying about him and his motivations could be invested into you and your children who matter.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): It sounds like he's suffering from depression. Odds are really good that he doesn't know it and can't diagnose himself. See if you can get an appointment with a MD, and go with him.
A change in attitude like this is usually a sign that something's not right.
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