A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 year old female and my spouse is 24. We had a baby about 2 years ago and my body just went to hell and back. For about the last year I have been catching my spouse using porn and he will deny it to the bitter end. I tell him how bad it hurts me becuase i feel like im not enough (looking so different from before i had my baby), but he continues to do it. I have even threatend him that I would leave if he doesnt stop.Does it seem like he is pushing me away on purpose or does he truly have a problem? I need help. . .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): I've been married for 4 years. I have caught my husband doing the same thing, before and after, we had a child. I also lost all of my baby weight right after having a child, but my husband still did it. It is totally demoralizing to women, I don't care how a guy looks at it. It is humiliating for a woman, and the man lying about it only fuels the fire. I am so sick of it that I may leave him, because after all as a previous person on this blog says, there are plenty of decent guys out there who do not do it. Plus, if porn isn't anything more than just watching baseball, then why can't men stop. I agree with the previous blog, just leave you husband now. You are too young to put up with it, and in my experience, once a dog always a dog unless they can actually come to grips with its ramifications and get help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): sorry, but i hav to disagree with the girls here. u need to look at porn as something totally different to ur relationship. im in a relationship and have been for 2 years, and i hav a good few years of other relationships behind me. sometimes i wanted sex with my parther, sometimes i wanted to look at porn. its just different and makes a change.
so what im saying is its really no reflection on you, the state of your relationship or how ur partner feels about you or sees you sexually.
its a cycle, soon enough you will be back in demand again.
after all, your pregnancy seems to be inspiring his taste in porn, try not to let it become a problem. maybe enjoy it with him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): My partner is known to have a high sex drive since b4 we got together. When I was 6 months plus pregnant he never wanted to touch me yet he would perve on other pregnant woman telling me "Its sexy" but not me cause "Its my baby in your belly". I since had a baby girl and have offered him sexual releif as I am not ready for sex. He tells me that sex is the last thing on his mind... Yet I found on his internet history he looks up Mummy porn and is a member of at least 15 porn sites. He even watched porn the night i gave birth to my daughter.
I dont know what is happening. I dont understand, I lost all baby weight not even a week after giving birth. I was a model just b4 i met him and im still in the same shape so could it b me or is he just an ass hole?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Look dont threaten just do it...he obviously has no resepct for you and all the pro porn guys on here have NO idea about what this can do to a womans self esteem or a relationship. Belive me there are thousands of guys out there who wouldnt touch porn and no their not all gay...best of luck
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (6 February 2007):
 I will do as best I can to summarize the male mind on this one. I will do this as a QamdA style, and then you can decide how you feel.Q: Why does he lie about it? He lies because he knows it upsets you, but can't fathom why, and wants to avoid a fight. (or he is embarrassed)Q: Is it because he does not find me attractive? Will he cheat? Am I not giving him enough sex?No, No, and No. He is not driven to watch because you are inadequate in any way shape for form. He does not compare you to the women in porn, nor does he wish you to look like them. I know you will find this hard to believe but to most men there is little difference between watching porn and any other form of entertainment .. baseball, hockey, etc.Q: Why did my threatening to leave not work? This did not work because in your husbands mind there is a HUGE difference between sex that you share with a person you love, and emotionless sexual images. He utterly cannot comprehend why this is a problem for you, because in his mind there is absolutely nothing linking you and porn. This makes your request seem unreasonable, and thus he resents and ignores it.To generalize.For most women sex is something that you share with the person you love.For most men sex is something you are willing to stop having with other people, because of the person you love.Anyway, that is the most clear window into the male mind I can give you on this topic. I hope it will at least help you understand you husbands perspective on the matter. It may help you accept it, it may not . . . but there it is.
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (6 February 2007):
strangely porn can become an addiction if its not looked after, its a fantasy, an escape world.
most men look at porn, many women too its most likely got nothing to do with how he views you.
maybe you could encorperate into your sex life, watch a video together. make it safer on him if its out in the open. if he continues to watch it alone after youve watched it a few times together then he may have a problem that needs proffesional help.
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